im so in a dilemma (i just realised that i can't spell that word. =( ) recently. like mom says that im looking shorter (looking like a 'potato' as wad ricky puts it) cos she says my shoulders are getting broader and all due to free weights training, but i really liked free weights cos it nv fails to amaze me like how much weight i could carry after all.


rawr. why can't i just train and not get the muscles? i dun need all that bulk; the training makes me feel super shiok only.


see! that dun make me a girly girl. i thought i was one for the 17- odd years of my life. okies, maybe in some parts of my thinking i think like a guy. i can control my feelings like a guy too. so that dun make me a girly girl. haha. i dun wanna end up being a bimb.


okies. enough of rants.


saw this plaque which i saw on sat with jasmine which i thought it was super cool. 'TGIF- Today, God is First.'


tot that would make a super good reminder, like sometimes we get so caught up in our lives that we forgot that God's in control and that we try to do stuff on our own strength, only to come back realising that all these while, God has always been there, waiting for us to ask Him for help and that He would definitely see us thru.

Labels: happenings., musings., rants.

sometimes, life's just weird.


so many things in life could happen, but they dun, and when u dun except it, they come crashing into your world. and rarely, they come when u are excpeting it.


just a thought.


didn't really do abs training yest. cos gerard looked like he wanted to die liaddat. (cos he nv rest properly, since he had been doing that for the past few days of the week. *madness*) so went to do a round of circuit training which led my other muscles to feel really worked out (meaning that i haven't been exercising the other muscles or im just getting fat from all that munching for the past 2 weeks.


blearghx. hate that feeling. but i still need to chiong for projects which i really dun understand anything for some.


bla bla bla.


yusri has always been saying that i go gym just to see gerard. like no! it's not just, it's called also okies. c'mon, get it right yusri. i do go there to get my muscles too. hmmmmm. *i hope he reads this.*


so tired.


i dunno. been feeling v far away from everything and everyone. like a feeling that im not important anymore. yeah.


passing phase i suppose. blearghx. i hate pms la. yuck. makes my days spoilt. like mood swings and all. siao keng. it's making me go mad.


rants rants rants.


i dunna s&w to end so soon. why?! NOOOOO! i want my s&w lessons. not because of eye candy (nah, he's definitely not the reason to y i got hooked to the gym..), but i just like that thing cos it makes u exercise at least once a week if u really did sth during that 2 hrs la.


yeah. one more lesson to go nia. how sad.


maybe i was abit too harsh with my words, but yeah, i was really really super angry about it.


imagine u were me. to be once called a backstabber by ur closest friend in class when u tried to shield another friend in class who in turn called u biased. how would u react? (im not trying to say anything here, but just asking u to put urselves into my shoes.)


call me rash or anything if u want. but i dun think i want to take that post back, nor am i going to do anything abt this whole thing unless someone provokes me again. (does it remind u of this line called 'let sleeping dogs lie peacefully?')


i feel so tired and so disillusionised by all the spat of things that happened recently. which does not apply to the things happening in sch and im not going to e-la-bo-liate.


oh yeah! thank you to all who have been hearing me rant this whole week end. like i noe i have been repeating it like countless times this whole week end. =) and thanks to serene who gave me a hug when i needed it most. =) thanks to you all! (sorry that i couldn't name u all personally cos there's simply too many.)


yeah. loads of tests and other random stuff coming soon.


gillian goh, u better stop day-dreaming and wake up. finish studying for ur exams which is like another month more first before u even think about ur birthday and how u want to celebrate it.



i shall be off studying then heading off to lala-land.

Labels: happenings., tired.

man, i felt so hurt and disappointed with you. actually, more than that. like i felt like i was betrayed, like the way Jesus felt when judas betrayed Him.


i can't belive that u called me biased, and all, when u 'forced' me to tell u everything. wad's the point? about u knowing everything that she did to me and fang?


i still can't believe that u actually used my trust just to get urself liked by her.


if she did ALL THAT to me and fang, she could also do that to u.


i dunno wad good will it do to u by siding her.


i feel that after all these that has happened, i really dun want to be ur friend anymore. like u said urself, we can't communicate. and anyways, since we are on the diff wavelengths, it's better not to communicate anyways.


atually, im not sorry for the way things turned out this way, cos u created this mess. u made used of our trust to gain her trust.


i really cannot bring myself to forgive u at this point in time, not after u have hurt fang and i so deeply. even tho Jesus has called us to forgive our enemies.


in His last prayer, Jesus said: 'Forgive them, for they knew not what they were doing.' but u as a christian, being reborn and also free of Satan's grip, has chosen to follow the wrong way and also chose to hurt the ppl who trusted u.


i said that i wouldn't be affected by all this, but this is simply too much. if only u could be less selfish and see from the other point of view and stop being so self- righteous.

