due to overwhelming response (i make up of the majority, lol!), im back to engish! yay.


meaning no more time consuming typing chinese characters thru pinyin. lala. unless i get the urge la.


oh wells. it's over. projects, presentations and gerard. i won't think of them anymore in the near future or at least forever for the last one.


well. i just want to be the princess who waits for her Daddy's plan for her. and i believe that now is still not the time and he is not my Mr. Right.


gillian's going to survive through this period of time. always a survivor (like just made it thru the bar) and it shall be so this time round and she's gonna do it better.


yeah. thanks fang, melissa and edward all that fun we had yest! all that dougnuts and neoprints. =) WE HAD FUN DIDN'T WE? lalala.


madness.


and gerard nearly killed me with all that v-man, butterfly and all. (becos he just had to eat 3 crispy and a original on national day. [if u can't count like me, that's like....4 pieces of chicken from kfc.] and then he was complaining to the class that his abs are like GONE, but it's just less defined and he was trying to pinch the fats when it's just so little compared to mine.) i just can't coordinate la. if not, abs training would be more efficient in me training for abs rather than me trying to figure out how to coordinate my upper body and legs. blearghx.


after all that sleep, gillian admits that she's still very tired.



edits//


i feel like a failure. wadevers.


i got no idea why. maybe cos of a decision which i won't e-la-bo-liate.


julia told me that someone told her that my purpose of gg gym is just to beo guys. like wad the heck?


im not that desperate for a guy yet. and i dun go gym soley for gerard anyways.


why must ppl think that when a girl goes gym, her purpose is to beo guys and not doing a real workout?


wadevers. yes, i do like him alot, but i first went gym was to get a good workout weekly during my s&w lessons and not in hope of 'hooking up' to a guy.


and even if i want to look at a muscular bod, i could go look at my uncle's , cos his bod's so much better than those ppl at the gym la. tsk! *i noe it sounds wrong but his bod is really national bodybuilder's standard the last time i saw him*


DUN THINK THAT EVERYONE THINKS THE SAME WAY AS U DO.

Labels: happenings., madness., rants.

didn't have training today, cos gerard was having high fever and his whole face (including his eyes) was like uber flushed, and the worst thing was that he was wearing 4 layers and he was still shivering.


sighs. see la. that's wad u get for overworking ur body during monsoon season. haiyo. hope he gets well soon. see him liaddat...haiyo, nth to say


jian min was like sick too, and then they were like passing germs to each other which i hope they won't pass it to me, cos i still have loads of assignments and also tests and exams coming up...blearghx.


argh. i can almost feel the germs saying to me 'WAHAHAHAHA...gillian, u are not going to escape from my crutches...wahahaha...u are already starting to cough le...c'mon give it up, u're going to lose the battle....'


yeah, starting to feel sick too. blearghx. I NEED TO FINISH MY ITA, DGA, PAM PROJECTS, STUDY FOR TOMORROW'S PRACTICAL TEST AND TXP QUIZ, FRIDAY'S WORKSKILL PRACTICAL AND ORAL EXAM, PAM AND CHEM TEST, AND MY EXAMS!!!!


God, please see me thru all these. please.

Labels: happenings., rants.

im so in a dilemma (i just realised that i can't spell that word. =( ) recently. like mom says that im looking shorter (looking like a 'potato' as wad ricky puts it) cos she says my shoulders are getting broader and all due to free weights training, but i really liked free weights cos it nv fails to amaze me like how much weight i could carry after all.


rawr. why can't i just train and not get the muscles? i dun need all that bulk; the training makes me feel super shiok only.


see! that dun make me a girly girl. i thought i was one for the 17- odd years of my life. okies, maybe in some parts of my thinking i think like a guy. i can control my feelings like a guy too. so that dun make me a girly girl. haha. i dun wanna end up being a bimb.


okies. enough of rants.


saw this plaque which i saw on sat with jasmine which i thought it was super cool. 'TGIF- Today, God is First.'


tot that would make a super good reminder, like sometimes we get so caught up in our lives that we forgot that God's in control and that we try to do stuff on our own strength, only to come back realising that all these while, God has always been there, waiting for us to ask Him for help and that He would definitely see us thru.

