yup, it has been a one of a kind day yesterday. =)

cos it was BAPTISM! haha. yup. really like to thank (in no accordance) lincoln, priscilla, ellen, kelly, michele, jasmine, and serene for coming and for those who wished they can come. =)

and for all those who wrote a card and gave gifts (and planning to, can shun bian give me birthday pressie too. [which i dun mind] ) and also all that hand shakes too, are all appreciated by me! haha. =)

really thank God for taking away my nervousness (i think i've been scaring myself all this while), and i didn't like do sth silly like bursting into laughter or falling off stage or sth else. which i envisioned that i would, cos im a klutz. =p

yup.

and im waiting for all those picts taken yest!!!


anyway, if u all are wondering what are my thoughts after baptism, well, i guess it just makes me wanna please God better, like cos this period of time, i feel that i cannot link to God. it's like a fuzzy wuzzy telephone line, like i hear Him, then i don't; partly i got distracted myself too and i just can't seem to fix this broken line myself.

like i felt that evening service yesterday has been speaking alot to me; like how secret sins would cause rifts between God and me, and it's worse cos ppl can't help you cos it's in secret and unless u u come clean about it, it's will always be there and you feel dry.


Mic 7:19 He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.

yup. that's my verse for baptism. haha. at least for the email that i sent out.

yeah. i can't imagine that it's already WEDNESDAY! and i haven't even prepare myself for baptism. sigh... like esther and shuhui are bz preparing their cell girls for baptism, like rehearsing and telling them to do this and that... and im just so slack la.... haha.

but then again, they are just sec ones and when they get excited, everything just goes hysterical at times, so, there is a need for rehearsal...

ya. but it seems so silly to prepare for baptism lei... like back then, no one does! haha. okays, for the sake of not embaressing myself, i should definitely prepare...

yup. and lincoln surprised me today with his message!! like surprise! haha. cos i dun have his no. stored in my phone and then he messaged me like "hey! heard that u are getting baptised. congratulations. haa am i invited."

then i was like huh? who's that?! and i was like frantically searching thru my brain and then esther was eh? the last v few nos. v the familiar lei...

haha...and after asking, and to my relief, it was lincoln. (relief because i dun have his no. stored in my phone, if not v malu to ask someone who's that person when im supposed to have their no. stored in my phone) ya, im still surprised that he's still in sg. cos the last i heard was that he was seriously considering/ has been accepted into oxford to study medicine. (yeah, can pull the 'doctor joke' on him also. haha. okay, it's not exactly a joke.)

yup. and i tot today's thursday and i just so can't believe that i've actually turned down jo's offer of baking cookies at her place this afternoon can, just because i thot i have to go down to help with the campus group can... but the good thing was that today was a crazy day trying to get the amount of tables to rent for study oikos right and getting the cheapest table rental service lors.

and tomorrow we'll be buying snacks and all the cutlery!!! haha. feel like we're throwing a huge party right?! but no...it's only study oikos (fellowship) so it will just be a huge bunch of nerd wannabees trudging towards geek excellence! (sounds familiar? that's from the badge on my krumps [crumpler]!) haha. no la. kidding.. it will just be a time of self study or tuituion if you need help and food will be sold to the ppl who are hungry out there after hours of mugging lors. =)


add onns//

gotten this from ElRah's blog where i felt that God is speaking to me thru sarah's post:

Rowie shared from our devotional book titled "Love" by Calvin Miller that "To be saved is to be released from our commitment to things that don't matter, and to be given a larger commitment to things that do".

I want to be free from those chains that weigh me down. It is the perception of my image, my identity and my relationships that the evil one uses to attack. In Jesus, my chains will be gone and I will be set free and then have the ability to pursue kingdom purposes. :)

"Testing allows one to discover how well a product is made when placed under extreme stress."

