*cough cough*

overslept for sch and not feeling too well (like i nearly fainted when i got out of bed to wash up just now) so yup, resting at home.

and no, it's not the meal replacement thingy that got me into this "mess". i seriously suspect that it's the pollen from the lily that got me into this mess cos im feeling exactly the same when i handled the stoooppid fungi in biochem/ pathology class (i can't rmb which one).

darn. means i need to request dr koh to let me drop out of tissue culture class and do fyp for next sem.... cos i can't do tissue culture if im allergic to pollen and fungi right? yuck.

sigh. i need to go confirm my suspisions soon, get my MC too. and let my doctor nag at me that im in the wrong course again. rawr.

and then get some sleep. not sure if im able to go for prayer meeting later. sigh.


everyday without talking to you is odd, but somehow, that oddness is settling in, and that didn't seemed odd anymore.

and i really don't know how to carry on typing this post seriously. like im at a loss for words why all this are happening.

like maybe u are afraid of me blowing my top, and i of you.

but yeah, i really dunno wad to say.


anyway. enough of that issue. cos it's really complicated.

yup. yest (thurs) LM was really good, like the sharing was about who we are in Christ - I am complete in God. yup, and it was about the lies that we have been living in so long and learn to stand up to claim back our rightful status and inheritance.

and there was a call to response- to step forward and ask the leaders to pray for you. and so i did.

and there and then, i felt that God has enveloped me and i could feel His powerful hands were on me- i took a small peek and there no other person was in touch with me.

i dunno how my life's gona change, but ya,, it's gonna be exciting!


Dear God,

Thank you for showing me the things that You have wanted me to know about You. It is indeed the glory of God to conceal a thing: but the honour of kings is to search out a matter. (Proverbs 25:2)

Jesus told the parable of the talents recorded in Matthew 25 as a warning that it is possible to misjudge our capacity. This parable has not to do with natural gifts, but with the Pentecostal gift of the Holy Ghost. We must not measure our spiritual capacity by education or intellect; our capacity in spiritual things is measured by the promises of God. If we get less than God want us to have, before long we will slander Him as the servant slandered his master: “ You expect more than You give me power to do; You demand too much of me, I cannot stand true too You where I’m placed.” When it is a question of God’s Almighty Spirit, never say “I can’t.” Never let the limitation of natural ability come in. If we have received the Holy Spirit, God expects the work of the Holy Spirit to be manifested in us.

The servant justified himself in everything he did and condemned his lord on every point- “Your demand is all out of proportion to what you give.” Have we been slandering God by daring to worry when He has said:”Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you”? Worrying means exactly what this servant implied- “I haven’t had a decent chance,” and the one who is lazy spiritually is captious with God. Lazy people always strike out on an independent line.

Never forget that our capacity in spiritual matters is measured by the promises of God. Is God able to fulfil His promises? Our answer depends on whether we have received the Holy Spirit.


pretty feeling mixed recently.

yup. with all the projects/ homework edging nearer to the deadline and also with God asking me to rise up to the challenge, i feel drained and worn out.

maybe im moving without waiting God. maybe i've been too reliant on myself and refusing to let God work in my life after the'adventurous' weekend.

For unless the Lord builds the house, the workers will labour in vain.

yup.

gillian must learn how to be consistant with God. and also not let feelings and her carnal self get the better of her.

some things that im struggling with other than school work: learning to die to self and also pride and also... relationships with ppl.

not that the relationship has soured, but it's just the thought of feeling out of sync with ppl and it kinds of throws me off too.

or maybe God's trying to consecrate me to be a nazrite. blah blah, im not thinking much.

add onns//

teach me to love You more each day. teach me to seek Your face daily. teach me to be more like You in my life.