Labels: happenings., musings., rants.

i think i will go ask gerard tomorrow if sandra could join us for abs training on weds, so that i dun have to be the only flower vase during training and also at the free weights section.


sad la, why must she be in nyp?! *sobx sobx* if only she was in np, in lsct, at least i think i would be an even happier girl in sch.


i seriously hope that he will make an exception or sth. like pul-ease? i really dun wan to be the only flower vase there. =\


wells wells.


i can't rmb wad i wanted to type already after doing the survey for clarisse. argh.

Labels: rants.

damn pissed. freaking pissed. ultimately pissed.


some idiot just have to pissed me off. when im in my bestest mood. bloody hell. i dun wanna see u again ever. get out of my life.


maybe i said that in pique, or maybe not. but i noe im fuming at the top. bloody hell. dun u dare tell me wad to do. u dun have the right to boss my life as u wish. damn u.


bloody hell. u wan to complain dun complain to me. ur problem is not my problem and im so not interested in wadever u care.


damn. i dun give a ****.


i so wanted this post to be a nice literary post. dang. spoiler. just have to spoil my bestest mood. which i hardly have nowadays.


anyways, i still have to thank God that He let daryl to drop me at the opposite rj bus-stop instead at the bus stop opposite ri. cos i took some of the nicest sunset pictures that i have taken at that bus stop.


at that point of time, i was so reminded by the verse '夕阳无限好，只是近黄昏' from a tang poem. (literal meaning is 'although sunshine is good, but the glory of it is spectacularly shown only during sunset'.) and i wondered on the bus if ppl of that era would regret that they can't capture that moment of array of colours splashed on that blue canvas called the sky.


after much thought, i realised that the ppl of those times would have learnt to cherish the beauty of nature more than the morden era ppl did. they had the time, the urgency to know when to cherish all God's glory displayed in nature.


they didn't have busy lives, they didn't have all the pollution around them, nor they had the entertainment to suck them in, all they had was the beuty of nature to embrace in.


at the last life meeting during campus crusade, we watched a video clip. in it it was said that 10 years ago, to record 10 mins of slience, 15 hours was needed. now, 2000 hours is needed to record that same amount of silence. that's how sound polluted our society has become.


and being so caught up with all these, just how much do we spend embracing nature?


often, i've envied the country dwellers for their simple lives; them being so close to embracing nature whenever they wished.


all i want is just to embrace nature as it is. without all the buildings around it. is it that hard for my wish to come true?


edit//


forgot to thank shaoxiong and hongyi for listening to my rants. thanks guys! im so sorry for venting all my frustrations on u guys. love ya loads!(as friends!)

Labels: appreciations, musings., rants.

too tired after all that sai kang yesterday and my knees were like hurting. blearghx.


took loads of picts while supposedly to be looking at how to maintain plants in parks and talking to classmates that i hardly talked to. glad that it was really a time of class bonding yesterday. and i just have to say that derrick really loked like a china worker! lala.


will be uploading to somewhere then linking it from here. but like i said, i might do photo editing first.


see how la. i'm a lazy gurl. haha.


nanana. wanted to rant about seeing eye candy in like another 5 days' time, but decided against it. cos rant or not it's still that same 5 days.


will go say hi to my mortal liaos. bye!


edits//


just realised i typed in the wrong number of days. 4 to see eye candy and 5 to breaking fast. rawr. hope i can hang in there till then.


fang and brigitte both tagged me!!! rawr. i dun like that. but i decided to do briggie's first cos it looks easier. so here it goes... (brigitte, u should be honored sia..)


