haha. gillian's an overall happy girl today. =)

did lcpn project today and went for camp briefing.

not exactly looking forward for camp tho. hmmm. i dunno la.

anyway did i tell you why i fell in love with him? heehee. but i shall be good (i.e. shall not kei kiang and be rash) and wait upon the Lord for His perfect timing.

yes, it's true that i love him and i believe that it is meant to be so.

okays. i shall not be crazy anymore. yeah. sigh. sometimes i wonder what gets into me till the point that sometimes im astonished by my own actions too.

haha. okayys. time to revise plnt biochem and physiology, and plant pathology and entomology and do my lcpn conceptual plan.

*gillian puts aside her love for him for the time being and gets down to work.*

add onns//

sigh sigh.

i think my colouring looks like crap. yikes. like suddenly wadever i do is always not right. hmmm. which is very strange.

argh. im trying hard not to be stressed here. sheesh. but then again, i dun wanna be his stumbling block and therefore im stressed up again.

anyway, im glad that u shared more about urself today. at least it makes me feel that u're making that effort to maintain our friendship and grow closer as friends, cos i want to know you for who u are and not what you do.

yeah.

even if the world turns and forsakes you, I will never leave nor forsake you. -Jesus.

yeah, and that's something i strive to be- to be a friend who's always there when ppl need me.

add onns 2//

i really forgot to add that i really really thank God for ed. yeah. for looking at details that ppl would normally fail to see and for being a good friend of mine whom i know that i cannot live without because he really points out all my weaknesses and my blind spots towards certain issues.

yeah. it's really something that it's hard to find in friends now.


oh wells.

finally got over extreme mood swings. sorry to those whom i flared at for the past week (erm, that's like ed only. oops) and thanks for tolerating me and my confused emotions.

okays. yeah, projects down (with the exception of lcpn) and 2 more papers! yay. it will be over by tues.

was feeling really happy just now. but im really afraid that i may be just overreacting.


just me, myself and i.

i so wished that wadever that i typed all these while was just part of a huge nightmare. but i guess, it's time to wake up from delusion.

yeah. im drowning in my projects and common tests. sometimes i really wished that i died when i was at my happiest moments so that the impression of life would be a pretty one when im still concious of this world.

alas! this world was not perfect, and will never be.

sigh. i dunno. i really want to just drop everything down and leave. but it's so irresponsible of me to do that.

yeah. im feeling super duper emo now.


stressed, stressed and more stressed.

please do not step on my 'tail' for the next 2 weeks or so, cos i will really flare up. trust me. cos edward's had a taste of it for the last few days.

okays.

tired, stressed and still in school at this hour. and edward's camping overnight to finish up his work.

goodness. like whoa. anyway, he's one super delicated guy to his work. that's something that i respect him for, cos im so not delicated to my work.

forgot wad i wanted to blog le. see. that's the power of stress. yikes.

makes u jumpy, irriatble, forgetful, weird and all the i dunno wad also. argh.

anyway, thank God PM presentation's over!!! yippie!! i dun want to hear about it (refers only to the proposal and the presentation) anymore. nope. thank you.

okies. i need to start doing work if not i will be in deep trouble on fri. softscape and LCPN project to be sumitted and also PM common test. and mon's PBPN's common test. and the thing abot PPE is that common test date is not even fixed! *faints* cos that module is like 2 in 1....

ARGH!!!! God, i only want to say 'it is finished' soon. let me feel that it passed very quickly and yet at the same time, let me have enough time to do everything proper. (okays, isn't that wad all students pray?)


dang. i kind of feel used.

like wad i feel last week. dui ren jia hao shi deng yu dui bu qi zhi zi.

oh wells.

u dun bother anymore and i think it doesn't matter to u even if i collaspe in front of u.



edits//

im not letting u ruin my life. nope, not at this point of my life.

and like wad u told fang, 'im not the XX that you know last sem.'

maybe that's why i felt that u are a complete stranger.

the XX that i loved has indeed gone.




kind of glad that i met derek just now on the way to sch.

strange but i always seem to meet him at the toa payoh bus stop (actually, like duh, cos we always take 154/ 151/ 985 from the same bus stop).

went together for mac's breakfast and really talked about alot of things relating to relationships (relating. relationships.) for the both of us and also about YEP trip.

