hmmm... to all u have been coming, this blog has been dead.. haha.. ya...

anyway, some things to thank God for:

- church camp. Im able to go! yay.
- for my walk with God. thank God that He's still the ultimate Boss in my life.
- mabel working with me in my company even tho she'sleaving soon cos sch starting soon le.
- for the upcoming good friday and easter! thank God that Jesus died on the cross for us.
- for the things that He has been working in my life and things He has shown to me (i can't and will not share mostly becos it's not time and God says cannot share to the ppl uninvolved.)

so ya... internet's been down at home and so cannot go online at night.... thinking that God wants me to spend more time with Him just as vicky's spendng the night time with Him (if u didn't know, my night time being online is mainly to chat with vicky) yup. shall go wait upon the Lord and hear His voice when i go home this week.


i noe i haven't been blogging.... well guess im tired.

im tired physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually... even tho i didn't do much. okay, other then the fact that i've been sleeping late cos i was msn-ing vicky...

i could feel myself sliding away... im just blearghx after the day and all i ever wanted to do is to sleep, rest, dun think about anything. but im burdened. im tired of being in the place i am now. im tired of not being able to rest in God, as much as i want to, im tired of being a support to my mom at times, im tired of being unable to connect to God and ppl in a way i want to.

im tired of having the form but not the power. im not satisfied, but then i feel so tired to do anything. i can't say that i haven't received anything from God during services; in fact, God has been speaking to me...but i just simply cannot concentrate to hear. distracted? ya, u bet.

sigh.... i dunno la.





BROKEN INTO BEAUTIFUL
By Gwen Smith / Sue Smith / Chad Cates

She's smiling on the outside
But she's hurting on the inside
It's getting hard just living anymore
And the shadows she has clung to
Painful things that she has been through
Have left her feeling worthless, Lord... but

chorus//
You change worthless into precious
Guilty to forgiven
Hungry into satisfied
Empty into full
All the lies are shattered
And we believe we matter
When You change broken into beautiful

We live with accusations
Sometimes heavy expectations
That tell us we can never measure up
And yet You repeat with mercy
That in your eyes we are worthy
At last we see how much we're loved cause

Chorus

Though we can't see how we can stand before you Lord
And feel valued, priceless and adored


delicated to anyone who's feeling totally like what's in the song (i linked the youtube video some time back)... to feel totally broken and weary by the things in life.

a beutiful song that vicky sent me some time back (plus the lyrics too) and yup... it's a song that i would not fail to put it in my playlist not because she sent it to me.. but cos i really loved the lyrics.


Dear God,

thank You for the things that You have done in my life. =) really, i could nv understand all the things that u want me to do.

and of course for dear vicky, jocelyn, fang and mabel. the bffs =) without them, my life would nv be the same. and not forgetting jasmine, sandra and serene lim too during my sec sch/ 1st yr of poly.

felt that i should never forget the ppl that You have placed in my life to impact me. =) thank You God.

add onns//
yup. thought i wanted to appreciate each and every one of the ppl above mentioned.. but im too tired now. blearghx.


alright... *dusts off the dust accumulated in here* back...

haha. been a bz week... like attachment and meeting friends...

stayover at vicky's on sun was great... helped her with propagation of her cacti and repotting... that we already spent 2 hrs alone.. then she was trying to squeeze meeting with all her friends during her STUDY BREAK (like really very pei fu her cos she still can meet ppl when she's struggling to understand her lectures and no one can help her to understand them also) and she still didn't manage to meet all the ppl she wanted to meet.. (she's really a bz gal man) and then telling me how i should be focused on God esp during devotions (haha. i admit that im quite distracted) and also her design for her toilet in her new house (cool la... but too contemporary for me le) and also a webbie with alot of CHEAP christian books (but by then i was already zonking off already) man. (rights. i should start to read my own collection first before buying any more.)

ya, and i suppose ash (her fave cat) didn't like me. haha. but her dog (the one everyone hates apparently) was abit better with me. haha.

ok. i noe what everyone has been popping in to check was about attachment and not my stayover. haha. lol. am i keeping you in suspense? like... 'why is gillian still not blogging about attachment but now talking crap? and still got the time to type all these things?!'

haha. im abit kiam pa already.... lol.

ok... attachment was really fun.. and the company's really small... ok.. we have about 14 staff altogether... 3 gardeners (2 in- house)... 1 landscape supervisor (brandon), 1 idk his position (hiang teck), 1 landscape architect (tuson), 1 PR/ advert? (more or less) (ML), 1 manager (derrick), secretay (lay hun), boss (mr tan), 2 attachment students (henry and me) and 2 tem- full timers (gabriel and xu men)

so ya. and out of the 14, 78.6% are christians! not by coincidence, i believe... but then again... i dunno how dr koh choose also.... haha...

yup... and mr tan loves to teach us (at least me la) from the bible how to be good ppl in society and how we should be useful when we go to him to ask him questions about our work that takes 1-2 mins (so like everyday have a short sermon from him). =) well... he's a really nice boss... and then again... he's 73! and he really has the love and passion to want to see the ppl around him being impacted by him. haha. he's a grandfather to me.

some background knowledge: mr tan's the FIRST ASIAN and SINGAPOREAN to become IFLA's (international federation of landscape architects) PRESIDENT. and he was also the FIRST landscape architect in singapore 30/40 yrs ago. cool right?!

yeah, and he's one passionate guy in bringing about the best education he can give to whoever comes to him to learn more about landscaping and also about the climatic changes.

yeap. and im glad that fang's coming round on mon to chat with mr tan to see if she could pt time there during her hols. =)

and yup. i also realised that tuson's the cousin of peter wang! whoot! like i heard that his family quite passionate about plants one... but i never expected to be working with his cousin la... talalalala...

and the best part is also that travelling time is SO MUCH faster than going to NGEE ANN!!! like i take about 30 mins bus ride to petir via 966 which goes on the highway then i take another like 10 min stroll cum worship session to walk to office and i still have time to make myself breakfast (a cuppa of milo) and then have a short devotion session there if i take the 7:30 bus.

ya man. i love work!!! (tho i dunno how to use the com there cos im really retarded without my laptop so i bring my lappie to work even tho they have turbo CAD, CAD 2009 and photoshop CS 4 (!!) but MS word 97 and i dun do design cos henry's doing all the design and im doing all the research work)

and boy! henry could really do design la... sigh.. i see his work then i actually feel quite bad about my work. ='( and his handwriting's really whoot! perfect architect's handwriting also. sigh... like none of us in HLM, as far as i saw, has that perfect architect's handwriting. ya... as u can guess by now, im in love with his handwriting (not him cos he's already taken. haha.)

and i only have another 6 weeks to enjoy his handwriting and his work cos he only has 7 weeks of attachment.

yup yup... anyway... more stories if u see me la... =)