for the past one month or so im was always wondering is it just me who is oversensitive or wad?


i hate myself for being too sensitive, but i just can't help but feel that im just a bad friend. gaah.


maybe cos i've entered into a new phase of life and if so this transition's a rough patch where i feel exhaused from trying to be in the crowd with the ppl who are still in sch.


i dunno la. sheesh. i wished i was really an anti-social with A.P. now. lol.


with the current spat of things happening in my life, i really feel that im a youth at risk/ troubled teen.


thank God that i can trust Him to pull me back to sanity when i think i would have done something stupid.


sorry that it's not a very nice post after hiatus.


anyways, i can't believe that im midway through Project Serve!!! gosh. life's slipping too fast!! yucks.



edit/


if u realised, gillian's not feeling herself and if u want and still do care for her, do sth before she does sth stupid. (it's not compulsory to do anything nice towards gillian but she just feels that no one cares and she's just off to eat some worms.)

Labels: happenings., rants.

im the no. one blur queen. and many ppl can testify to that.


okies, i noe i haven't blogged in ages and i actually dun reallie like to blog now. yeah.


and i dun want to say the story regarding to the statement above. blearghx.


anyways, im still surviving in project serve and im working tomorrow too.


CAMP ECHO AND THANKSGIVING FOR YOUTH MINISTRY!!!!!! yay!


been too tired to on the comp for the past few days. so yeah.


and im still tired. yeah. will nap immediately when im done surfing the net for the things i want.


anyways, really thank God for my sponsors, yeah. im really very touched by the outpouring of generosity from them by the grace of God.


and i've raised enough money for allowance this month. =) thank God.


yeah. and im supposed to prepare the devotion like now. sheesh.



edit/


IM GONNA GET MORE TILLIES IF ALL GOES WELL. YAY.


madness.*note* that money is not from my allowance.
and i really hope joyce will do the same course as mi. yay. then got kha-ki in yfc and in class. =) haha. *in the midst of psyco-ing her* lol. plant talk.


and my dad randomly told mi yesterday (i didn't tell him i wanted to do horticulture and landscaping yet.) that if i can keep my plants nice and healthy, he would let me do horticulture and landscaping and help me open a shop in a market/ shopping centre (after i huh-ed) when i graduate from poly.


haha. that's all God's plan. maybe He wanted to affirm me that it was His plan for me to go horticulture and landscaping after Os.

Labels: happenings., tired.

stoning during tuition time when we were supposed to interact/ teach them tuition today cos i was like really tired la. sheesh.


anyways, had combined training today with the rest of the Project Servants at EH and chee hong was our teacher (pls rmb that he was the super lame speaker who always overshot in his msges during camp last yr and 'picking' on zac teo and linus. heh.). haha. he and his super power packed with lame jokes power teachings. really enjoyed his teachings and im sure glad that i talked to him today when i was on my way to EH.


yeah. rather enjoyable day today, even tho i find sth seems quite amiss today. hope im just oversensitive to stuff around me.

Labels: happenings., tired.

youths @ risk. do u want to know them?


youths @ risk. do u want to associate with them?


youths @ risk. do u want to be their friend?


how i wish there were more people willing to be their friend and hear them out, cos if so, there won't be YG in existance.


anyways, we watched a movie (cos boss thought it would be good to watch the movie and also it's an educational show meant to be shown in schools only) called 'After school' starring jacelyn tay and thomas ong (omg! he's cute. haha)!!! haha. good movie and it's abt youths @ risk.


and so happened today my dad on the tv just now and channel 8 was showing abt this guy who was a youth @ risk too. so cool. deepened my thoughts abt them. =)


anyways, brought my tillie for them to see and they said it was very nice. haha. and daniel (if u didn't know, andrew fu's bro.) asked if it was a fake plant and if it was covered with red paint at the END OF THE DAY. oh wells. but nevermind. that means it's so pretty that ppl think it's fake. haha.


and im really glad that the YG Project Servants are really getting really close now, as a team now. yay. and even daniel's opening up. isn't that a good sign?


i hope that the good days won't pass so fast. cos i really enjoyed myself serving in Project Serve even tho if it means that i have to sacrifice YF on sat, being seperated from my plants after getting so attached to them and also the opportunity to crash the JCs and also the chance to work during the free time.


