okies. bear with me. for now cos im gonna translate the chinese post cos non- chinese reading ppl complained. so yeah.


_________________________________________________________________________

i dunno anymore.


wad would u do if u realised that he's not the God- given Mr. Right?


although i noe it in my heart, but yet i chose to do it.


man's pride, man's 'me-first thinking', will cause their own downfall.


i dun want my heart to leave you, Jesus! for only You noe my heart and my future.


a story that i once read and (i've found the e-mail!) i want u all to read it too.


Once upon a time there was a princess that lived in a beautiful palace overlooking a simple but worldly village. She lived in the castle with her Father, the King, and a handful of faithful servants. Her Father doted over her, supplying her every need and most all of her wants. Over the years, she blossomed into a beautiful teenage girl, quick-witted, full of laughter, and always obedient - but increasingly lonely.


Often, late at night, she would gaze from the window of her room, high in the castle wall, watching the people far away in the streets below. She would lean towards the gaiety, straining past the sounds of music and laughter, to try and pick out the words of the young people. No sad, lonely sounds ever reached her ears, and she began to believe that they must be the happiest people in the kingdom. "Father?" she asked one evening as they worked together on what he called her preparation. "Do you think that perhaps I might one evening be allowed to attend one of the festivals at the village? Perhaps just for a short time?"


The old, but wise King laid aside the Book of Lessons and looked upon his daughter with compassion and concern.


"My child, the village below is a worldly place full of sad people. The sound of merriment that you sometimes hear is their attempt to drown out the emptiness and despair of their lives. It is best that you stay in the castle."


Though she loved her Father, it was not the answer she wished.


"But Father, how will I ever meet…I mean…someday I would like to…Oh Father, you are so good to me, and I do so love it here, but at times I get so lonely!"


The King sat back in his chair, his eyes suddenly seeing his daughter not as the little girl she would always be to him, but as the young lady she was becoming. He then decided.


"It is time that I tell you."


"Tell me what, Father?"


Standing to his feet, he walked to a window overlooking the countryside to the East. His eyes fastened onto the King's Highway, a straight road that passed high above the village and led to the castle gate.


"Shortly after you were born, I foresaw the day when you would need someone special - someone with whom to spend your life. I set out to search, to visit other castles in the Kingdom; to find a prince for you. Not just anyone, but that special someone."


The King turned to look at his Princess, her eyes full of wonderment.
"I have met him. I know who he is."


"Oh, Father, where does he live? When do I get to meet him?"


"He lives far away, but not so far, in a castle not unlike this one. He, too, is being prepared as you are - both for the other. Come stand beside me, my child."


She walked to where her Father stood by the window.


"See there? That's the King's Highway. When the time is right and not before, he will come on a white steed. You will know him."


Then taking her hands into his, he looked into her tear-brimmed eyes.


"Princess. Never forget you are a child of the King. You are Royalty. The one being prepared for you is also of Royal Descent. Be patient. Prepare. And stay in the castle."


She hugged the King, jumping into his arms, happy now and determined to prepare and wait. For many months, at night, she looked out her bedroom window, past the village and its sounds to the Highway above, watching and dreaming of the one who would someday come.


A year passed. Then another. The dream became harder to envision, and the night sounds of laughter and glee from the village below again began working their way slowly into her thoughts. It became harder to concentrate on her preparation, harder to be patient.


One morning while taking her breakfast in the Royal Kitchen, a knock was heard at the back door, the door where deliveries were made from the village below. She waited for one of her Father's servants to answer but when none immediately did, she decided to answer it herself.


"Hello," said the young deliveryman as he pulled off his crumbled hat and bowed. (It was an exaggerated bow, very low and lasting, followed by a winsome smile.) She couldn't help but laugh.


"Delivery for his Royal Highness, the King," he proclaimed with just the slightest shade of irreverence. "And my, but I must say that he has hired some lovely kitchen help, a great improvement indeed!"


"Why, thank you, but I'm not the kitchen help," she replied blushing. "I'm the King's daughter."


"I had heard that he had a daughter. But I was never told how beautiful she was! Do you live here all alone with your Father?"


"For now," she replied, thinking briefly of the now fading story her Father had told her.


He carried the supplies past her into the kitchen. "You ought to come down to the village some night. The lads would be taken with you! Lots of friends your age and wonderful parties."


"Tell me about the village."