and im really glad for his point of view about the whole thing as a guy and i think im abit in a better state to see this whole thing now.

maybe all this while i have misunderstood you. im sorry for being so selfish for only thinking just myself and did not consider much about your feelings. im sorry that i was so insensitive to you. i guess it's due to the fact that i've been frank about my feelings that i take ppl's emotions at face value.

yeah. guess i will hold on. at least for now.

thank God for derek for helping me see some light.


sitting at bishan library and trying to do sdpn. argh. it's like after 1 hr of sitting in clubhouse before realising that i could have just come to the library with the comfort of the air con (cos churc's aircon system's down) and wifi while doing my work (okay, wifi's more like a bigger distraction than a comfort.)

yeah. sitting at the glass extenstion of the library and feeling a wave of my arty farty juices flowing into my veins again. like im itching for a subject and a good camera now. haha.

so much for supposedly concentratng on work.

maybe this shall be one of gillian's hangout place to study next time.

yeah.

anyway, please please remind gillian never to eat heaty food just before choir pract man. could feel my voice totally cracking up just now at practise. omgoodness la.

yeah. okays. enough of procrastination already. time to get back to do sdpn. blearghx.


exhausted.

dunno why, even after a good night's rest yesterday.

anyway, suppposed to do SDPN project today, but ended up going on a phototrip with jas and nua-ing at starbucks after that cos we were tired and thirsty.

but at least i did something enjoyable today after so so long, even tho i know that im so supposed to be doing all my long overdued homework.

took quite alot of picts and i guess some were pretty okayy.

will upload to flickr after i have sorted out the nicer ones and those that need a touch of editing.

yeah.


i have made up my mind to use my brains and logic only to handle this matter (and of course the rest too) cos feelings will get me to nowhere and only end up feeling hurt.

u have caused me too much pain till the point that i dun even noe why am i doing all these to myself.

gillian will learn how to survive on other things other than love alone, because gillian believes that love will make the world a better place and it should be the root of all civilisation.

yeah.

i shall learn to compartmentalise my thinking, like the guys. found it a good way to get a hold of ur feelings, esp when they are on a rampage, trying to overrule brains and logic.

yeah.

okays, i shall get back to work, because gillian needs to study for her NAPFA tester's test.


end of rants. bbbuhbye!!!

edits and add onns//

actually, gillian does not need to learn how survive on other things other than love; rather she should learn how to depend on God because He is good and He is the giver of all good things. yep =)


okayys. anyway, i had a good time doing lcpn project with ed. tried out a new style of discussion and i kind of liked it. yeah.

yeah, and anyway, i shall uphold my promise with God and wait upon Him for His timing is good and perfect.

yeah. enough words/ posts, time, emotions and tears wasted on him anyway. it's time to move on and concentrate on work.


pretty true character analysis for me... haha. but it's in chinese. will highlight the parts where i think it's super true abt me.
性　格：
　　10月9日出生的人总是能以正确、挑剔的眼光，看透周遭的人事物，然而奇妙的是，他们主要是用心去「感觉」，而非用头脑去分析、思考。他们不但颇能欣赏别人的特质，自己也极具魅力，总是像块磁铁般强烈地吸引住身边的人。
　　通常他们对别人的直觉都还挺准的，不过，一旦事情扯到自己，尤其是情绪失调的时候，就会产生很大的盲点。
　　从某方面来说，他们对事情的看法相当开放，对于周遭发生的事物也能机敏地评估。不过就像刚刚所说的，当他们自个儿卷进其中时，就会变得很不实际，连大家看来很明显的事实都无法认清。之所以会如此，是因为他们对某个特殊人物的情感过于强烈，致使他们非常容易受到迷惑、伤害或打击。等到他们清醒过来时，才会恍然大悟自己为了得到这份感情或关怀，反而牺牲掉某些最有价值的资产。这种情形不只发生在他们的感情世界，也出现在生活中的其它方面，有点像浮士德和魔鬼签下出卖灵魂的契约般，他们彷佛也和魔鬼或是提供物质享受的邪灵打上了交道，放弃了原有的一部份自制力。

