maybe i was abit too harsh with my words, but yeah, i was really really super angry about it.


imagine u were me. to be once called a backstabber by ur closest friend in class when u tried to shield another friend in class who in turn called u biased. how would u react? (im not trying to say anything here, but just asking u to put urselves into my shoes.)


call me rash or anything if u want. but i dun think i want to take that post back, nor am i going to do anything abt this whole thing unless someone provokes me again. (does it remind u of this line called 'let sleeping dogs lie peacefully?')


i feel so tired and so disillusionised by all the spat of things that happened recently. which does not apply to the things happening in sch and im not going to e-la-bo-liate.


oh yeah! thank you to all who have been hearing me rant this whole week end. like i noe i have been repeating it like countless times this whole week end. =) and thanks to serene who gave me a hug when i needed it most. =) thanks to you all! (sorry that i couldn't name u all personally cos there's simply too many.)


yeah. loads of tests and other random stuff coming soon.


gillian goh, u better stop day-dreaming and wake up. finish studying for ur exams which is like another month more first before u even think about ur birthday and how u want to celebrate it.



i shall be off studying then heading off to lala-land.

Labels: happenings., tired.

man, i felt so hurt and disappointed with you. actually, more than that. like i felt like i was betrayed, like the way Jesus felt when judas betrayed Him.


i can't belive that u called me biased, and all, when u 'forced' me to tell u everything. wad's the point? about u knowing everything that she did to me and fang?


i still can't believe that u actually used my trust just to get urself liked by her.


if she did ALL THAT to me and fang, she could also do that to u.


i dunno wad good will it do to u by siding her.


i feel that after all these that has happened, i really dun want to be ur friend anymore. like u said urself, we can't communicate. and anyways, since we are on the diff wavelengths, it's better not to communicate anyways.


atually, im not sorry for the way things turned out this way, cos u created this mess. u made used of our trust to gain her trust.


i really cannot bring myself to forgive u at this point in time, not after u have hurt fang and i so deeply. even tho Jesus has called us to forgive our enemies.


in His last prayer, Jesus said: 'Forgive them, for they knew not what they were doing.' but u as a christian, being reborn and also free of Satan's grip, has chosen to follow the wrong way and also chose to hurt the ppl who trusted u.


i said that i wouldn't be affected by all this, but this is simply too much. if only u could be less selfish and see from the other point of view and stop being so self- righteous.

Labels: tired.

rawr. i think i really cannot play floorball. cos i think i haven't grasp the thing about it. sheesh. maybe it would be even more fun if i grasp the thing about how to use the floorball stick. PROPERLY.


and i can't believe that stupid weighing scale. gained a couple of kg(s) since sch reopened. dang. after all that excercise from walking that disgusting slope everyday and going for gym lessons for S&W and floorball. man.


argh. im tired and i wanna sleep. and did i say that i need to do cats hw? and i dunno wad to use as my topic. blearghx.


I dun like THIS!!!! rawr. nothing's going my way.

Labels: happenings., rants., tired.

unproductive day studying. gaah. GILLIAN GOH, wad on earth have u been doing?!


sighs. i have a more productive day shopping and also on the stuuf that was said in the bible on bgr.


speaking of that, i must say that im not ready for bgr and currently not looking for a 'significant other'. like the thought of getting married scares me. and after bgr, it's marriage. NOOOO. i dun want to get married. at least for now.


wells. anyway, i dun think any one would actually like me. blearghx. like im so not the typical girl that ppl would like. so i shouldn't really worry about getting married young huh?


sorry if this post sounds rubbish to you, cos it sounds gibberish to me too. this is the effects of letting gillian go sleep- deprived. therefore, if u want to be nice to her, let her have her beauty sleep.

Labels: happenings., random, tired.

sighs. i NEED SPACE for my tillies okkays? desperatly needing pace for them.


anyways, serene (lim), i think i just got a tilly that's purrrrfect for u!!! and i so happen that im running out of space. do u think u want it? lol


yeah. im tired from sch. shall go ZZZZ.


still thinking if i should go join floorball tomorrow. hmm.

Labels: happenings., tired.

so many things to be done and im so tired.


struggling to adapt to the horrible timetable and waking up at times that i normally would be sleeping during the hols and slping when i was used to be awake.


class's still okie, though i think im not that integrated into the class. and i found someone that reminded me of him, but they are so diff. sighs.


trying to get my priorities right. i need my scholarship to overseas uni pretty badly, cos i dun think without the scholarship, i can pursue a degree overseas, and the worst thing is that local unis dun have what i want. so yeah.


then im reminded that im supposed to give everything to Jesus. 'There is a place, high in my mind/ Where lofty dreams, ideals fly high/ But in that place, LORD YOU MUST REIGN/ And I MUST CEASE TO THINK IM WISE.'


and loosing my will for Him is a hard thing, especially when I think that this is the road that I want to take and Lord, i think this is wad You want for me, and anyway, Im still obeying Your conmandments.


sighs. have i lost sight of what is in store for me? am i starting to turn a deaf ear to the One who loves me the most? have i caught up with the realities of the world?


idk. for now, i only noe that i have alot of bio stuff to catch up. sighs. maybe i should become the president of mugger's club.