For an hour they talked - talked and laughed. Every story of the village life seemed so full of humor and excitement! He acted out the stories he told and sang a village favorite, dancing merrily to the tune. She could not remember ever laughing so much and found herself resenting her Father for not allowing her to take part.


"You must come to the village this very night. The Fall Festival begins and it is the best of the year."


She glanced awkwardly at the kitchen door. "I don't believe my Father would allow me to attend."


"Then sneak out after dark. I will meet you at the bridge this side of the village. You'll have a great time!"


"Perhaps." She hesitated. "But I can't promise."


"I'll meet you there," he said, then shut the door and was gone before she could answer.


That evening, she sat with her Father in the Great Room, he reading aloud from the Book of Lessons, and she pretending to be listening. In reality, she was measuring the diminishing light from the setting sun. The distant music began to loft up from the festival below, her imagination going skyward with it. It took several moments before she realized that her Father had stopped reading.


"You seem far away tonight."


She straightened her dress nervously, "No, just tired I think. Perhaps I should go to bed early."


"Darling?"


"Really, Father, I'm fine," she said, quickly getting to her feet. "Good night," she said back over her shoulder as she scampered up the stairs.


Two hours later, when it was believed that all in the castle were sleeping, a lithe, young figure stole out the kitchen door and disappeared into the night.


Three months later, a slightly older but much changed Princess marched into the Great Room to announce to her Father the decision she had made on the previous night. Her midnight visits had increased in frequency since that first visit a life time ago. The village nightlife was more exciting than she ever dared imagine. The people, though sometimes crude, laughed and sang and danced and chased each night into dawn. They were living! Living now! Not just waiting for a dream that might never come true.


The young man that had met her that first night had treated her, well, like royalty! In a hundred ways he had made her feel special. Then last night, the greatest of all nights of her life, he had proposed to her. She clutched the ring he had slipped onto her finger tightly in her palm, drawing courage from the pain it produced.


"Father, I have something to tell you."


He sat in his chair, the Book of Lessons on his lap, its pages freshly stained with his tears. She almost lost her resolve.


"I've met a young man. I know I shouldn't have gone without your permission but…anyway, we are going to be married - right away!"


The King shut the Book and stared out towards the Highway. "I watched you go each night, wishing you back." Then turning His eyes to her and through her, "This castle has never been a prison. This castle is a decision. I want you to know that if you leave here, things will never be the same again. My love for you will never change, but everything - everything - else will."


She wavered for a moment but only a moment, her head filled now with the village ideas.


"I know that this is what is right for me. He may not be Royalty but I love him." And with that she left the castle.


she woke with the dawn, not knowing that it was a year to the day since her departure. Her back hurt. "Just part of being in your last month of pregnancy," the village women had told her.

Rising with difficulty, her husband muttered something in his half-drunken state. He had come home only hours before and they had argued - again. Oh well, after the baby is born maybe things will get better.


There was still a house to clean and chores to do.


cking up a worn, straw broom, she walked outside to sweep the front porch. Their house was small. It sat at the edge of town, not far from the bridge where he had waited for her that first night. Her eyes followed the path up to her Father's Castle. The King had still found little ways to show her that he had not forgotten her, that she was still loved. But what he had said was now true. Nothing was the same.


Her eyes wandered to the East to spend a few minutes watching the sun rise, a simple pleasure that she shared alone each morning. Its rays almost blinded her, distorted the trees and hills beyond. Squinting against its brightness, she returned to the job at hand, first glancing absently up the High Road.


Her heart seemed to stop, gripped as if by a strong hand. The broom quivered in her grasp. Far down the road came a white horse, its rider sitting straight and tall. He seemed to be coming straight out of the sun. The horse quickened its pace as it neared the castle, sensing the excitement of its master. Her heart began to beat again, now loud and in rhythm to the pounding hoofs. He reigned his mount to a stop outside the castle's front gate. She could not make out his features but his stance spoke of honor and character. He knocked on the front door, her front door not that long ago. The King stepped out to greet him and she watched as they conversed; she watched as the King spoke with his hands and then pointed toward the village. Involuntarily, she took a step back into the shadow of the porch.


The noble Prince listened carefully, his strong shoulders sagging in disappointment and sadness. Shaking the King's hand and receiving from him a consoling hug, he mounted his horse. He looked toward her village home, his eyes finding her in the shadow. For a moment they both stared. Then, pointing his mount back toward the sun, he rode away into its brightness.