爱情运：
　　今天出生的人与其它天秤座一样，拥有一颗浪漫的心。「爱」对他们来说，是理想，也是生命中不可或缺的原动力。本日生的人，若受不明理由否定他们的本性时，会受到很大的伤害。
　　如果因为地位或物质的理由，而劝他把爱放在第二位，这就等于要他放弃自己的本质一样，对本日出生的人而言，这是一种革命性的事情。
　　今天出生的男性，具有一种优雅而独特的气质，可吸引多数的女性，而此日出生的女寿星，虽然也同样拥有迷人魅力，然而，由于有强烈的自我主张，是属于个性美，适合别具慧眼的人来追求。
　　不论男、女，今天出生的寿星都有深情、温柔体贴的个性；善于了解别人，又具同情心，是个不错的好伴侣。
　　今天出生的人，最大的目标是希望社会更好，所以他希望能够找到一位可以与自己共同奋斗、互相帮助，彼此协调的知心朋友。

金钱运：
　　天秤座的人喜欢美丽的东西，美丽的环境及漂亮的服饰。然而想要以占有欲来决定自己的生活方式，是件危险的事；尤其是为了使自己喜欢的东西得手，不得放不弃理想，更是这天出生的寿星应视为禁忌的。
　　不过，今天出生的人，因为把爱情看得比物质来得重要，所以并不是很容易为追求物质而放弃理想或爱情的。
　　不过，要特别留意，千万不要因为好运的到来，使得自己很容易获得物质的满足，而放弃积极的态度而沈醉于这种运气，使得自己失去活力及自律。

事业运：
　　今天出生的人，基本上是以理想去行动。不论所从事的工作职位如何，机构大或小，他都会一方面与周遭的伙伴协调，一方面发挥其长才，另外，他也是个「谈判高手」。
　　对今天出生的人来讲，最理想的状态是和喜欢的人，在协调的状态下完成工作。如果那个工作是以人道主义为目的的工作，更能发挥最高的力量，将既定的方针付诸实行，不过以今天出生的天秤座来说，他是不喜欢自己动手，而希望由别人去执行的。
　　今天出生的人，会有效的利用与生俱来的浪漫、想象力以及细微的感觉，因此，以艺术方面为职业的情况相当多，尤其擅长音乐及绘画。许多优秀的作家及演员，都是天秤座的人。
　　此外，天秤座的人也具有敏锐的观察力、爱说笑话或喜说讽刺的话，所以，在喜剧或讽刺漫方面，也产生了许多多才多艺的演员及画家。

健康运：
　　当事情不从人愿时，请小心沮丧、愤怒与慌乱的偷袭。今天出生的人必须学习以强硬的态度去对付那些图谋己利的强权，不要向恶势力低头。他们总希望事情能顺利进行，因此常常为了寻求和谐，不惜牺牲自己的想法。
　　正面的宗教、灵性和果断的训练，对某些人将有所帮助。有关饮食与运动方面，可以跟着直觉走，但是服用抗忧郁药和镇静剂时，须多加留意，千万不要上瘾。

the rest, i deleted it already. haha. this thing abt me is super true. haha.

okays. im lost in my feelings. and i really dun want to think about it anymore. im very very confused and i really hope that i didn't give myself anymore false hope this time round.


as i was mulling about yesterday's events, it just occurred to me that i had once made a promise.

A promise to God.

yeah, cannot believe that i actually forgot all about it. argh.

yucks.

yeah.

i guess that's the end of the story. at least for now. it's just the 'cha qu' for now.

oh wells. time to take a break.






anyway, that promise to God was that i shall not get into a relationship until i reach 21. yeah.

whatever it takes; that's what i'll do, to get back to You. because i've strayed too far from You already.

yeah. time to get back to my AutoCAD class also. haha. =)


Sleepy brain prone to sudden shutdowns study
By Julie SteenhuysenTue May 20, 6:53 PM ET

Being deprived of sleep even for one night makes the brain unstable and prone to sudden shutdowns akin to a power failure -- brief lapses that hover between sleep and wakefulness, researchers said on Tuesday.

"It's as though it is both asleep and awake and they are switching between each other very rapidly," said David Dinges of the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, whose study appears in the Journal of Neuroscience.

"Imagine you are sitting in a room watching a movie with the lights on. In a stable brain, the lights stay on all the time. In a sleepy brain, the lights suddenly go off," Dinges said in a telephone interview.

The findings suggest that people who are sleep-deprived alternate between periods of near-normal brain function and dramatic lapses in attention and visual processing.

"This involves more structures changing than we've ever seen before, but changing just during these lapses," Dinges said.