Recent testings that I've been undergoing has revealed that in many ways I'm still faithless. But I thank God that the the testing of my faith produces steadfastness (James 1:2-4) and I thank God that he doesn't give up on me - "How can I give you up, Ephraim?" (Hosea 11:8) :)

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.


yeah. 2nd last week of ptft!! means that i only have 20 days before school starts!!! oh no!!!

yar lors. i haven't went out much this hols with friends, i haven't cleared my things, i haven't went on a solitude retreat with myself, i haven't rested mentally, i havent organised my photos, i haven't.....

ARRRRHHHHHHH!!!!! i haven't done like so much things that i wanna do this hols...

why does time catches up when u could just wish this kind of lifestyle would go on forever?

anyway, i chilled out with varrnakumss (jo-ann and gareth), boon siong and zhen yuan yesterday. haha. kinda weird cos im not v close to zhen yuan and boon siong...but anyway, we went over to jo-ann's place and we recorded our very first sound track!!

haha. that was quite random, but we're gg to re- record cos jo's sis wanted to join us, but she was playing that song for the first time so yup.

yeah. lalalalala. =)

it's been a busy week. yeah.

but God has been really good and patient with me. yeah.

God has been showing me alot of things and really, even in my times of doubt, He has been good and assured me with a SHOOTING STAR (in a pretty impossible place) that He will bring all that He said to pass.

yup.

okay. lemme calm down first. im really too excited about all these things now, cos i was just talking to michele about my week and yeah, got really really excited even before i can think what i want to blog. *takes in a deep breath*

okay. it has been a real adventure for me for the last few days. it all started on thurs, when i was travelling to ang mo kio via mrt..

like i was as usual, playing my bubble breaker game (the cheap thrill game that somehow just grew on me recently..) on my dopod, then i just noticed a lady sitting beside me looked really restless and then, suddenly a voice within me said,"go and talk to her".

then as usual, i was in doubt. huh? wad? like "are you kidding me, God?" instantly came to retort that voice. but as i saw how restless she was, my heart was moved.

but i wasn't really interested in stopping the game, and she looked like she needed some rest, so i told God ok, if only she would open her eyes and my current game i scored 200+, then will i talk to her.

and true enough, i got those, so i plucked up all my courage and making sure no one's really looking at me, then i attempted to start a conversation with her.

surprisingly, she opened up to me. like she was a china chinese who worked as an ironing lady to earn some supplement to help cover expenses for her daughter's education in singapore. she has been in singapore for 6 years and had attended church during her first yr here but due to work commitments and the high renta costs in aljunied, she had to move to yio chu kang and so she wasn't able to attend church.

and she was really glad to hear of the programmes that HCC has for school children (her kid's 10) and she was really interested in knowing more and so we exchanged numbers so that i could contact her about the programmes.

and getting off at AMK, i really felt God's peace within me, like God was saying, well done! you took that step of faith to talk to My tired and straying child. yep.

and yesterday (friday) sth happened...like i kinda lost my cool during campus group meeting, but it's more or less settled i hope, like use this time round as a learning point like how we could better structure our meetings and stuff. yeah.

and yes, and in prayer meeting i felt God was speaking to me as we were praying for the christians to be strong in the foundation of God during these end times and i felt God was speaking to me. like in Isaiah 6:8,

Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send and who will go for us?

and like what the prophet Isaiah replied to God, there and then i replied,

Then said I, Here am I; send me.

yes, i broke down and cried there and then. im crying for the people who have not come to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ; for those who have not realised that we are indeed living in the end times. there are just so many signs pointing to which that we are living in end times.

like more occurances of natural disasters, and just this year alone there's the Sichuan quake, Myanmmar's floods, Hurricane Ike, Japan quake, tropical storm Nina in the Philippines and a few more i can't remember off hand.

like the financial crisis, aren't all the most reliable firms crumbling into nothing overnight?

like unrests, for fear of terrorism, war in the Middle East?

so many more evidences that linked perfectly with what the Bible predicted so many years ago.