She felt the hot tears on her arms and hands long before it occurred to her that she was crying. Nothing, she thought, will ever be the same.


_________________________________________________________

i dun want to be the princess in the story.

Labels: musings.

blearghx. it's super duper wooper late la. or rather, i can go kiss my sleep goodbye.


feel like im doing DnT all over again. all those nights doing DnT/ and suppoedly chatting with daryl... just that now no one's online and i dun really chat with daryl online anymore, since i realised that actually i dun have any topics to chat with anyone, so yeah.


it's a lonely night. just me, myself and the laptop (which is not mine.)


sighs. so sad.


oh wells. i wanna watch secrets on wed, then i realised that he's not free on wed. (gillian's getting senile due to the fact that her brain's getting over saturated).


man. all i want to watch now is eyelids and i'll be a happy gurl. cos im starting to look super unglam, with all that eye bags and puffy eyes.


but then, if i do watch eyelids, im afraid that i won't go sch on time. argh! idk la. drink kopi....?

Labels: happenings., madness., musings.

im so in a dilemma (i just realised that i can't spell that word. =( ) recently. like mom says that im looking shorter (looking like a 'potato' as wad ricky puts it) cos she says my shoulders are getting broader and all due to free weights training, but i really liked free weights cos it nv fails to amaze me like how much weight i could carry after all.


rawr. why can't i just train and not get the muscles? i dun need all that bulk; the training makes me feel super shiok only.


see! that dun make me a girly girl. i thought i was one for the 17- odd years of my life. okies, maybe in some parts of my thinking i think like a guy. i can control my feelings like a guy too. so that dun make me a girly girl. haha. i dun wanna end up being a bimb.


okies. enough of rants.


saw this plaque which i saw on sat with jasmine which i thought it was super cool. 'TGIF- Today, God is First.'


tot that would make a super good reminder, like sometimes we get so caught up in our lives that we forgot that God's in control and that we try to do stuff on our own strength, only to come back realising that all these while, God has always been there, waiting for us to ask Him for help and that He would definitely see us thru.

Labels: happenings., musings., rants.

all by myself.


take it literally or figuratively, im still all by myself.


lost my sense of security in this place where i am.


in this vast world, im nobody. too minute to be even noticed by anyone bigger than this.


Someone found me, loved me, cared for me, yet i seemed to have left His side unknowingly. i thought i still loved Him, only to realised not. i thought i was beside Him, but i was not.


but one thing that i realised was that even after all that, i could still feel Him beside me, calling out my name everyday, just before i went to bed.


how could this be so? i have not been the person that He wanted to be; instead, i've deteriorated, forsaking Him as the love of my life and i could feel that im running away from Him.


and yet, even as i tried, i could still hear His still, small voice calling out my name, calling me to follow and love Him once more.


in my fugitive days, Lord, i have learnt that Lord,You are my everything, You fulfil my deepest needs, my wants. Indeed Lord, you're are the sole joy- Giver of my life and even if other things do make me happy, but that's just so temporal. I want something that is ever-lasting, something that could make me brim with joy even when im faced with trials and tempataions, O Lord. You, O Lord, are the only One who could do that. Lord, i want to stop running away from You. Teach me to put down all my pride and run back to You and be in Your presence once more, for You, O Lord God Almighty, are the One and only One, the One who created the all things with just a word and yet, im fearfully and wonderfully made in Your image.

Labels: musings.

didn't managed to talk to gerard, but managed to say a quick hi, cos he was orientating some ppl on the gym equipment and the rules and blah blah blah.


so just talked to clara instead. great talking to her till the point that i haven't do my poster for dga. anyways, sandra couln't come but nvm, i will teach u!!! lol. i hope i won't disappoint gerard by anyhow teaching. =p


went mcritchie reservoir for txp today and while resting, saw ah boon and some of the guys from sis' church. so went over to say hi. lol. and i nearly missed my class la. so paiseh. =)


yup. shall spend the rest of my free time trying to design the poster for dga (hopefully!). cya!


edits//


i feel like im losing my own identity, my goals, my values. okies, in short, i feel like im losing myself. i dun like myself anymore. i feel hypocritical. and the world too. i dunno. i dun like this feeling.