I REALLY CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT MY LIFE WOULD BE LIKE WHEN I'M NOT IN PROJECT SERVE!!!!!!


haha. madness, but true. it's really a happy day.


time to start doing my prep. for devotion or i'll never be able to start doing. heh.


oh, if u want to know who are the great ppl who really made me made my days in Project SERVE, they are * prepares drumroll...* BOSS (aka uncle houw jin), EDMUND, ZEBEDEE, RACHEL, CHERLYN, VELDA, XINWEI and DANIEL. yay. dun they deserve a round of applause for making these few weeks and the weeks to come great? haha.

Labels: happenings., madness., rants.

im really sorry for that emo post yesterday. yeah.


anyways, Project Serve was not too bad today, just starting the real stuff today with going to bowen sec to help ygos (youth guidance outreach services) for facilitating PEARLS programme.


felt odd la, like i said, rival of tk, lol. but i must say that the school's really huge, not like tk, rather tiny. and i think the environment looks not bad too. oh wells, i dun intend to stay in sec sch all my life anyways.


then went over to chen su lan methodist home for an orientation with the place and also to know wad we'll be doing on thurs and sat.


rather tiring, i must say, having yesterday evening to slp and now im falling into the vicious cycle of being nocturnal. argh.


somehow looking forward to leading devotion on one of the fridays suddenly, even tho just now my eyes were like going to pop out when i heard we have to lead a 1 hr devotion each during the time in Project Serve.


and now the gals think that every coloured plant that they see on the streets are the plants that i have at home after explaining that bromeliads, which tillandsias fall under, has one of the most colourful plant species in the plant kingdom. how i wish i have everything, then my house can become the garden of eden mentioned in the bible liaos. how nice.


will bring one of my tillies tomorrow to show them what exactly is a tillandsia.




edit/



i think im getting too letargic to blog. sorry for not able to expressing myself straight and also for all the typo and all that u dun understand for the past few posts. took me quite some time to realise those mistakes and edit them. sheesh. this is the negative side effect of being in Project Serve, BUT there are more positive effects than negative GUARENTEED. =)

Labels: happenings.

couldn't blog yest cos mom using com.


oh ya. before i forget again, just thanking wilfred and karwei again for waiting with me at the bus stop for my bus on sat even tho i know that they really wanted to go home.


okies. so sun was just shopping at j8 for more clothes (specifically jeans) cos i realised that i dun have enough bottoms to last for a week and i reallie dun want to wear skirt when im working. hehe.


and today's my half day. lalala. and so today's only staff meeting and lunch with YG. and i'll be heading down to my sec sch's rival (if u didn't noe, it's bowen cos of band. thank God i was not in band even tho my mom and sis badly wanted me to be in band cos it's the best cca in my sch and also maybe cos my sis was in chinese orchestra (CO) .) tml for facilitating some programme.


and it's raining again!! wad a wet week. and im sure my plants dun want to be drinking water again. will bring them in, i guess.



add ons


if tomorrow never comes, how will I react? will I be like the world who doesn't care? maybe.


being anti-social and friendless is starting to take a toll on me. putting on a facade every day is just so mentally exhausing. i wished someone actually realise that i feel so out of place amongst the sea of ppl. and more so with my friends.


lesson to learn and apply in my life: i will be as friendly and real as possible to the ppl i will be meeting thru YG. cos being anti-social and friendless is really dangerous to the ppl who are thinking like the above.