sigh. and so as i was walking back with my sis and gareth (this person has alot of lame stuff...tell you more if u want me to say. hahaha.) from the geylang serai parsar malaam, and cos my knees were hurting again, and so i was walking much slower than them, my mind just came about this idea of being a full time ministry staff or becoming a missionary or some sorts. haha. yeah.

then like i dunno why, like after like being called to that, then i suddenly like asked God in my head, "God, what happens if i can't get married because im too busy doing Your work? like that how??!!! and the person whom You showed me to be my Mr Right- will he be as enthu in this area of ministry as me?" (yes, it was like super random lahs..)

i guess i need concrete evidences that yes, this is the path that i should take. yeah, and just as i was asking God for a sign, He gave me one- a shooting star that i felt was simply impossible to come from.

like at first, i thought it some one who threw a sparkler across the sky (cos there was the hdb blocks nearby), but it dawned upon me that it could not be because a sparker could not be in the air for so long and gareth confirmed my sister's thoughts of it being a shooting star.

yeah. i need to walk by faith and not by sight in my spiritual walk with God.


anyway, i added more picts and changed caption for my picts. haha. now it looks pretty crowded. with picts.

yesterday was quite all right, with cell and all. and i finished my second book of the hols! yay! haha. not too bad for starters. so today i will start on my third book. yep.

so far i've finished: What's so amazing about Grace? and Becoming a Contagious Christian and i will start on Outrageous Mercy later when im free or when im meeting vicky later.

yeah. and i found that im not too bad, like i managed to carry 2 cartons of coke and the cool sports drink from lvl 5 store to office store all by myself yesterday. haha. and im not aching. then again, i didn't have to climb stairs and yeah lors, it was just a short distance.

yeap.

add onns//

i really feel crappy right now, like after evaluating the past sem now.

like 'what on earth have i been doing throughout this whole sem?' has been floating in my head.

i so dun believe that i have actually let my emotions ruined me.

sigh.

tada!!! this is similar to wad yuen mun wanted me to do with photoshop, but this is my desktop using downloaded gadgets using VISTA!! now hu says vista is all that bad?! im proud to be a fan of vista!! haha

ladidadum. =) ya. anyway, im gg off to meet them for dinner soon, so yay! haha.


meeting with ben was okay i guess. like we just walked around and chilled at this jap pasta and burger place in cine. and surprisingly, char siew burger's really great! haha.

we mainly talked about the differences in zion and harverster, plants, his life in ns and plans for the future. yeah.

and hur hur. someone from his YD actually lugged a pack of rice when he went overseas to study. so much for bringing a part of singapore over. i doubt i will do that if i ever make it to uni, but only time will tell if i can make it to uni or bring a pack of rice over.

yeah. and went out with joan, joanne and joycelyn (i just realised im the only 'G' again!) and a contact for dinner plus a bit of shopping. and then dou jiang you tiao for supper with joycelyn and vicky.

*PS for joycelyn: i found that yeah, you 2 are super different when placed together, but then the impression in my mind just somehow seem so alike. haha. =)
yeap. that's about it, i guess.


thank God for the work that He has been working in and through my life for the last few days.

thank God for the past altar calls that really helped me to clear the rubble that has been lingering in my life and also really to understand the devotion that i have always flipped to, but never really grasped the meaning of it.

like the meaning of how to truly just lean on my Lover and trust Him that He will bring me out of the spiritual arid places and into seasons of spring. and surprisingly, God was speaking to me today about leaning on Him during LTS class!

yeah. and also for the readiness of the girls whom i've been tutoring to, to come for WET GAMES oikos! yay. im really really happy.

yeah. i can really see God's hand at preparing me for baptism through all these things.

man. im starting to get gitters. again. haha.


