This is just a ranting place and a platform for Gillian to express unspoken thoughts.
If you happen to feel offended, you have the right to ignore it by clicking the 'back' button or that small red box with the 'X' in it or u can feel free to confront me.
about me
GiLLiE aka gillian;
Clueless about the world; and not knowing where she would go from here; yet firmly believing that God is in control.
She wants to tell the world about JESUS, the man who came to transform her world.
Prompted by
Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:
But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. (James 1:13-14)
For we wrestle, not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the
darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. (Ephesians 6:4)
And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men. (Matthew 4:19; Mark 1:17)
Thursday, July 30, 2009
12:20 PM
as usual slacking... gosh... totally not in the mood to do my report. argh.
okays... i left conclusion and recommendations and appendix... and viola! im done. at least for the report... and then i'll have to do my poster.. which i feel is the dumbest thing eva.
right. msn-ed ferooze just now. =) quite happy cos i haven't talked to him for 2 yrs plus. but then it's like the usual formalities then after that then wad? im really not some one who can converse well on msn.
and woah. just now talking to jocelyn on the phone and she shared that she just got a job offer that can start tomorrow. like so cool can! =) so glad for her that she got a job. =) yay yay.
okayys. looks like mabel's not lunching with me...hur? sigh. kkays. anyway, i should be thinking of the things i need to hand in tml.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
9:24 AM
sheesh. i really hate the report. can't think of wad to write.
still nua-ing in makan place. happily (actually not very happy also) surfing net.. doing anything except doing my IAP stuff. yucks.
sigh. i really need to rethink everything abt IAP. blearghx.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
11:46 AM
okayys. here it goes... I AM SO NOT IN THE MOOD TO DO MY REPORT, PPT AND POSTER. argh.
and really, i wanna die already. come come, brain. you need to function. i dun wanna fail this module, and reapeat it. yuck yuck yuck. boo to you! IAP. yuck.
as of today for the past 3 hours, i only typed a pathetic paragraph and the opening slide for my ppt. and i dun even think any of it made any sense to me.
feeling really terrible for the past hr/ not sure if im too bored or am i falling sick. so glad i've brought my converse jacket. sheesh. i contrast with the bright yellow table that im seating at real well.
okayys. fang's coming to find me for the next 4 hrs. so ya.. at least won't be too bored. but hope able to do something productive.
Monday, July 27, 2009
1:39 PM
was browsing thru some ppl's blogs; seriously, blog hopping is really not my thing anymore.. im like 1) im too tired to on the com, 2) im too bz in work (last time), 3)im too bz checking mail/ fb-ing, 4) i can't multi- task, so no surfing net and last but not least, 5) i kinda forgot to go back to read the posts!
anyway, not the point again. i think sometimes u'll nv know when ur post really lifts ppl up. ya. maybe like the last few posts that brings an insight to gillian hasn't been edifying tho. ya.
i know gillian's character/ responses have been fluctuating the past year (like i can bet a million dollars for those who seen me thru my years in poly were like puzzled why gillian changed petty much and all) and if u hated the change in gillian, dun worry, u're not the only one.
i think it's really a trying period of time where God really puts you to the test. to test once and again to see if you past the test. for me, i really can't say if i will pass the test, but really, when i pass the test, gillian would become more stable(?)
Psalm 51 To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet came to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba. Psa 51:1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to Yourloving-kindness (aka unfailing love); according to the multitude of Your tender mercies, blot out my transgressions. Psa 51:2 Wash me completely from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. Psa 51:3 For I confess my transgressions; and my sin is ever before me. Psa 51:4 Against You, You only, have I sinned, and done evil in Your sight; that You might be justified when You speak, and be clear when You judge. Psa 51:5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. Psa 51:6 Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts; and in the hidden part You shall make me to know wisdom. Psa 51:7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Psa 51:8 Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which You have broken may rejoice. Psa 51:9 Hide Your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Psa 51:10Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Psa 51:11 Cast me not away from Your presence, and take not Your Holy Spirit from me. Psa 51:12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Psa 51:13 Then I will teach transgressors Your ways; and sinners shall be converted to You. Psa 51:14 Deliver me from the guilt of shedding blood, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness. Psa 51:15 O Jehovah, open my lips, and my mouth shall show forth Your praise. Psa 51:16For You do not desire sacrifice; or else I would give it; You do not delight in burnt offering. Psa 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. Psa 51:18 Do good in Your good pleasure to Zion; build the walls of Jerusalem. Psa 51:19 Then shall You be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering; then they shall offer bulls on Your altar.
one of gillian's fave psalms for now. haha.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
9:39 AM
ROMP! on TV! yay!