Labels: tired.

all by myself.


take it literally or figuratively, im still all by myself.


lost my sense of security in this place where i am.


in this vast world, im nobody. too minute to be even noticed by anyone bigger than this.


Someone found me, loved me, cared for me, yet i seemed to have left His side unknowingly. i thought i still loved Him, only to realised not. i thought i was beside Him, but i was not.


but one thing that i realised was that even after all that, i could still feel Him beside me, calling out my name everyday, just before i went to bed.


how could this be so? i have not been the person that He wanted to be; instead, i've deteriorated, forsaking Him as the love of my life and i could feel that im running away from Him.


and yet, even as i tried, i could still hear His still, small voice calling out my name, calling me to follow and love Him once more.


in my fugitive days, Lord, i have learnt that Lord,You are my everything, You fulfil my deepest needs, my wants. Indeed Lord, you're are the sole joy- Giver of my life and even if other things do make me happy, but that's just so temporal. I want something that is ever-lasting, something that could make me brim with joy even when im faced with trials and tempataions, O Lord. You, O Lord, are the only One who could do that. Lord, i want to stop running away from You. Teach me to put down all my pride and run back to You and be in Your presence once more, for You, O Lord God Almighty, are the One and only One, the One who created the all things with just a word and yet, im fearfully and wonderfully made in Your image.

Labels: musings.

didn't managed to talk to gerard, but managed to say a quick hi, cos he was orientating some ppl on the gym equipment and the rules and blah blah blah.


so just talked to clara instead. great talking to her till the point that i haven't do my poster for dga. anyways, sandra couln't come but nvm, i will teach u!!! lol. i hope i won't disappoint gerard by anyhow teaching. =p


went mcritchie reservoir for txp today and while resting, saw ah boon and some of the guys from sis' church. so went over to say hi. lol. and i nearly missed my class la. so paiseh. =)


yup. shall spend the rest of my free time trying to design the poster for dga (hopefully!). cya!


edits//


i feel like im losing my own identity, my goals, my values. okies, in short, i feel like im losing myself. i dun like myself anymore. i feel hypocritical. and the world too. i dunno. i dun like this feeling.


i once thought that it was just a passing phase, but then the reality of it being a real change in me sank in. maybe i have already changed, or it's just my perspective, i dunno. but i feel like i've changed. i dunno if it's good, but i've changed.


i dun feel like the way i used to feel about the things i've felt in the past. everything now feels so temporal, so on- the- surface. i yearn for something deeper to challenge my mind, my thinking. i dun wanna to be led by the nose. i want to break free, to be free of traditions, of rules, to have things in my own way.


call it rebellious or out of the box, but maybe that's what i want. to be in my own world where i could move as i would choose and not be tied down by all these temporal stuff in the world.


if i had a choice to choose, i would have chosen to live alone, without other human interference. even tho i may be lonely all the days of my life, maybe i would have my solitude. idk. it's just a thought.


solitude. the yearns of a person who does not have peace within her.

Labels: happenings., musings.

i think i will go ask gerard tomorrow if sandra could join us for abs training on weds, so that i dun have to be the only flower vase during training and also at the free weights section.


sad la, why must she be in nyp?! *sobx sobx* if only she was in np, in lsct, at least i think i would be an even happier girl in sch.


i seriously hope that he will make an exception or sth. like pul-ease? i really dun wan to be the only flower vase there. =\


wells wells.


i can't rmb wad i wanted to type already after doing the survey for clarisse. argh.

Labels: rants.

I LOVE MY EYE CANDY!!!!


yippee. gillian's is a very happy gurl today. =) cos she went out with her eye candy and friends for supper yst, and she thinks that maybe he's her Mr. Right.


haha. too bad no picts, cos she was too happily indulging in the conversation and the food too.


anyways, plan of the day is to go thomp plaza and study with sandra. yay. i need to study. =) i need to have brawn and brains too, although i dun really want to have so much of brawn.


better get off the com so that i can be off to bathe and go out studying.