PTFT was good today, considering that i went to NTU with Ps Lovleen to attend campus group. like it was kind of okay, but cos the girls (saw them today for the first time) are so quiet, then like abit akward to 'high' myself.



yeah, and i felt like in a moment, it's just so good to have a slower pace of life and really help to impact lives around you, like helping them find the meaning in life and stuff. like that peace within you when you know that you are doing God's plan really supercedes ANYTHING in the world. like there's no emptiness within you, no guilt; like you feel that you are not wasting ur life cos u noe u have that value and that purpose and u are fulfilling it. it's like im not running around in circles, nor am i storing treasures in this world whereby moths and rusts will get to them.



cos Jesus says, store ur treasures in heaven, whereby they would not decay nor be affected by inflation. =p



yeah. and i felt that God's slowly transforming me thru prayer meetings, like all the altar calls i felt were really for me, and you know, week by week, he's taking out the trash accumulated over all these years and adding more of his love into my heart. yeah.

and yeah, regarding mr right, hehe, hmm... i dunno, but i believe God's working in our lives differently so that we'll be ready for each other soon. well, i dunno how soon we'll be ready for each other, but based on my caculations, i'll never get married at my ideal age..which is abt 24? so, well, it doesn't matter, cos God has a better plan for me and i dun believe i will have to 'marry' my dou dou xian sheng cos he disappeared already (dunno where i left him; and for those hu dunno, dou dou xian sheng is my mr bean plushie)


i can't believe that im like so excited about baptism that i actually can't slp yest and was happily dreaming about it and i overslept for PTFT. argh.

yeah, and so i just met cassandra (which was really great, but i always wished that i had sth for her) and then went straight to meet mingzhu to help out with the XYZ sch people in revising for their exams.

and in between, i had too much time to spare and i bought BOOKS AGAIN!!! gosh. but i bought 2 note books that i can write down some reflections and the study that hongling wants us to do...

yup. and i bought plastic sheets so that i could jacket them up. cos i noticed books i bought a few yrs back are all in a horrid condition, so yeah. need to slow down the process of degration.


yeah. yest was quite a fruitful day, considering that i did ppt slides for study oikos and i finished my book 'What's so amazing about grace?' like i got bored of the book cos i dragged it for weeks so yeah.

and now wad's left for PTFT is to do street e later with ester and also meet up with students from XYZ (im not too sure if i can divluge the school name so it shall be XYZ) school and also on fri to go down to ntu with ps lovleen to help out with their stuff.

and not forgetting that im meeting my disciples later and fri. ! =)

yeah, im still in wednesday mood.

okays. anyway, i got myself books to read at the expense of burning a HUGE hole in my pocket (yeah, that's esp so when im not having any income) at mass media (becos as a crusader, i enjoy 12% disc for all items there) because i needed to get a book from there (in the end i got that book from tecman cos i tot the book they had wasn't the book that i needed to buy, but realised that it was after checking with yuen mun, but then i was already on my way back home so i had to drop by the nearest christian bookstall that is on my way home which was tecman (so dumb), but thank God i still have tecman membership so i still had 15% disc for that book) like yeah, i like buying books cos i then can have the luxuary of reading them over and over again and underlining words.

yup. i kind of like added 1/3 the amt of christian literature on my shelf in a DAY!! goodness.

yeah, and not knowing if i will have the stamina and luxuary of time to read them.


yeah, feeling very whoosh!

like i know that the road ahead of me's gonna be REAL EXCITING and really it takes ALOT of faith to see it coming to pass. and not forgetting spiritual WARFARE.

yeah. and God reminded me of His faithfulness of protecting Israel, and even the Gibeonites who cheated Israel and how He stopped the sun and the moon in their tracks so that israel could defeat the amorites even tho God told the israelites to destroy them at first but later protected them because they had a treaty with the israelites.

yeah. with that im like even more excited! like if God is for me, who then can stand?

haha. yeah. i miss laiying man. cos my heart yearns for her as a sister in Christ. like whoosh.

new word of the day: "whoosh!"


i guess, mentoring ppl is not as bad as i tot, even tho i still really cannot teach. haha. (oh ya, im NOT in mentoring club [and will never be], if u are wondering. haha.)

took a group of sec 4 students today and boy, they were really boisterious. lol. yeah, tried to teach them combined geog, and really, i was struggling to teach cos i never really studied human geog, but thank God im in HLM, cos i can teach about the GM food (okay la, this chapter also got learn) and i also taught them climate. yay.

yeah. i never thought i can teach/ mentor. well, i guess i need to have faith in myself and the things that i remembered from sch days and God will see me through.

yeah lors. gillian needs to learn COMMITMENT this hols. like commitment to my work and promises and others la. like yes, i can fulfil to do my work and promises, but am i committed to do them well?

and i thank God that He asked me a question: Have i lost Him?

it's timely, cos like this period, i felt that my focus didn't change, but yet, i seemed to be moving off track.

