Somewhere In The Middle- Casting Crowns

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

chorus//
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle



i dun wanna be somewhere the middle anymore; i dun want to have deep water faith yet standing in the shallow end or a choing-ing soldier behind a barbed fence.

it sounds ridiculous; and it is ridiculous.


im trying to pull myself together, relax and breathe.

will miss xu meng and hiang teck alot... like they made my life more bearable after lay hun and derrick left together... and now they are leaving together too. oh wells.


sigh. okayys. on the brighter side, i finished 3 months in attachment (hallelujah!). really cannot wait for it to end actually.

but i know and i know and i know that God is using this period of time to break me. like out of my little world to reality. and thank God for Justin who just encouraged me to work hard and that the Lord sees.

and that when i walk this period of time with Him, i will walk out stronger and anew.

5 loaves and 2 fishes. what will i put in my basket?


i really cannot make head or tail about all these things.

like being in HLM, being here on attachment, going thru what im going thru, going thru this period of refining.

maybe i have been lukewarm. maybe too long, have my heart lost its passion.

i can't seem to understand the spiritual implications anymore. i don't want to be in that place. yuck.

in a sense, i just feel very sian. sian of the things God has promised me. i noe i was very excited about them, and i noe that somewhere in my heart, i would definitely say, yeah man, God, let's do it together! like whoohoo! i simply cannot wait for You to bring me into the Promised Land.

God, search my heart. let the revelation that somewhere in my heart that there is nothing that would be able to seperate me from You change me from the inside out. let there be a spark that would never cease to burn; cause that spark to burst its surroundings into flames.

because i want more of You. because im not satisfied living in yesterday's hour, im not satisfied having the form and not the power Lord.




a kaleidoscope of things that has been happening, yet being unable to see the severity of them.

just on sunday, i heard/ saw of 4 funerals that are going on. and one of them happened to be my direct neighbour who had been staying beside me all my life. and my sister asked if i was sad about it, i didn't feel anything at all. like emotion-less. just like the way when my grandfather passed away when i was sec 2, i simply didn't feel that i was sad and morning over it.

i should say that my reaction should be scary. like hello?! people are dying. and without knowing Christ at the same time.

how could i say that i have a passion for people when the people in my immediate circle are dying, and im like, 若无其事, pretending that there's nothing wrong when something's really wrong?


to the things that i cannot see and trying to run away from.

excuses after excuses that im too tired to think. i really dun understand what's happening to the ppl that i care in my world and i feel that everything's going so fast.

argh. i need to learn to think when im tired.

anyway, really need to thank God for the people who came to help me. ya, for fang, jocelyn, daryl, mr lim, xue ming, daniel ng. =)

argh. i really hate that thing. sheesh.


there must be more than this...


tired from work over the last few days. but thank God that daryl, daniel ng and jocelyn so graciously came forward to help me move the stuff. so i guess i would have never been able to do that without them. and i would have been 10 times more chui had i done it alone (which i think that by then i wouldn't be here typing this blog post).

how can i keep from singing Your praise? how could i ever say enough, how amazing is Your love?

thank God also for victoria, whom, as usual, know something's wrong even sometimes before i myself know it and bothered to ask me abt it and someone whom can really give good feedback too. =D which really is a blessing for me, cos i know and i know that she is really someone whom i can really share things if both of us have the time and actually sit down to talk/ msn abt it and also to learn from the things that i did was wrong.

A choice is set before you now
living or dying, blessing or cursing
You know, the time has come around
to turn from your fighting
and rest in his mercy

chorus
Choose life, that you might live
the life that He gives
He gives you forever
Choose life, the way that it's true
from the one who chose you
your father in Heaven
Choose life

Trust the Lord with all your heart
all of your soul and all of your being
Hold on, listen and obey
surrender your life into His keeping

chorus

And the weight you're under
will be lifted away
And the world will wonder
what happened here today
then you'll stand right here and say

chorus

the song that is in my head/humming list whenever i reflect upon the things that are going thru in my life. and it's really meaningful, cos life is really like a set of choices and a step wrong, it could cause you to be able to do wad you were born to be.

fri's prayer meet had caused me to see the power of Jabez's prayer, the man who was called Pain, to not resign to fate. that he would no longer be called Pain, but as he prayed, he asked that 'Oh that thou wouldest bless me indeed, and enlarge my coast, and that thine hand might be with me, and that thou wouldest keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me!' And God granted him that which he requested.

that God, no longer will my name be called Pain, but as u lead me out of my fate into the glorious destiny of Yours, that God, You would bless me, not for my comfort's sake, but God, to do Your will dear Lord. ...


feeling really very very very vexed.

like im just caught in spots where i really dun want to lose my anger so that ppl could just stop all their nonsense and rar-rar and just listen to me.

i just feel that im not heard. i feel that my patience is wearing thin. like anymore nonsense is going to make me blow up soon.

but out of this, i believe that God is really helping me to expand my patience. but in a way, i really hate the way that some ppl are testing my limits. like i dun in that way and i really dun think i want to conform to that.

im trying to bring the temper down so ya.


recovering from sinusitis and tonsilitis. =p

well thank God it wasn't as bad as the previous episodes as in in the sense that when i take them apart, it wasn't as bad as the isolated cases the last time i had it.

like my appetite's back. yay. and i still want more potato salad (but i had more carrots than potatoes, so by rght it's called carrot salad).

yups. and if u didn't realise, im acting bz again. =p

will update again. cos i lost the mood to blog already due to the fact that i forgot what i wanted to type.