i once thought that it was just a passing phase, but then the reality of it being a real change in me sank in. maybe i have already changed, or it's just my perspective, i dunno. but i feel like i've changed. i dunno if it's good, but i've changed.


i dun feel like the way i used to feel about the things i've felt in the past. everything now feels so temporal, so on- the- surface. i yearn for something deeper to challenge my mind, my thinking. i dun wanna to be led by the nose. i want to break free, to be free of traditions, of rules, to have things in my own way.


call it rebellious or out of the box, but maybe that's what i want. to be in my own world where i could move as i would choose and not be tied down by all these temporal stuff in the world.


if i had a choice to choose, i would have chosen to live alone, without other human interference. even tho i may be lonely all the days of my life, maybe i would have my solitude. idk. it's just a thought.


solitude. the yearns of a person who does not have peace within her.

Labels: happenings., musings.

damn pissed. freaking pissed. ultimately pissed.


some idiot just have to pissed me off. when im in my bestest mood. bloody hell. i dun wanna see u again ever. get out of my life.


maybe i said that in pique, or maybe not. but i noe im fuming at the top. bloody hell. dun u dare tell me wad to do. u dun have the right to boss my life as u wish. damn u.


bloody hell. u wan to complain dun complain to me. ur problem is not my problem and im so not interested in wadever u care.


damn. i dun give a ****.


i so wanted this post to be a nice literary post. dang. spoiler. just have to spoil my bestest mood. which i hardly have nowadays.


anyways, i still have to thank God that He let daryl to drop me at the opposite rj bus-stop instead at the bus stop opposite ri. cos i took some of the nicest sunset pictures that i have taken at that bus stop.


at that point of time, i was so reminded by the verse '夕阳无限好，只是近黄昏' from a tang poem. (literal meaning is 'although sunshine is good, but the glory of it is spectacularly shown only during sunset'.) and i wondered on the bus if ppl of that era would regret that they can't capture that moment of array of colours splashed on that blue canvas called the sky.


after much thought, i realised that the ppl of those times would have learnt to cherish the beauty of nature more than the morden era ppl did. they had the time, the urgency to know when to cherish all God's glory displayed in nature.


they didn't have busy lives, they didn't have all the pollution around them, nor they had the entertainment to suck them in, all they had was the beuty of nature to embrace in.


at the last life meeting during campus crusade, we watched a video clip. in it it was said that 10 years ago, to record 10 mins of slience, 15 hours was needed. now, 2000 hours is needed to record that same amount of silence. that's how sound polluted our society has become.


and being so caught up with all these, just how much do we spend embracing nature?


often, i've envied the country dwellers for their simple lives; them being so close to embracing nature whenever they wished.


all i want is just to embrace nature as it is. without all the buildings around it. is it that hard for my wish to come true?


edit//


forgot to thank shaoxiong and hongyi for listening to my rants. thanks guys! im so sorry for venting all my frustrations on u guys. love ya loads!(as friends!)

Labels: appreciations, musings., rants.

heh. i love my eye candy! =) lalala.


okie. that's pretty random.


anyways, i need a hot pack to soothe my muscles. not aching but painful now, like ouch.


sighs. no time to go down to the gym lei. (not to see eye candy, but to get some workout for the other parts of the body, anyways, i dun think he's ard on sat.) which means i have to be dilligent in using my resistance band.


still fretting abt the wedding, cos i dun have the time to get a wedding prezzie for timmy and cindy la, and it's like another 2 more days. and it's not nice to go empty handed anywyas. argh!!!!


so tired. projects and tests are going to breathe down on my neck like really soon, or rather have started to breathe down on me and i can feel myself suffocating like soon.


blearghx. going off for campus crusade.

Labels: happenings., madness., musings.

haiz. still sick. been sick since i went for my educational trip.


can't wait to meet up with all the project servants again!! yippee! like first time since we parted on march 10. but the only thing is that edmund's not ard. if not we would really be back together as YG!!! nvm. but at least he's in china reaching out to the unreached. =)


looks like not many ppl noe me that well after all. =\ like as of now, only one person passed. and the rest failed. oh wells. that's pretty sad, but it's okies.


because i know im pretty anti- social. like really. and i feel like im slipping into that mode really soon.


anyways, saw gerard at the gym today! yippee. he makes good eye candy. lol. wad am i talking abt man? always talking gibberish. haha. and i can't wait to go gym!! like so long nv exercised liaos and i badly need to wake all that sleeping muscles in me man. (im so in love visiting the gym now.)


c'mon. i need a partner to go gym with me and work out all that sleeping muscles. (only applicable for current np students, or unless u wanna pay membership fees for that) i feel so good after doing some abs training after wellness programme.


now i noe why some guys love to workout at the gym. maybe it runs in the genes cos my uncle's like one of those guys who goes after hypertrophy and his muscles are like giganormous.