God, teach me to learn how to let You be the Lord of my life and to let You take control of my whole being.


really, there's simply too many things to blog about.

it's really a stressful time, like realised that i have 10 modules this semester (and it's mostly LD based!!! argh. i REALLY HATE LD. God, i'd rather do bio or anything more theory anytime (NO MATH either).), plus all the homework from most of the 10 modules, plus my commitments in crusade, plus kickstarting prayer group in HLM, plus cell group, plus I&E coming up (we are doing a concert! yay!), plus im also the oikos ic cum unofficial secretary in NP campus group and also not forgetting my basic calling as a christian.

yeah. and i think other than lunch time, sleep is also a luxuary for me. =p

yup. i need to learn to seek first the kingdom of God,and all His righteousness and all things shall be added unto me. (but of course i also need to learn how to manage my time well too).

and also i need to commit to spend time with my friends and my dg girls, like fang, mabel, sofia, cass, ruth and abi, cos i feel that i've neglected them for the last few months, and also to find time to thrash things out with edward (but he dun wanna talk to me and im not sure if ppl got bs me during this time too.)

think i shall not type what God has been speaking to me now in this season of my life. cos it's simply too long... and yeah, some stuff are very personal and im still considering if i should type it out here. so give me time to sort out my thoughts before i post anything.


the video that was played in abori. lecture. yeah, i was crying (again) in class cos i felt that God was speaking to me thru that video, like how He was the tree and i was the boy and how He gave up EVERYTHING so that i could be happy. enjoy (and just let the tears flow down as u consider the extent of God's love for you)!



**The first song sung is 'Fin' by Anberlin, and the second song sung is called 'Cat and Mouse' by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus**


didn't feel like talking much for the last few days. yup. like yes, i noe i've been pretty withdrawn this week, and all i can say is that i am enjoying my solitude right now and it's not because of him that i dun feel like talking; it's jsut that i want to learn how to enjoy the modules im taking this semester.

emceed for LM just now, thanks to all who enjoyed the game, yup, i really hope u guys enjoyed it. =)

anyway, the sharings were good and yes, i broke down in LM as we were just reflecting upon the video clip and onwards, cos i believe that God is really preparing me to go a longer way. i can't say how and what God touched me cos 1) it's very long and i want to zzz soon and 2) it's something pretty personal. i mean, i dun mind sharing with u all (that is if anyone is actually reading this), but i dun feel like typing a whopper long post here right now.

if u are wondering why i haven't been posting frequently, it's because 1) i dun have time, 2) i dun feel like blogging, 3) i believe that this period of time is for me to rest and to be restored. yup.


okay, hmmm... wanted to blog yesterday, but then i was too tired.

missed evening service cos i had project meeting to rush.. but then morning service was good even tho i missed worship cos i overslept and i can't rmb the message off hand...but i felt that thru altar call, God wants me to have faith that my visions that i've seen over the the last 2 months will come to pass and He wants to give it to me so i must learnt to claim it back because i've really been doubting some stuff about the things that He has shown me.

also learnt how pray and intercede for ppl at the altar call in a more intimate way, yup. and im gonna believe that zhihui (zhili's sis) is gonna see a miracle this time round.

ya, anyway, (finally) got my card/ present from the cell!! it's like whoosh! like wad liangyi said, im really really touched (tho i haven't cry yet). like it was a notebook filled with blessings from like literally everyone from church and crusade la!!! like oh man..it's really "exhilarating" to be suprised/ shocked by the MOST unexected ppl to write in there...like the WHOLE pastoral board + ppl i have hardly or never talked to + ppl who i haven't figured out who's that + ppl i've really never expected to write in there too + a "future" classmate who i nv even met yet.

ya. im still getting used to the present.. so u can imagine how suprised/ shocked i was even tho my sis spilled some beans (just the part about Ps Nonito) before i got it.

add onns//

anyway, IS was good today, like got to play more games and also my groupmates. yup.

okay, im starting to see how my vision's forming shape, but im also seeing alot of obstacles that are in my way too, and are really out to deter me from fulfiling that vision.

but anyway, thank God that i have some willing groupmates who dun mind what i suggested but of course, i have some persuading to do and also i just really need to start praying that God will open the hearts of my groupmates so that they may receive this gift of love and also to see why we are doing outreaches.

yeah, i need to do my QT and my homework. yep.


Dear God,
teach me to love You more, to trust in You more, to have faith in You more, to stand in You more.