Labels: happenings., madness.

sch was alrighty, i supposed.


but just that i felt like im backsliding. like im losing it. im feel like i dun belong to it anymore. like that connect had been lost and even connected, it's a fuzzy line.


yeah. lots of unanwered questions that seemed to be choking, and yet i can't seem to formulate them in words.


torturous.


rawr. have to study for chem retest la. yuck. i hate those formulas!!! blearghx. thought i could run away from them if i took this course. nono, gillie, u can't run away from formulas. wahahaha.


sheesh. at least it's friday tomorrow. yay. get to see eye candy tml. and do photoshoot on sat. =)

Labels: happenings.

i noe this is a pretty emo pict. yeah.


took it during dga lessons when the lecturer was meeting with other groups and i was waiting for my group's turn.


maybe fang didn't managed to capture wad i really wanted to potray and yeah, the pict of me looks weird. have to put in more effort in doing up the 'look' that i wanted to capture.


if u have already guessed it, yup, it's the toilet. loved the ole skool-ness of it. which is not well shown here.


and i also promised shaoxiong that i would show he sth, which i can't remember. dang! really got stm (short term memory) la. hmmm... i think it's the sunset issit? or issit this?


wadevers. tell me if u see this yeah?

Labels: sian

damn pissed. freaking pissed. ultimately pissed.


some idiot just have to pissed me off. when im in my bestest mood. bloody hell. i dun wanna see u again ever. get out of my life.


maybe i said that in pique, or maybe not. but i noe im fuming at the top. bloody hell. dun u dare tell me wad to do. u dun have the right to boss my life as u wish. damn u.


bloody hell. u wan to complain dun complain to me. ur problem is not my problem and im so not interested in wadever u care.


damn. i dun give a ****.


i so wanted this post to be a nice literary post. dang. spoiler. just have to spoil my bestest mood. which i hardly have nowadays.


anyways, i still have to thank God that He let daryl to drop me at the opposite rj bus-stop instead at the bus stop opposite ri. cos i took some of the nicest sunset pictures that i have taken at that bus stop.


at that point of time, i was so reminded by the verse '夕阳无限好，只是近黄昏' from a tang poem. (literal meaning is 'although sunshine is good, but the glory of it is spectacularly shown only during sunset'.) and i wondered on the bus if ppl of that era would regret that they can't capture that moment of array of colours splashed on that blue canvas called the sky.


after much thought, i realised that the ppl of those times would have learnt to cherish the beauty of nature more than the morden era ppl did. they had the time, the urgency to know when to cherish all God's glory displayed in nature.


they didn't have busy lives, they didn't have all the pollution around them, nor they had the entertainment to suck them in, all they had was the beuty of nature to embrace in.


at the last life meeting during campus crusade, we watched a video clip. in it it was said that 10 years ago, to record 10 mins of slience, 15 hours was needed. now, 2000 hours is needed to record that same amount of silence. that's how sound polluted our society has become.


and being so caught up with all these, just how much do we spend embracing nature?


often, i've envied the country dwellers for their simple lives; them being so close to embracing nature whenever they wished.


all i want is just to embrace nature as it is. without all the buildings around it. is it that hard for my wish to come true?


edit//


forgot to thank shaoxiong and hongyi for listening to my rants. thanks guys! im so sorry for venting all my frustrations on u guys. love ya loads!(as friends!)

Labels: appreciations, musings., rants.

too tired after all that sai kang yesterday and my knees were like hurting. blearghx.


took loads of picts while supposedly to be looking at how to maintain plants in parks and talking to classmates that i hardly talked to. glad that it was really a time of class bonding yesterday. and i just have to say that derrick really loked like a china worker! lala.


will be uploading to somewhere then linking it from here. but like i said, i might do photo editing first.


see how la. i'm a lazy gurl. haha.


nanana. wanted to rant about seeing eye candy in like another 5 days' time, but decided against it. cos rant or not it's still that same 5 days.


will go say hi to my mortal liaos. bye!


edits//


just realised i typed in the wrong number of days. 4 to see eye candy and 5 to breaking fast. rawr. hope i can hang in there till then.


fang and brigitte both tagged me!!! rawr. i dun like that. but i decided to do briggie's first cos it looks easier. so here it goes... (brigitte, u should be honored sia..)


Each player shall start by sharing 6 weird things about themselves. They will then tag 6 new players & these 6 people who're tagged, will write a new entry & giving 6 wierd things about themselves. & the game shall carry on. The 6 weird things about myself:


1. I like the cat to bite me.

2. I like the sky.

3. I can do about 400 crunches in a shot.

4. I like to fail ppl in my test.

5. I am abit saddistic towards myself.

6. I... aiyah...go ask cL, pat and brigitte wad's so weird abt me la. everyday all used to call me weird one. =P



The 6 people I've tagged are :



1. jasmine

2. fang

3. erm..

4. erm...

5. erm....

6. erm.....anyone la.