Each player shall start by sharing 6 weird things about themselves. They will then tag 6 new players & these 6 people who're tagged, will write a new entry & giving 6 wierd things about themselves. & the game shall carry on. The 6 weird things about myself:


1. I like the cat to bite me.

2. I like the sky.

3. I can do about 400 crunches in a shot.

4. I like to fail ppl in my test.

5. I am abit saddistic towards myself.

6. I... aiyah...go ask cL, pat and brigitte wad's so weird abt me la. everyday all used to call me weird one. =P



The 6 people I've tagged are :



1. jasmine

2. fang

3. erm..

4. erm...

5. erm....

6. erm.....anyone la.

Labels: happenings., rants.

super pissed la. singapore's transport's system is like screwed up.


disgusting. i didn't really want to bring it up again, but it really have to piss me off so much.


it wasn't my fault that im late for lessons. like the stoopid bus just had to zoom past without stopping for me la. and the this really isn't the FIRST time la. what's their problem? eyes so blinded, cannot even see ppl flagging for bus then become wad driver? IRRITATINGLY PISSED.


dang. the transport system is that screwed up during peak hours. like u can't even get any cabs on the road (cos they ARE ALL CHANGING SHIFTS or REFUSING TO FETCH PASSENGERS LIKE MINS BEFORE PEAK HOUR AND ALL THAT NONSENCIAL ERP CHARGES.) and the bus disappears for like almost half an hour before SLOWLY driving into the bus with another of the same bus service right behind it.


then i just remembered that they are all from the same company. which explains why this whole system is screwed up during peak hours and weekend nights where everyone needs transport.


pissed, pissed and more pissed with this crap system. maybe i really should learn driving and save up for a car to drive myself to sch so i dun have to wake up so early just to go sch.


anyways, this is the part 2 of that time.


; uber pissed

Labels: happenings., rants.

i noe it's kinda late to blog abt it now (since it happened a few days ago) but im still pretty pissed abt it so i shall blog abt it and i proised to blog abt it. ( that kinda reminds me of someone's promise to make me a song for my first day of sch prezzie!!! *looks around and wonders how long ago since poly started its academic year...*)


went to this acessory shop in pkwy and found this person trying on EARRINGS when the sign says u can't. how disgusting is that and i had to buy a replacement earrings because i just had to drop mine in sch. *yucks* and the worst part is that the shop assistants were all around and they were doimng nth abt it. confronted the person and then he looked like he wanted to bash me up. (as if im in the wrong. wth?)


hey, someone needs to protect the rights of other consumers like me here. even tho they say they gg to buy the earrings, but hu noes they might put back and take new pair? then the next unsuspecting consumer walks in the shop and buys that pair. *shivers* i dun wanna think abt it. it's so unhygenic and where's their priciples man? are they going to teach their kids to do that too? wad happens if children sees this and they too follow because they see this kind of ppl doing it? setting bad examples. like the chinese idiom, 上梁不正，下梁歪 (for the benefit of those hu dunno, the literal meaning is that if the top beam is slanted, the bottom beam will be slanted too) kids will learn all the bad stuff from the older generation. (so now u noe why there are 'unreasonable' teens beacuse there are unreasonable adults around too.[see previous' post for more details or ask me abt it.])


irritating. okies. i need to slp/ study for the quiz. haven't finished blogging so there will be part two if i still wanna blog abt it.

Labels: happenings., rants.

i dun believe that i got conned into doing that man! sheesh. so maluating la. but then again, i doubt anyone noticed it, if not im like so dead.


rawr. all because of a shirt man. and i dun even dare to wear it out la. dang. maybe i'll wear it to 'scare' off a date huh? blearghx.


anyways, chem magic trick was like not too bad. scored 8.5/10. many thanks to fangling, edward and aishah! =)br>

and did i say i love

1G01

?! cos we rawk da house man! whee! =) thank God that He placed me here. cannot imagine wad will happen to me if im in somewhere else man. =)


shall go ZZZ. if not tml cannot wake up then die. =p bye!