how do i know? cos im actually feeling like that but the words used amplified my feelings. so it's sort of exagerating, but i hope it really hits your heart as to wad ppl around u in your life might be feeling and be more sensitive to them. (im not hinting to be nice to me.)


i dunno whether to feel happy or sad.


i guess, life has been tiring in Project Serve physically and mentally and spiritually challenged but at the same time, i feel that God has let me see life in a way that i never really did and i just feel sad like now. cos i can only attend yf like in march and also some thoughts that just passed thru my mind.


i dunno whether im drifting away or wad, but i feel so far away with friends, aka u ppl hu are reading this little blog because u know me. i dunno. maybe it's time to really trust the gospel link that i shared with my sec one boy whom i was mentoring to.


in any case, thank you for all the times that we shared and i hope you know that im actually available just for anyone who needs me even tho im abit hard to reach via phone and also with all my commitments during this period of time.


feeling rather vulnerable and lost.


nothing was said when you say nothing at all, because i really dunno wad's in you.

Labels: musings.

i really decided that i should really talk nth about plants and almost everything under the sun to my dad. sheesh.


trying to psyco me that wad im doing is wrong and everything that he says is right esp when i have tested and proven that my way is correct. darn. this is such a dangerous place to be in, whereby if ur faith is not strong enough, u would be swayed by the wrong values/thoughts and information.


and if u didn't know and or just read my blog, my family's rather dysfunctional and my most hated place in s'pore is actually my house. (surprised?)


so anyways, my tillies are still drowning in the rain and will try to dry them when the rain stops and i think i just lost my sunniest place in the house (on the kitchen sink and if u wanna know, the tillies are actually out of the window, so not really considered inside my house) to sun my other potted plants. sheesh.


okies, in order to brighten up this post, i found that one of my tillies is pupping too!! yay. so that makes 3 (capitata 'yellow', eric knoblotch, and ionantha var maxima). and im expecting another one to pup soon too. and hopefully my xerograpica will flower soon. =)


sorry for the scientific names and all, but im reallie happy la. heehee.


ooh. project serve ended early today cos we were at chai chee sec helping project works. will be heading to amk office to kickstart the real work in yg tml!!! *jitters* again. =p

Labels: happenings.

super tired from Project Serve and tomorrow heading to chai chee sce for facilitating some skills programme. heh.


heh. attended first children's camp meeting and was rather brain dead. sheesh. and thank God i have my first sub comn member!!!! *drumrolls*......JASMINE!!! haha. but i think she can do the publicity job without me la. lol. =p


anyways, not all the boe's gonna be there (phew) but im still rather jittery. oh wells.


and i think i shall go water my thirsty plants and also my rather hungry cat!

Labels: tired.

OMG GILLIAN. YOU ARE GOING TO BE ROLE MODEL OF THE YEAR IN TK. (surprisingly after graduating last year and also having being infamous for being late.) lol.


dun bother about that statement above.that's wad koh said when i went back this morning. hopefully he dun embarass me next month when i go back take results can liao. lol


anyways, project serve was super dry today, cos it's talk, talk and more talk the whole day, and i had to reallie try not to fall asleep cos of all the recent late nights and also haven't reallie recharged from that draining but super fun camp.


yeah. i still need to edit my pss letter and also need to do my testimony which i have to deliver as speech on sat in front of all the steering com and also the BOE!!!! and now i just AGREED to do the posters for children's camp. MADNESS!!!


but i know that God will see me through like wad He've promised. and i really can't wait for the time for me to turn zombie la. haha.


anyways, i think im really getting hooked up to walking. cos i walked from sch to EH and from EH to home. hehe. maybe i should aim to try walking from home to church one fine day. ULTIMATE OF THE MOST ULTIMATE MADNESS.


okies. i know that this year im very anti- social and all. so do forgive me if i haven't been talking to u ppl for the longest time eva.


it just feel so weird la, not being in sch and all. do give me time to adapt to all these stuff la.