9:00 AM
i think when i learn to start to articulate, things will just start flowing from me. yup.
being back in school isn't such a bad idea after all. thru this, i really see the sovereignty of God once again. too many things happened, and i know that if not for God, i'll nv ever move on. yups.
really so blessed to read vicky's schedule and i know that when i take time to read her schedule and to process thru, it really stirs the lazy heart of mine to like 'hey! what are you doing to the things that you need to do?'
yup. and yesterday as i was having personal time with yvonne, my crusade stuff, i just felt that God's speaking again la.. like the things that He's shown me, will i do it or once again sweep it under the carpet?
too many times, they just get swept under carpet and never got down to be done.
John 1:1-14 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God. All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life; and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not. There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all men through him might believe. He was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of that Light. That was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world knew him not. He came unto his own, and his own received him not. But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God. And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
3:04 PM
Sentuh hatiku
Betapa kumencintai How I love Segala yang t'lah terjadi All that has happened Tak pernah sendiri jalani hidup ini I have never been alone in this walk of life Selalu menyertai But always protected
Betapa kumenyadari How I realised Di dalam hidupku ini In my life Kau slalu memberi rancangan terbaik You have a wonderful plan Oleh karena kasih Because of love
REFF (CHORUS): Bapa, sentuh hatiku, ubah hidupku Father, touch my heart, change my life Menjadi yang baru To be anew Bagai emas yang murni Just like pure gold Kau membentuk bejana hatiku You have shaped my heart
Bapa, ajarku mengerti sebuah kasih Father, teach me to understand a kind of love selalu memberi That always gives Bagai air mengalir Let it be like a flowing stream of water Yang tiada pernah berhenti That never ends
love this song alot. yups.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
11:31 PM
ROMP! was okay, well, great. haha. yup. at least i feel like i should be gymming more often, like wad i used to, back in yrs 1.2- 2.1.
well, fang was just telling me how good it was to see the 'old' gillian and well, she and mabel didn't really like the 'new' gillian and all.
which sets me thinking, that the so called 'old' and 'new' gillian, which is actually the real me. and i felt that over the last few days, God has been trying to tell me who i really was.
like wad struck me was adrian ong's illustration of the emperor's new new clothes in the christian walk in fri's prayer. like many times we are deceived by satan in believing the things we can do and we can be to the thoughts of other ppl.
sometimes i know that im living in the lies of the devil, but then it's like i'd rather live in those lies cos they hurt so much to know that what i've believed in almost my entire life is nothing but a lie.
come to think of it, sad, but true.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
10:07 AM
well, a month plus since i actually updated. not that i didn't type any posts in between this period, but just that they never got to the end before i didn't feel like typing anymore.
somehow, i just feel that blogging's meaningless... like there are so many things that i wanna say, but then i can't say it out cos it will blow things up and ya, it will put my life at stake. so it's really like 哑巴吃黄莲, 有口难言.
after doing so many rounds of questioning and reflecting during the last few days over the last few months, i came to the conclusion that wadever i do and say, most of the time, it just amts to nothing. like the chance to talk is just to save their skin of not giving me a chance to talk, or they just felt that wadever i said was crap.
overall conclusion: just be deaf and dumb, and heap everything to myself.
then the next question comes: have i been trusting God or have i been leaning on my own strength all this while?
like i feel that im a bride (well, the bible says that we are God's bride) who tells her fiance that okay, i trust that You will come, but runs off before anything was done.
in a way, to be more transparent, i really felt that this was it. gillian's so dead and better off dead too. gillian can't see anything anything in front of her even tho of the things God revealed to her concerning her future.
but ya, gillian knows running does not solve the problem too. sigh.