Joseph and Mary lost Jesus after the Passover because they took it for granted that Jesus, being very guai, would follow them back and hence they did not check if he was with the relatives as they headed back home.

alas! he was nowhere to be found...and 2 days later he was found in the temples.

are we taking for granted the things that He has been doing in our lives? are we taking the blessings that He blessed us with for granted too?

blessings are not meant to be kept for self; rather they are more fragrant when blessings are shared and poured into other people's lives too.


add onns//

im really really thankful for laiying, yeah, just had a long chat with her on the phone like a few mins ago cos i wanted to tell her to be aware of the spiritual warfare in chiangmai (yeah, i COULD have gone, if i had known earlier that i dun need to go cambodia this hols.) and not take things for granted.

and i really thank God for her, for her eagerness to grow in the Lord and yeah, really want to see God using us to do sth great in our class. like i want to see her grow closer to God and i believe that next sem it's gonna be a real exciting one cos something great is going to happen!

yup. and i think im really excited now, cos i want to see a revival in my course! =)


haiya. i lost my train of thoughts over the last few days.

like poly summit was REALLY GOOD, like glad to see freshies there and to catch the vision. =) and of course the topics that was covered was really good, like applicable and really helps to center our focus on Him and also on ministry stuff too.

and service was great too. like God was probing me in some of my attitudes and maybe im still like in 'denial' or maybe im too blinded by my faults that i can't seem to find the faults that God seemed to show me.

yes, i need sensitivity.

and yeah, a bz week ahead.


well, PTFT was kinda fun, like learning how things function in church during the week, like seeing the structures that was done during week that hold up during weekends.

yeah, jonathan showed me how the accounts for the drinks and when to top up drinks and stuff, which was so super gymwerks, like the towel sales, except that i hardly had to move the towels cos the guys would do it and considering i only work on mondays too.

and also did some design stuff for church notice board, which im quite happy with, considering that i think i took less than 1/2 hr to complete it. so yeah. i think it's printed already, so yeah, u'll see it on the noticeboard when u come.

yeah, tml and fri will be away for poly summit. so this week like so nothing la. sians.


i feel that monday's events just seemed so...unreal. seriously, im in doubt.

like wad happens if that voice does not belongs to God? what happens if he have a gf? what happens if all this are just a part of my wishful thinking?

yeah. it's crazy. the emotions are driving me nuts.

anyway, i'll leave it to the future to worry. cos God says who can, by worrying, add one more hour to his life? so yeah, the future can worry about itself. haha.

yeah. didn't go for ptft cos i overslept. dang. cos i was happily chatting to ly unti i forgot to think for my objectives and goals and yeah lors. i slept at 3.

rawr.

i need to be off to rest.


when God works in lives.

i remember a part when nicky was asking Jesus in the movie The perfect stranger why did he want to have dinner with her, he simply replied that because she prayed to God why did her dad die.

i kind of forgot that i wrote to God last week asking Him to restore in me the love and passion that i lost during the semester and yeah, He saw my letter and he really restored them back to me.

yeah. im still kind of dreading hols, but now, im holding on to that faith that God must have an element of surprise in store for me during hols.

and jennifer reminded me that women are always sensitive to God, but just that when we hear, we also hear our feelings too. so yeah. lesson learnt: gillian shall only ask God once, if not she will get very swayed in her decision due to all the emotional strings attached.

and so she must believe that she has found mr right but it's just not the right time.