Labels: happenings., madness., musings.

so many things to be done and im so tired.


struggling to adapt to the horrible timetable and waking up at times that i normally would be sleeping during the hols and slping when i was used to be awake.


class's still okie, though i think im not that integrated into the class. and i found someone that reminded me of him, but they are so diff. sighs.


trying to get my priorities right. i need my scholarship to overseas uni pretty badly, cos i dun think without the scholarship, i can pursue a degree overseas, and the worst thing is that local unis dun have what i want. so yeah.


then im reminded that im supposed to give everything to Jesus. 'There is a place, high in my mind/ Where lofty dreams, ideals fly high/ But in that place, LORD YOU MUST REIGN/ And I MUST CEASE TO THINK IM WISE.'


and loosing my will for Him is a hard thing, especially when I think that this is the road that I want to take and Lord, i think this is wad You want for me, and anyway, Im still obeying Your conmandments.


sighs. have i lost sight of what is in store for me? am i starting to turn a deaf ear to the One who loves me the most? have i caught up with the realities of the world?


idk. for now, i only noe that i have alot of bio stuff to catch up. sighs. maybe i should become the president of mugger's club.

Labels: happenings., musings., rants., tired.

心里很矛盾，不知如何是好。

说了，怕他误会，不说，心里也不好受。should i still say then?


anyways, decided to try out the chinese feature. =)


anyways, went out to have fun @ bugis today with sandra. made up a silly song while at bishan station. lol. here it goes.


I can only imagine

(for Sandra. to be sung in original tune.)

I can only imagine

What would it be like

On the first day of poly life


Surrounded by test- tubes

and many chemicals

Will I just go a little crazy

and make an explosion

Or make a little conoction

That will make everyone laugh


I can only imagine

I can only imagine


lol. that's how lame we two can get when we are bored. ladidadum.


feeling quite sentimental now. cos redefining my world is not wad i've been so used to. sighs. like i did sth to my hair and i was pretty excited to show the whole world my new hair style, only then, i realised that church ppl consist of my world, for now.


like no more brigitte, chinling and pat's comments on the way i pulled my hair to sch, no more cam-whoring, no more 'latest gossips', no more having fun in the workshops/ COE with the J- class and everyone else, no more talking with the guys, no more.... so many more things.


to the 4K (J) ppl, i miss you guys loads!!! =)


waiting, to see my new world later.

Labels: appreciations, happenings., madness., musings.

food for thought: What if, people discovered that u aren't as what they think you ought to be? how would u react then? if, 1)you are the person who they think you are someone better than what you really are, 2) person whom u think someone's better than he/ she is?


i dunno. like really dunno. it seems scary like that's the reason if some one whom u are close to just leaves u because of that.


just because of that simple thing and a relationship is broken. sighs.


i wonder at times if i lived up to ppl's expectation of me, even tho i noe that ultimately, Man's aim is to be for God's glory and to enjoy Him forever and not men.

Labels: musings.

You could take a little trip around Singapore town/ In a Singapore city bus/ To see Collyer Quake and Raffles Place/ The Esplanade and all of us. =)


lol. nope. it's not national day yet. but i just felt like singing that song. like it's my fave humming song, for now. =)


toured Singapore with JASMINE today. lala. from Payar Lebar to Bugis and to Clarke Quay (by mistake) and down to City Hall.
so cool. seeing the city's night lights with friend is definitely diff. than going with family. =)


pretty romantic walk from Clarke Quay to City Hall. cos u'll pass by the beautiful lited skycrappers in Raffles Place/ Shenton Way down to Fort Canning Park, and then if u walk further, you'll pass by St. Andrew's Cathedral/ CHIJMES.(ahhha. get wad i mean?)


lol. i dun have ppl to walk with me to all that romantic places of singapore yet. not so soon. at least from wad i forsee now.


anyways, bought stuff that i needed pretty badly. so yay! =) but then im like so broke already. sighs.