God, let me not walk this road in mine own understanding, and all the way, let me not direct mine own path, but instead, let me trust in the LORD with all mine heart; and lean not unto my own understanding, and in all my ways let me acknowledge You, and You shall direct my paths. I shall not wise in my own eyes, for You said that for as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts and so I shall fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

Signed with Your love,
Gillian


yup, felt that i need to redelicate myself to God. like been straying away and carrying alot of unecessary burdens and alot of unconfessions in my heart.

yeah, i feel that yuenmun wants me to be core member for np campus group, but then, i also dunno lei... like okay, i dunno exactly what im feeling also, but yeah.

and yeah, like okay, the whole world's telling me that i need to score like at least 3.2 for GPA. grrrr... yeah, y not i try to shoot for the moon and even if i fail, i will land somewhere amongst the stars..? haha. i remembered that was like on CE 4's banner at the top of the chalkboard. (CE is my pri 4's chinese class.. and that stands for ceris..our classes are named by colours, and are abb. by the first 2 letters of the colour)

yup. im tired. we'll just see how abt the GPA 3.2 later... haha.


hur hur. 3rd day of school and i can't believe that im pretty worn out by school. rawr.

well, it seems odd that both of us were avoiding each other, but i feel that im getting used to it already. like he seems happy about it and yeah, i feel that we both think that we're right and it feels real hard to talk cos i feel like im hitting a wall when i try to convey messages. blah blah blah.

anyway, enough of him.

i dun believe i can't survive without him. hmmmmph.

ya. school has been in full swing, unlike the BA and engine ppl (if im not wrong)... who don't have tutorials... ya, and all i can say that the only blessing right now was that i had lunch!! haha. can't believe that eating lunch now is a luxuary..

and thank God for Nisa and Hongyi man... like without them, i would have nv survived class now. like thank God we are in the same project group for stuff and really la, it's a blessing.

but on the other hand, i feel that im losing the friends in G01... sighs. like somehow things are flowing into a bottleneck situation...and i really cannot understand it.

God, what am i to do? okays, it was my recklessness that caused me to be in this situation that im in right now... and God, im just trying to rebuild my life back again.. and yeah, i recognise ur sovereignty over my life and yeah, You know that i really dunno what to say cos the words in my heart are not exactly what i really mean, but im gonna trust in You that one day im able to really obey You with all my heart soul mind strength.


argh. second day of school already. think i shall not update on camp and brithday anymore, since it's just so outdated anyway.

IS was kinda fun, played many ice breaker games in class and there were quite alot of ppl that im accquainted with were in class too! like rui xin (swee sin, but we are used to call him rui xin, cos i think he called himself that the last time round..) and some other i-forgot-their-names ppl from S&W, some from exploring art and design and my global cities class. yups.

really pray that i'll get cool groupmates so that we can do cool stuff for I&E!!! haha. =)

and ya, if u are wondering yyy im blogging now, it's just because im having cad lesson again, and it's kinda boring... =p and i can't face book! irritating!!


well. im back from Restored'08 for like 2 days already, and my birthday passed by too. and i've yet to blog. haha.

well. everything's alright, but not in a mood to blog right now cos i dun feel too well to blog.


somehow, i feel that i've lost the passion in going RESTORED' 08.

like i felt that God's leadng me somewhere else... like away from crusade...

i feel kinda lost. but im pretty sure that it's His voice.


okays. back after so so long.

anyway, pretty much uneventful until today!!! haha. cos it's NGEE ANN campus group 1st outing!

okays, so there were (other than me,) nigel, liangyi, teegan, yaojie, yuenman (there for a short while) and HONGYI!! yay! and eddison popped by too... haha

yeah lors. im the only girl there cos fang and mabel didn't wanna come and roselyn's in malaysia. yada yada yada.

but then it didn't deter me from having a great time at SMU's settlers.. like we played sabotuers, ticket to XYZ, and blockus. haha. pretty fun and all brand new to me.

yup. and after that, we all headed to vivo for dinner (nigel headed off somnewhere to meet somebody) and also to just chill out lors. ta-bao-ed dinner and just chill out at lvl 3's open area. yup. and liangyi and i were just sharing about our secondary school days experiences as we were at coffee bean to grab my dinner (vanilla ice blended coffee and a salmon and egg muffin). haha.

and then we headed to arcade to play the bball game...think becos i drank coffee, i was like super tired and played less than average lors. haha. but then really had lots of fun.

then we headed down to get ice cream and dinner for liangyi at harbourfront mac's and then argh...it was another round of madness again. haha. ya. like liangyi wanted to change cell group over some fries that yaojie took and some other crappy stuff. lol.

haha. yar lors. should have joined us la, fang and mabel... haha. never mind, think got other chances too.

add onns//

and i can't believe that i forgot to ask jaime out too. sigh. im getting old. that's what u get when ur birthday's getting closer. and you forget stuff all over again.