Labels: happenings., musings., rants., tired.

darn. i hate you you you you!


bloody idiots.


forget it. ranting anywhere's not going to help.


darn. i feel just so tired. really exhausted. sometimes i just wonder have i ever been myself for all these years. i suddenly feel like all these layers of fakness cracking up. and i dun like it. like im loosing my security, my everything.


i dun even noe wad's the real me anymore. like this pathetic lil soul has all the fakness evolved into her so much she can't tell it anymore. like pathetic. oh my goodness.


sometimes i just wonder if the center of my belief has actually existed. like yeah, i noe it's true, it's just the believing part. i just can't believe that i actually believed. like at times, i feel like a fraud. a huge liar, like my life is a big lie, all interwinded together for the past 18 yrs of my life.


then head knowlegde comes in. i noe God's the Almighty, but im lost, or at least i feel like it. i dun noe where to find Him anymore. i dun hear anything when i call upon him. i can't feel. the moment of dread's here: im starting to numb, getting cynical, self- defensive, self- abusive(psycologically).


i just feel like getting an ammesia and starting life afresh where no one noes me. poor lil twit.

Labels: happenings., rants., sian, tired.

argh. new supervisior wants me to write reflections/ journal everyday then he read. as in the intention is good, but writing everyday in a book will just kill me. sheesh.


today was killing. cos had so many meetings and all. brain refused to think and all i wanted to do today was to sleep. argh.


i dunno wad to post. and i really dun feel reflective. and all i want to do is to sleep, but i noe that i should clear the house so that the 3 Js and other ppl hu want to see my plants for the longest time ever can come over and see the plants. =)
gaah. mom complaining that i should be sleeping when i was complaining so much just now that im tired. and i nid to clear the house.


ciaos!!!

Labels: happenings., rants., tired.

went to amk central to do contact work.


was super cool and novel, even tho i was complaining that im too tired ealier in the day.


cool experience. and i guess, i should really consider extending my time in YG. heh. i liked wad im doing la.


yeah. haven't prepared my yd materials yet. teaching the class tml. darn. im so tired.


and i have to think of wad to do for publicity for children's camp 2007. TRUE COLOURS.

Labels: happenings., musings., tired.

sick and tired of clearing the darn place.


not in the best of moods. cos my mom had to make me run to places like imm and ikea after work. nearly died of fatigue and i really have panda eyes now la. thanks.


anyways, i can get more tillies now (yay) cos my mom decided to get bamboo blinds to cover up the hated wall of 22 years. okies. so are u thinking wad's the link? haha. dun tell u. =p can come to my house to see for urselves after mom approves. =)
MID- POINT CHECK.


im already halfway thru Project Serve. and i hope i can go for the mission trip. then i will be super happy.


okies im random. and im having a headache. eeks.

Labels: musings., random, tired.

been too tired to on the comp for the past few days. so yeah.


and im still tired. yeah. will nap immediately when im done surfing the net for the things i want.


anyways, really thank God for my sponsors, yeah. im really very touched by the outpouring of generosity from them by the grace of God.


and i've raised enough money for allowance this month. =) thank God.


yeah. and im supposed to prepare the devotion like now. sheesh.



edit/


IM GONNA GET MORE TILLIES IF ALL GOES WELL. YAY.


madness.*note* that money is not from my allowance.
and i really hope joyce will do the same course as mi. yay. then got kha-ki in yfc and in class. =) haha. *in the midst of psyco-ing her* lol. plant talk.


and my dad randomly told mi yesterday (i didn't tell him i wanted to do horticulture and landscaping yet.) that if i can keep my plants nice and healthy, he would let me do horticulture and landscaping and help me open a shop in a market/ shopping centre (after i huh-ed) when i graduate from poly.


haha. that's all God's plan. maybe He wanted to affirm me that it was His plan for me to go horticulture and landscaping after Os.

Labels: happenings., tired.

stoning during tuition time when we were supposed to interact/ teach them tuition today cos i was like really tired la. sheesh.


anyways, had combined training today with the rest of the Project Servants at EH and chee hong was our teacher (pls rmb that he was the super lame speaker who always overshot in his msges during camp last yr and 'picking' on zac teo and linus. heh.). haha. he and his super power packed with lame jokes power teachings. really enjoyed his teachings and im sure glad that i talked to him today when i was on my way to EH.


yeah. rather enjoyable day today, even tho i find sth seems quite amiss today. hope im just oversensitive to stuff around me.

Labels: happenings., tired.

super tired from Project Serve and tomorrow heading to chai chee sce for facilitating some skills programme. heh.


heh. attended first children's camp meeting and was rather brain dead. sheesh. and thank God i have my first sub comn member!!!! *drumrolls*......JASMINE!!! haha. but i think she can do the publicity job without me la. lol. =p


anyways, not all the boe's gonna be there (phew) but im still rather jittery. oh wells.


and i think i shall go water my thirsty plants and also my rather hungry cat!

Labels: tired.