SCHOOL'S STARTING IN ANOTHER 2 DAYS TIME!!! hmmm. so not prepared la.

Labels: happenings., musings.

the tv finally came. and it was such a lousy tv comparing to my old tv before it died okays. rawr. i should be thankful now that i have a tv to entertain myself now instead of complaining. but i still must say it looked so UGLY!!!! argh.


anyways, i was heard a conversation on the bus today (normally i dun bother listening, but they were talking freaking loud that they were interrupting my nap on the bus) from an RJ girl and her busmate and her friend on the phone and i must say i was like, omg. ARE U SURE?


line one: 'girls mostly look for a good-looking guy'

line two: 'u are a chinese! u can get away with it'


uh-huh. girls mostly look for a good-looking guy. yeah, not exactly. u wouldn't want the cutest guy on earth who has a black heart, would u? that person would be like a wolf in a sheep's skin and a devil with an angelic face. and most of the time, it's the inward part that ppl look at the end of the day isn't it? u wouldn't want to marry that cute guy that i gave as an example right? like just because he's cute then u want to marry him. no right? see. therefore line one has been overuled with effect by me.


line two. maybe i should give some background infomation from wad i inferred from the conversation. girl on other line wants to wack/ scold someone that she don't like, but she didn't dare cos she was in her sch u. girl on bus said that she should have went ahead and do wad she wanted to do and told her that if she was her (girl on the other line)she would have done wadever she thought of doing because girl on the other line was a chinese and could have gotten away with wadever she had done becos even if the other party knew wad sch she was from, she couldn't have known who she is becos of the chinese population there (or in any other goverment sch in singapore).


like that's not the point right?


wadevers. i guess, some of the elites have a 'different' mindset than we commoners have.

Labels: happenings., musings.

went lunch with the other camp comm. ppl at fish and co. at the glass house. i guess, it wasn't very nice cos im actually not very close with the rest of them and like 5/12 (including me) are girls, then sharon's not there and ella and seb joined in. =p so that makes the ratio of girls 5:9. how sad la.


waited for the food for a good 1 hour. man. not as if got that much customers right? and they served ppl hu came later than us like first? like hello? where got such thing one la?! make ppl wait for their food for 1 hour and we had to ask them for our food and the food isn't that fantastic either! and for this, i shall condemn fish and co there.


at least, as a consumer, i won't tolerate this kind of nonsense from there. crap service and still have to pay service charge. darn singapore laws for service charge. not as if singapore's services are that fantastic that we have to pay service charge and it's like 10% of total bill la. most of the time, ppl dun bother about u when u want to buy stuff even if u want to buy stuff cos u are a teenager like just becos teenagers dun have as much spending powers like working adults then bochap us.


oh wells. to such crap services, i shall just walk out of the shop. saves my money and dun even have to pay for all that unecessary charges.


thanks sandra for accompanying me to get stuff yest. =)

Labels: happenings., musings.

How would you feel....


if someone that u lost trust in suddenly said that they cared for you all these while?



How would you react....


to that when u have wounds that never healed over the years and fresh wounds are constantly inflicted upon?



What if....


you found that you've lost your first Love and nothing seemed to matter anymore?

Labels: musings., rants.

Labels: musings.

was just talking to daryl cos i overslept for church (again) and he was like asking me like wad i feel towards wad ppl thinking of me. okies. i really dun care wad ppl think of me. and he was like saying he needs more of that trait of personality.


I dunno if being detached from the society’s point of view is a good thing. maybe it is, if not, i wouldn't have taken this path really.


from being a retainee to taking horticulture and landscape management in poly, it's really not wad most ppl would do.


for me, im glad that i have supportive parents, but at the same time, i wonder how would i have fared if my parent's are aren't as supportive? will i bend into the pressure? hmm.


oh wells. i shouldn't thaink about all that now. cos it's God's plan, yeah? for me to have supportive parents so that i could do wad i loved to do and hopefully do 'a good work' in His name.


this song on K-love really spoke my heart as i was typing this post. enjoy!