He and colleagues did brain imaging studies on 24 adults who performed simple tasks involving visual attention when they were well rested and when they had missed a night's sleep.The researchers used a type of brain imaging known as functional magnetic resonance imaging, or fMRI, which measures blood flow in the brain.

They found significant, momentary lapses in several areas of the brain, which seemed to frequently falter when the people were deprived of sleep, but not when these same people were well rested.

"These people are not lying in bed. They are sitting up doing a task they learned and they are working very hard at doing their best," Dinges said.

He said the lapses seem to suggest that loss of sleep renders the brain incapable of fully fending off the involuntary drive to sleep.

He said the study makes it clear how dangerous sleep deprivation can be while driving on the highway, when even a four-second lapse could lead to a major accident.

"These are not just academic interests," he said.
(Editing by Will Dunham and Cynthia Osterman)


i really feel that i do not know you any more.

wadever happened to the you i used to know, i dunno.

to tell you the truth, i have never been that hurt by anyone who is a friend to me in my entire life. it's like 万箭chuan心 and it's really like my heart 被五马分尸.

it's really like i put in my heart and soul into this project because i know you had high expectations for this project and i know u always wantd to excel. i tried all my best and worked on it endlessly only to get that line. do you even know how hurt i am?

saying that sorry doesn't really help easing that pain. it's like u can shoot ur mouth off when you are frustrated without even thinking how i felt and then u try to get it away just by saying a word of sorry.

wadever i said today was really how i felt this morning when i was rushing the last part of the project. it's like just because i know u ppl are all exhausted (physically and mentally) and i dun want to last min stress ppl then im trying to do as much as possible when i dun even know how to do those parts.

and then u said that line to me.

is that fair to me?

for this project i sacrificed ALL my other homework, sleep, time with God, my sanity and a messed up meal times and u tell me what have i been doing.

im so seriously in doubt.

frankly speaking, im really tired. im tired not just mentally, physically, but also tired of figuring out wad exactly you want from me.

do you really want me to spell out every single emotion that im having so that you know wad you should do?

idk. really.

all that i ask from you is to let me off from your mind games. im really really exhausted.


been a crazy day. yuck.

and im so not supposed to be here so im making it real quick.

it's really the last lap of choinging for PM proposal and also entomology quiz.

argh. but point is as of now 2350pm of 20 may 2008, i have not even touched the book to revise...and the quiz is like in another 8 hrs and 10 mins time!

haha. if i ever pull thru this, it's really a miracle.

and i noe that ed's quite pek chek with me. and the worst thing is that i seem to reach my stauration pont already. never felt this feeling for so so super long since i left sec school.

okayys. first of all, i need to desturate and then add in all the things that i need to survive tml. oh God, please see me thru this man.


and i noe we are all very stressed ppl and i really dun want to see u all so stressed up, so that's why i refrained from telling you that im tired and i needed a break because i know that u need it more than me.

yeah, and i found a line to be very true today. shall share it next time.


statement of the day: plant doctor says hi to the human doctor.


haha. come to think of it, it's really funny. cos the plant doctor (that's me, cos i study abt them) says hi to the human doctor (that's jeremy heng cos he's in nus medicine) and yeah, he's going to be my cell leader when i move over!!


yay. it's gonna be exciting. fancy having 2 doctors in the cell. haha. yeah pretty much looking forward to my new cell cos i can finally be out of my sis' circle of friends (thank God!) and get to know the others.

yeah, i know that i haven't offishally told many ppl about this decision, esp to the Js (cos u guys had been so bz with ur exams) and it was only yesterday that i confirm plus chop with no regrets that i made the decision.

yeah. time to do work again.


been a very long day.

did my softscape only to realise that i need my photoshop book to do all that wadever josh wants and also having alot of trouble figuring out wad's silohuette (wadever) and form.

anyway, love microsoft office 2007 to bits! cannot understand why everyone hates it. cos it's so totally user-friendly to me and haha, too bad if u dunno how to use it to its fullest potential. haha. so proud of myself for self learning office 2007. (again, haha.)

yeah. anyway, i realised that i really shouldn't talked about you that day. dang. thinking nothing but u when im not occupied with work. argh.

oh wells.

anyway, i think i should really stand firm to wad i have decided and yes, im going to stand firm and not be swayed anymore.