Labels: happenings., rants.

PAM test suxed. seriously. wished i had studied harder and more carefully. but that's so not the point. the point was that i can't believe that i actually forgot to answer a 5 mark qns!!! sheesh. i noe i forgot the answer while i was sitting in the lt doing my paper, but at least i could have tried answering that stupid question. rawr. *pissed*


okies. it's over. and i can't turn time back. oh wells. term break's soon. after the gardening module with nparks on fri. then im going for church camp and also the educational trip to KL. and then i have to study for the tests next term.


what a life full of studying man. blearghx. and the worst thing is that i can't even chill out with friends after sch cos they all stay so super duper far from my house and sch. rawr.


so no life. i think im really going to be a nerd soon. like really, even tho i said it a gazillion times last yr. can't tahan it already. and why must ngee ann be so far from anywhere and everywhere?


blearghx. I NEED A BREAK. (i dun wanna a kit kat!)


oh wells. feeling a little better after ranting. I HATE HOLS THAT DUN FEEL LIKE ONE.

Labels: happenings., rants.

super pissed with the technical helpdesk for my router. stil can't get it fixed cos i suspect the ppl there all 'eating snake' there lors. yeah. rawr. think got a month without internet connection liaos lors.


supposed to be studying for my test tommorrow but i have to read mails and the posts on the forum. blearghx. wondered how did i survive all these while without internet sia.


wantedt blog sth constructive this morning when i was still thinking i could get my home internet up, but yeah, got pretty pissed till i forgot wad was that all about. =p


got interrogated just now by an irritating aunty who insisted that my sis and i must have a drink can hiding somewhere when we ordered ice tea and ice milo from the coffeeshop. now who says only youths nowadays are the most irritating and unreasonable ones?


wadevers. time to do other stuff.

Labels: happenings., rants.

rawr, fangling! u passed ur depression to me. =(


okies, not exactly depressed, but rather i feel troubled. so troubled my heart today that i nearly killed plants during voluntary gardening today.


oh wells. i can't explain y im troubled here la. cos i can't seem to find the right words to explain here.


anyways, im petty sad that gerard's not our instructor anymore. but clara's not bad either. =) but just that gerard's always suanning ppl (okies, it's always me cos he never sees me doing anything when he walks past me cos im always waiting to use the machine la.) when we are doing sets. =p i love gym lessons!!!! yippee. can always suan this particular guy who always boasts then always kena self- own one. lol. one kind of trying to impress girls. and of course knowing that u're losing some calories and toning muscles too. got fat ever since i stopped going for cca years ago.


supposed to be studying for taxonamy test on mon, and yet im actually blogging here. blearghx.


okies. i found my way to world farm. =)

Labels: happenings., rants.

subconciously feeling pretty upset. not sure why, but i guess, im worried about what the future would hold. like for the people the ppl i cared in sch who are yet unsaved and also for my classmates who will/ might be leaving the course. and also the ppl whom i love in church.


feeling pretty terrible now. and yeah. feeling that my world would go upside down again. soon.


and i think i just screwed up all my quizzes today. blearghx.


time to go home again. bye!

Labels: happenings., rants.

rawr. i think i really cannot play floorball. cos i think i haven't grasp the thing about it. sheesh. maybe it would be even more fun if i grasp the thing about how to use the floorball stick. PROPERLY.


and i can't believe that stupid weighing scale. gained a couple of kg(s) since sch reopened. dang. after all that excercise from walking that disgusting slope everyday and going for gym lessons for S&W and floorball. man.


argh. im tired and i wanna sleep. and did i say that i need to do cats hw? and i dunno wad to use as my topic. blearghx.


I dun like THIS!!!! rawr. nothing's going my way.

Labels: happenings., rants., tired.