Chris Tomlin - How Can I Keep From Singing

From the album See the Morning


There is an endless song

Echoes in my soul

I hear the music ring


And though the storms may come

I am holding on

To the rock I cling


(Chorus)

How can I keep from singing Your praise

How can I ever say enough

How amazing is Your love

How can I keep from shouting Your name

I know I am loved by the King

And it makes my heart want to sing


I will lift my eyes

In the darkest night

For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with You

Knowing You'll see me through

And sing the songs You give


(Chorus)


I can sing in the troubled times

Sing when I win

I can sing when I lose my step


And fall down again

I can sing 'cause You pick me up

Sing 'cause You're there

I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord

When I call to You in prayer

I can sing with my last breath

Sing for I know

That I'll sing with the angels

And the saints around the throne


(Chorus)

Labels: happenings., lyrics, musings.

after trying to pre-empt stares and screams, i still did not succeed by still getting all those today.


not too sure if it was a good or bad thing., and dear friend karwei tot i wasn't gillian. sighs. =p


maybe i should do more of this kind of surprises huh?


will post picts of the wedding when i get them and make u ppl *faint* or *run and hide*. lol.


yar.


was walking to the bus stop behind church and i thought alot. one was a good friend of mine and the other my ex- crush. i dunno noe how to face them, as in how i should be feeling when talking to them. like i wanna to talk to them as friends but that curiosity in me really wanted to know how's they had been handling it. okies. that's kaypoh-ness. like i still do love them as dear friends, but i dun wanna them to be like that. i noe i have been slow, but i dun wanna either of them to be unhappy (and it goes to all of my other other friendsyar.) but i just dunno how to go about talking to them.


i admit im not exactly a girly- girl (in terms of some character traits) and i really cannot do stuff that ppl thinks all girls should be good at doing: conforting ppl and be a good friend to girls (and anyone else.)


and i can be very insensitive and slow in reacting to ppl's reaction. now who says girls are all alike?


oh wells, i just pray that if God's willing, that they may be together no matter wad. =) like wad the old saying goes: 勉强是没有幸福的. if they are meant to be together, then good lors. =)

Labels: happenings., musings., rants.

i just thought of an analogy as i was trying to rescue my mite- infested AV.


mites are just like sin; being microscopic and the mite eggs' are laid in the plant itself and also needing a being to get rid of it from the infected plant. not only that, it's also very infectious; if not handled properly, they may spread to other healthy plants. however they are pretty afraid of light (how true is that with sin.) and moisture.


and the only way for the plant to get well is through chemical means, even though some say that by hot water it kills them too (but at the same time, killing the plant as well la, 同归于尽).


chemical on plants. it should hurt the plant a fair bit. cos plants can get burnt too if the dose is not right. in the same way, God uses trials to let us see our sin/ mould us into better ppl, except that God nv uses the wrong dose on us.


yeah, sure it hurts. we all dun like to face difficult times when we are in it, but think. when it's over, we are changed. our perspective changes too. in fact, we are changed to more Christ- centered beings, which is more to perfection in God's eyes.


same thing. after the infected plant get it's one month plus miticide treatment, it's healthy again. perfect once again. u get to see nice foilage and blooms from the plant.


and of course, like sin, we can never expect when those nasty things would resurface on the plant again. isn't this a great analogy? =p


finally, my brain's woking and not as rusty as it was for a long time.

Labels: happenings., musings.

many a times i used to wonder and pray, why was the answer a 'no' and i thank God that it was a 'no' now and that i have learnt to clear the feelings towards u.


i didn't want to know anymore, but God by His wisdom and grace still let me see the reason why it was a 'no'.


actually i guessed half the story already, so i guess it was a reaffirmation of what i thought. and im actually pretty glad that my reactions weren't something that i would believe that i would reacted in the past.


i guess i've been strengthened by the experience no matter what and i dun want to be ur girl anymore; i just want to be someone who will be always there for u, even in my times of immaturity/ insensitivity.


if u happen to read this, i hope u noe that u're a person whom i really respect and that i can be there for u if u want me to be, standing by ur side.


____________________________________________________


anyways, i realised that i've been posting nonsensical stuff over the last few days. yeah. maybe due to the fact that i had been rotting at home since my knees hurt/ after project serve and that i got quite a fair bit of imagination of wad can happen to me.


will continue to rot at home till poly starts. sighs. not the thing i want to do to pass time.


i dun feel like a friend to anyone. well, i dun even noe how to be a friend to ppl. how are friends suppose to be like? idk. failure. sighs. maybe i should really fulfil my not- very- childhood dream of being a hermit in some mountains and i should go do some gardening/ re-forestation at the same time. LOVE FOR NATURE. =]

Labels: happenings., musings.