that is to not think about you (it's gonna be hard, but i will do it), not think about visual comm and concentrate on HLM, and also to move to my 'Promised Land'.

yes. gillian will gambateh!


yeah. after photoshopping!



looks cool eh? haha. yeap. it's the design for my IS module brochure (apparently we're going to exhibit our master pieces sometime later). so happy and sad that it's like 90% over (last 10% comes from me showing her my journal on tues). really enjoyed the last 5 weeks of it and it really sparked off quite an intrest in me to pursue it. haha.

yeah. anyway, wore my 2008 orientation shirt and yaojie was like 'i want i want! where did u get it from?' haha. so funny. haha. took the opportunity to suan him also.

yeah. finally went shopping today but was too tired to shop and all i managed to get was some more tank tops from mango and other stuff. and worst of all, i didn't have the mood to get my scoopz! ice-cream, cos i had a splitting headache and was complaining that i need sleep. haha (so why am i here?)

need to rush as much of pm project as possible tonight so that i can hand it over to ed and wash my hands off the proposal for the time being.


'Is he the one?' was good. really. but somehow like abit cannot connect.

everyone's different and each love story is unique. how boring and uncreative God must be if all love stories on earth are the same.

that was thought of the moment. haha.

anyway, was uber stressed up in the morning cos i woke up late and also due to all the stress from all the projects. nearly had a nervous breakdown. yeah.

i guess im feeling all these cos i really dun feel secure that im able to handle all these even tho i noe that im not alone. i noe that i will definitely have the clique around me to support me when i need a listening ear, but somehow i dun feel as assured as before.

honestly speaking, im really afraid. im afraid that you all will leave me. i don't know. i feel a sense of helplessness and flustered when you all are not around. idk. my sense of security is really being shaken when i see you so close to other ppl. it's really not because im jealous and all, but i really feel insecure because i feel that i dun know things that i ought to know.

maybe im paranoid, but i really dun want things to change. i feel that im going to be thrown at the deep end of the pool and learn to swim myself. never have i felt a deeper sense of insecurity than this.

i know that my security is in the Lord and that He is the Provider and He is more than able to provide for me and as any other parent, God will never give us a rock when we want bread.

Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? (Mat 7:9- 11)

actually why am i even feeling this when i know that my security is in the Lord? maybe i do know, but i guess, i just refuse to admit it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
add onns//

im really confused by what you are doing now. i dun understand and i feel like im losing all pior knowledge of you.

i dun want to think anymore.

but is it possible?
__________________________________________________

i dun want to hurt anyone anymore. i've hurt too many ppl already and i dun want you to be the next.

it's actually alot more than my relationship with God and it's also about my past. even if u have faith in me, i dun know if i can trust myself in committing into a relationship.

u know what? i really thank God for letting me meet you cos i believe that i have grown alot and also to have you as a friend is a blessing. i really treasure u as a really good friend and someone i can look up to.

i dun want because of me getting into a relationship when im not totally prepared and then jeopardising our relationship.

sometimes i think i say too much. oh wells.


as promised, this is the peekture that im so super duper proud of, cos it's really one of the best drawings in my entire life, and it really describes me becos it's a self portrait.



have yet to give it a nice name and to give it colour. yep. the only colour that u see is photoshopped and not of the flash or wadsoever.


it has been a weird week.

feeling that me and some ppl are not in their usual selves. or maybe, that's their true colours.

been doubting many issues. and im surprised by some of the thoughts. yeah.

been feeling pretty stressed, tired, frustrated, doubtful, angry and alot of other emotions that is not convenient to express it here.

i just want to be myself. i want to unlock that chain that has been suppressing me for who i am. but yet at the same time, i feel that i have to be way of the predators out there who are waiting for me to stumble and fall.

sometimes i really wonder if i chose HLM because of my own selfish wants and personal fears that im not able to excel in there.

maybe the only thing i know now is that im drowning in the pool of stress and doubts and trying to look like i know how to swim in front of other people but in fact, i think im going beserk.


Nichole Nordeman - What If
From the album Brave

What if you’re right?
And he was just another nice guy
What if you’re right?
What if it’s true?
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it’s true?

What if he takes his palace in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then?

(Chorus)
But what if you’re wrong?
What if there’s more?
What if there’s hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He’s more than enough?
What if it’s love?