Labels: happenings., rants.

heh. i love my eye candy! =) lalala.


okie. that's pretty random.


anyways, i need a hot pack to soothe my muscles. not aching but painful now, like ouch.


sighs. no time to go down to the gym lei. (not to see eye candy, but to get some workout for the other parts of the body, anyways, i dun think he's ard on sat.) which means i have to be dilligent in using my resistance band.


still fretting abt the wedding, cos i dun have the time to get a wedding prezzie for timmy and cindy la, and it's like another 2 more days. and it's not nice to go empty handed anywyas. argh!!!!


so tired. projects and tests are going to breathe down on my neck like really soon, or rather have started to breathe down on me and i can feel myself suffocating like soon.


blearghx. going off for campus crusade.

Labels: happenings., madness., musings.

whee! i love the gym man. =) lalala. *mad* haha.


nvm u all. pangseh me when i ask u all to go with me for the abs training class. i doubt u all will surive it anyways. became the first and only female survior okies. lalala. *gives myself a pat on the back*


aching, but i love that feel. like my muscles are like flexed and toned. do u call that saddistic? i dunno.


i dunno if it runs in the genes, but at least i noe i got influenced by my uncle and others to like workouts at the gym. =p


so tired, but i haven't studied for txp test. rawr.


at least dr koh promised that he won't give us the bougainvilleas for the test later, which is good. 2 down, only 18 to study! yippee.


shall be gone for studying. =p

Labels: happenings.

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive. Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

super pissed la. singapore's transport's system is like screwed up.


disgusting. i didn't really want to bring it up again, but it really have to piss me off so much.


it wasn't my fault that im late for lessons. like the stoopid bus just had to zoom past without stopping for me la. and the this really isn't the FIRST time la. what's their problem? eyes so blinded, cannot even see ppl flagging for bus then become wad driver? IRRITATINGLY PISSED.


dang. the transport system is that screwed up during peak hours. like u can't even get any cabs on the road (cos they ARE ALL CHANGING SHIFTS or REFUSING TO FETCH PASSENGERS LIKE MINS BEFORE PEAK HOUR AND ALL THAT NONSENCIAL ERP CHARGES.) and the bus disappears for like almost half an hour before SLOWLY driving into the bus with another of the same bus service right behind it.


then i just remembered that they are all from the same company. which explains why this whole system is screwed up during peak hours and weekend nights where everyone needs transport.


pissed, pissed and more pissed with this crap system. maybe i really should learn driving and save up for a car to drive myself to sch so i dun have to wake up so early just to go sch.


anyways, this is the part 2 of that time.


; uber pissed

Labels: happenings., rants.

oh wells. too lazy to blog abt part 2 la.


anyways, been bz with DGA project and also currently doing a scrapebook with all my picts that i developed. =)


so that's why i say i need more picts la.


been cam whoring with fang! yay! so happy. missed the good ole cam whoring days during truncated timetable last year with chinling, brigitte and pat. =) man. we really need to meet up la. missed you guys loads. like loads. (esp brigitte okies? since u mia-ed after the Os.)


lalala. i wanna do my scrapebook but i ran out of story line to write le. =\ and i need to do my chem hw. yucks. i can't seem to do chem anymore. *sobx*


I NEED HELP!!!!

Labels: happenings.

i noe it's kinda late to blog abt it now (since it happened a few days ago) but im still pretty pissed abt it so i shall blog abt it and i proised to blog abt it. ( that kinda reminds me of someone's promise to make me a song for my first day of sch prezzie!!! *looks around and wonders how long ago since poly started its academic year...*)


went to this acessory shop in pkwy and found this person trying on EARRINGS when the sign says u can't. how disgusting is that and i had to buy a replacement earrings because i just had to drop mine in sch. *yucks* and the worst part is that the shop assistants were all around and they were doimng nth abt it. confronted the person and then he looked like he wanted to bash me up. (as if im in the wrong. wth?)


hey, someone needs to protect the rights of other consumers like me here. even tho they say they gg to buy the earrings, but hu noes they might put back and take new pair? then the next unsuspecting consumer walks in the shop and buys that pair. *shivers* i dun wanna think abt it. it's so unhygenic and where's their priciples man? are they going to teach their kids to do that too? wad happens if children sees this and they too follow because they see this kind of ppl doing it? setting bad examples. like the chinese idiom, 上梁不正，下梁歪 (for the benefit of those hu dunno, the literal meaning is that if the top beam is slanted, the bottom beam will be slanted too) kids will learn all the bad stuff from the older generation. (so now u noe why there are 'unreasonable' teens beacuse there are unreasonable adults around too.[see previous' post for more details or ask me abt it.])


irritating. okies. i need to slp/ study for the quiz. haven't finished blogging so there will be part two if i still wanna blog abt it.

Labels: happenings., rants.