(typed in sch) yay. finally it's friday again. marks the end of the second week of sch.


oh wells. this week been pretty fun, having to do stuff together with my friends and being hardworking (tho i must admit that im actually pretty slack) and also making new friends.



updaates
to all friends in np (esp fangling, aishah, lynn, laiying, edward, and all my other partners in class): thank you for making my week so enjoyable! =) love ya all loads!


i can't wait to sleep till noon man, but right now im still waiting for my dinner. (typed at home)

Labels: appreciations, happenings., rants.

i can't believe that i actually succumbed to the views of the world. eeeyer.


feeling pretty emo now.


i told julia just now (or rather yesterday) that i won't think of getting into a relationship cos im not ready for it la, and now i feel tempted. darn, wad's wrong with me.


anyways, who said that all you need is love?


and I WANT TO PLAY FLOORBALL! jasmine simply can't believe that i actually said that! lol. but i need to learn my bio stuff la. argh. darn taxonomy.


feeling pretty i- dunno- how- to- describe- to- u- but- i- guess- it's- anti-social- and- everything- negative.

Labels: happenings., rants.

so many things to be done and im so tired.


struggling to adapt to the horrible timetable and waking up at times that i normally would be sleeping during the hols and slping when i was used to be awake.


class's still okie, though i think im not that integrated into the class. and i found someone that reminded me of him, but they are so diff. sighs.


trying to get my priorities right. i need my scholarship to overseas uni pretty badly, cos i dun think without the scholarship, i can pursue a degree overseas, and the worst thing is that local unis dun have what i want. so yeah.


then im reminded that im supposed to give everything to Jesus. 'There is a place, high in my mind/ Where lofty dreams, ideals fly high/ But in that place, LORD YOU MUST REIGN/ And I MUST CEASE TO THINK IM WISE.'


and loosing my will for Him is a hard thing, especially when I think that this is the road that I want to take and Lord, i think this is wad You want for me, and anyway, Im still obeying Your conmandments.


sighs. have i lost sight of what is in store for me? am i starting to turn a deaf ear to the One who loves me the most? have i caught up with the realities of the world?


idk. for now, i only noe that i have alot of bio stuff to catch up. sighs. maybe i should become the president of mugger's club.

Labels: happenings., musings., rants., tired.

How would you feel....


if someone that u lost trust in suddenly said that they cared for you all these while?



How would you react....


to that when u have wounds that never healed over the years and fresh wounds are constantly inflicted upon?



What if....


you found that you've lost your first Love and nothing seemed to matter anymore?

Labels: musings., rants.

no rain for me to cry in, but i wished there was.


my mind's in a whirl. really. and i feel like puking.


there's nthing i can do now. i feel so sick that i feel like doing the unfinished business that i did years back and go to hell.

Labels: rants.

darn. i hate you you you you!


bloody idiots.


forget it. ranting anywhere's not going to help.


darn. i feel just so tired. really exhausted. sometimes i just wonder have i ever been myself for all these years. i suddenly feel like all these layers of fakness cracking up. and i dun like it. like im loosing my security, my everything.


i dun even noe wad's the real me anymore. like this pathetic lil soul has all the fakness evolved into her so much she can't tell it anymore. like pathetic. oh my goodness.


sometimes i just wonder if the center of my belief has actually existed. like yeah, i noe it's true, it's just the believing part. i just can't believe that i actually believed. like at times, i feel like a fraud. a huge liar, like my life is a big lie, all interwinded together for the past 18 yrs of my life.


then head knowlegde comes in. i noe God's the Almighty, but im lost, or at least i feel like it. i dun noe where to find Him anymore. i dun hear anything when i call upon him. i can't feel. the moment of dread's here: im starting to numb, getting cynical, self- defensive, self- abusive(psycologically).


i just feel like getting an ammesia and starting life afresh where no one noes me. poor lil twit.

Labels: happenings., rants., sian, tired.