What if you dig, What if you dig
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig?
What if you find
A thousand more unanswered questions inside
That’s all you find

What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more
Then folklore that must be told and retold

(Chorus)

You’ve been running as fast as you can
You’ve been looking for a place you can land so long
But what if you’re wrong?

What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He’s more than enough?
What if it’s love?


sick and tired physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

yes, i noe im very irritable recently and have lost my cool at alot of ppl recently due to a huge lack of sleep.

it's gonna get worse, i promise. (not that i want to, but yeah)

was pissed off (okay, still is) with some ppl today.

yeah, and it made me REALLY glad that i ain't his gf or something, cos i think i'll be like 'urgh..' everyday. yeah. needed his reply for sth quite urgent and he didn't reply. blearghs. and the best part was that he was the one who wanted everyone to reply him when we get his sms. -.- then he nv reply to ours. nice.

and yeah. was pissed off with my sis. okayys. cut the long story short, we just do not click and we think that the other party is crazy and we will quarrel when u place the 2 of us tgt. end of story.


so many things to do do and yet to blog about, but i guess i shall make it quick.

didn't have my scones and banana ice cream yest, but i had my cookies and cream ice cream from scoopz today! *happies*

haha.

and really thank God forletting me have a nice long chat with Wisdom on fri (er, that's really his name) cos he really helped me in my decision making and also he's really some one who has the wisdom of God in him. yeah. cos you noe that he speaks from a godly perspective when you talk to him.

it's been a mad rush and it's going to be even crazier as the days go by. gosh, i really dunno how im going to survive, really.

im feeling worn out. blearghx. when you really wish that you can just drop every thing down and just take a long long break and sleep and re-energise.

Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)


tired.

yeah. and to add it all up, my knees hurt alot too. yeah, old problem coming's back again, cos of the sai kang that we were doing the last 2 days. sigh sigh.

LM's really good, was laughing/ thinking abt some stuff and regretting not inviting ppl for LM. yeah. been too busy/ tired to think too much.

anyway, going to have scones with the clique @ beach road tomorrow and getting stuff from art friend during our 5 hr break. yay!!! *happy* food makes me all perked up and happy. haha. im already thinking of the banana ice- cream there already!!! *drools*

yep. im so so so happy that i can eat the banana ice cream. *prays that all will go smoothly tomorrow so i can eat the ice cream there. hahaa.

anyway, i think ed was like quite shocked but happy to see me all perked up like a kid knows that he's getting wad he wants when we were on the topic on food on the pretty crowded bus and a super heavy bag that was killing me.


oh yeah, just remembered wad i wanted to blog about already. haha.

mind has been in a state of whirl/ troubled after QT.

i know God is good and also He wants the best for me...but then im really not sure if this is indeed the path for me.

was praying about the switch and then He told me to just drop everything like how He called Abraham out of his comfort zone and into the Promised Land.

yeah.




just realised that i haven' blogged in ages.

God has been good to me, for getting me off the com and work and giving me rest by messing up the product key of vista (like wad i told ed, sai wong shi ma, yan zhi fei fu.)and not allowing me to fix it (thank God i got it fixed at timmy's, if not i would have to go all the way down to funan to get it fixed). managed a whopping 12 hr's rest the night before so that i could be prepared for the upcoming work that needs to be done.

yeap, wrote the last post in my 'autistic mood' (haha, i shall name that mood like this from now on.) it's really a mood that i dun want to be in contact with ANYONE (and i mean every single human on this planet) and to just have my so called 'peace' around me and it's quite a different feeling from being emo.

yeah.

anyway, signed up for church camp only to realise that joy, serene LIM, abigail, cheryl's NOT GOING! sigh. these are like the few ppl that i really want to catch up before i sink into poly life again when sch reopens. oh wells, but im pretty looking forward learning from my roomies during church camp! yay. c'mon. im stepping out of my comfort zone (in a way) and i guess, everything in His timing.

and im so glad that joy took the same bus as me today! caught up with her for a while, before she got off at potong pasir. yeah. it's been AGES since we last had a good talk. sigh. missed those good but oily lunches at the prata place behind church with the other Js. but all of us are all so busy and after all, i feel that we all have already drifted apart. but it's good to have a 'reunion' lunch at the prata place. haha

okays. feeling super exhaused already and i have not done anything for my journal. sigh. i need rest, seriously.