anyways, today was one kind of mad rushness cos i, as usual, couldn't wake up in time and was rushing like siao and then the cat was trying to catch my legs cos she tot i was playing with her. hmm. thank God that today was at Emmanuel House aka EH, so i wasn't too late after all cos it was only 2 mrt stops from my house. heh.


im still not sure wad's gonna be in store for me in project serve sia. heh. and i doubt my dad's gonna let me go for the mission trip in late feb/ early mar and then i can't think of anyone who would sponsor me thru project serve la. sheesh. i think im gonna be like so dead. okies. i must learn to trust in the Lord.


and then, we played frisbee just now! (therefore i didn't go and see daryl off, so yeah and so did the yf-ers hu were in project serve too, anyways, he's gonna be back like soon too.) heh. four on four la, but then with jeremy being the most pro playing there and on the opp. team, my team just enjoyed walking across the field la. =) haha.


oh wells. time to see all my darling tillies! =) ciaos.



edit/


SO HAPPY!!!!! 2 of my tillies are pupping! and one or two more quite soon! lalala. so happy. =) haha. im really happy that my plants are becoming parents la. hehe. so happy till im like repeating myself. cos i was just wondering wad could happen to them cos they weren't in their usual colour.


AND I DUN HAVE TO DYE MY HAIR BLACK!!!!!!! wheeeeeee!!! haha. madness. cos i love my hair colour now la. =) hehe. im reallie a happy gal now. =)

Labels: happenings.

i hate my mom for hogging the com and talking to THAT PERSON. esp when i badly need to rush out my pss letter.


gah. i can't think and im very pissed cos im tired and im still up thinking wad to type and im having a headache.


oh wells, the camp was super tiring, and i still can't believe that i actually hiked up bt timah hill, cycled another round in it and did abyselling and from bt timah, walked all the way to macritichie reservoir on dirt road. and still wanting to walk more the next day.


gah. now aching all over like siao now.


anyways, thank God for seeing me through camp and keeping me safe in one piece, even though i think i could have fractured my leg and my ankle during the (very dangerous) hike.


gtg and catch some sleep. bye!



edit/


thank God for answering my prayers and i've put the past behind me liaos and pray that daryl's flight back will be a smooth one too. =)

Labels: happenings.

back from camp. will update at a later time. too tired now.


went to mom's office and helped to clear her office and do stuff to prepare for the new sch year. and in return, i got a tilly!!! yay.


anyways, im supposed to be in lala-land now, cos i need to be at choa chu kang mrt station at 8 am for the syfc orientation camp for project serve.


it's a 3 days 2 nights camp, so yeah i won't be around till sat and hope my tillies and my potted plants can survive without me and not dead la. =p


oh brigitte, think i will show u how a tillandsia looks like the next time i see u by bringing one for u to see and touch/ play (think that will be when we take our results) cos my usb wire's spoilt and can't upload pictures.


fell and slided on the floor when i was at woodlands interchange la. sheesh. and now my knee's hurting. hopefully camp won't be like obs (that's wad i heard. hmm.)


time for mi to charge up my batteries for the next few days and also to enjoy my bed for the last time this week. ciaos!


i so wished i didn't like u. cos it suxed, knowing in my head from that from the very first day i found out that i liked u that it's impossible between us.


gaah.


sorry that im ranting abt liking him again even tho i said i won't and i was to forget him. eeks. not liking someone's hard, but it just seemed insurmountable to not like him. yucks.


not a good post for being the first post of 2007.


everyone's gonna get busy soon, and it certainly feels odd not going to sch when sch reopens for primary, secondary and tertiary (junior college).


i must get over this feeling soon.


a fresh start for the new year and to put my past behind mi.


it's over gillian, it's over. learn to put everything behind u. a time to laugh, a time to cry. a time to learn, a time to apply. it's time to learn to apply the head knowledge in ur life girl.

Labels: rants.