wasn't a good day either.

and yeah, something dawned on me today.

guys may become my best/ closet friends on this planet, but i doubt i'll be able to find one as a life partner.

with thanks to some ppl on that.

yeah.

i'd prefer to stay alone and not live with anyone. c'mon, women does not live by men alone, tho it's good to have men as a compliment at times. and with entomology under my belt after this sem, nothing is impossible now. haha.

*if only i could move out of this place*

im not into commual living cos it just simply chokes me up. and i dun like ppl controlling me at home. yeah.


maybe it's really time to make the switch.

i really dunno, and i really hate to leave that place of familarity and also to leave u guys.

but, i gotta think of the BIG PICTURE.

of my destiny.

of what God has planned to reach that place.

BUT, i dun wanna leave, cos i dun wanna leave you. cos you are my most special friend and i want you to be fruitful in ur walk with God and i dun want to leave you when u need a friend to be around.

not that we won't be friends when i make that switch, but i want to be constantly be around so that you noe that i will be there when you need me, cos sometimes when you dun see sth, u will tend to forget its exsistance.

yeah. im worried, fearful (not really fear, but u noe that it's there), and i really dunno wad to expect, but i really want you guys to know that no matter where i am, i am still the gillian that you noe and i'll be there for you ppl no matter wad happens. yeap.


tired.

maybe i've been depending too much of myself and on my own strength and i guess that was what He was telling me today through the whole episode.

whatever it takes, no matter what i'll do, i will get back to You.

that was a line of an unknown song that i so loved when i tune in to KLOVE in the past and would sing together with so much zest and love whenever it was played . ironically, i seem to have lost that passion when i thought about that line.

whatever happened to the passion i had? i really dunno.

sch has been really realy been hetic since the start of the semester and i feel that i dun even have the time to rest.

too many things to be done, too many thing that wants to be done, but just 24 hours.

i dun want to be slack in the semester anymore. i dun want to go through poly life just like that. i want my poly life to be dynamic. i want my life not only to be enriched spiritually, but also in the other aspects of my life. i want to be an impact in the lives around me.

fulfilling the destiny that God has in mind.

hmm... but first of all i need to SLEEP and also start getting my time back with Him. this cannot carry on anymore. blearghx. cos it's killing me. rawr.


i dunno whether is it time to make that switch.

God has been good to me no doubt, but i really want to be in a place where His is, to be siting right at His feet, and ready to absorb the spiritual food that He's gonna give me.

I just want to be where You are
Dwelling daily in Your prescence
I don't want to worship from afar
Draw me near to where You are

I just just want to be where You are
In Your dwelling place forever
Take me to the place where You are
'Cause I just want to be with You

I just want to be where You are
Dwelling in Your prescence
Feasting at Your table
Surrounded by Your glory
In Your prescence
That's where I long to be
I just want to be where You are
I just want to be with You

O my God, You are my strength and my song
And when I'm weak You're strong

yeah. there's so many things that i could thank Him for, for the past few days. im really glad that He's my King, Lord, Saviour, Messiah, Brother and Friend.


sometime back someone made a statment to me that goes something like this: "you are a christian?! im a taoist but alot of ppl said i talked like a christian' *sniggers*

the next day as i was just reflecting on the long bus ride to school, it really made me wonder why he said that line.

Background

somehow as i talked to that person i felt that he was being choked by his circumstances and yet, he thought that it was his solace, and there is nothing else that he could do. he blamed the whole world for being practical and he couldn't do wad he loved to do. he blamed his circumstances for not being able to let him do wad he could have done.

he felt that he should only work hard when the opportunity aries, and it's a total waste of his time and energy. he'd rather idle his life away, wandering without a purpose than to actually stand up to fight for his love of his life.

back to the present.

i was pretty much overwhelmed by grief, that a young man so full of promise is just wasting his life away. i could pretty much understand whet he's going through. after all, i felt that being in HLM was pretty much an alienated course (tho it's gaining more recognition now)

and as i reflected on his statement, i realised how warped ppl's thinking are.

all of us at least try to be a good person, to be a law abiding citizens and helping ppl when we are in need. that's wad all major religions teach, don't they? and that's where ppl say all religions are the "same"

but wad he (and the others) failed to understand that what make christianity different is that we DO NOT believe that our place is secured in heaven by doing good deeds.

Why we do not believe

let's agree on some points: all who are righteous, pure and perfect definitely has a place in heaven. all who have done wrong must be punished. sin is something that you have done wrong in the eyes of the Most High. wrongdoings in life can only be repaid by going to hell (lake of fire as in the bible and the 18 levels of hell in chinese traditions as far as i noe)

agree? if yes, let's carry on.

senario one: person A has just donated USD10 billion to charities around the world. however, he just found out that his wife has commited adultery and in a fit of anger, he killed his wife's lover.

a good deed and a sin. when you have committed a sin/ crime, ppl will not remember that you have donated the USD 10 billion, but rather, focus on that fact that you have killed a person. his reputation of being a righteous man is instantaeously destroyed and it could never be recovered again.

it's just like a pure white cloth having a stain on it. immediately, that cloth can never be pure white again cos it is already stained by that one small spot and no matter how small it is, it is still there. With this in mind, no one could have gone to heaven via works because you have to be pure (as agreed above) before entering into the gates of heaven, which translates that even if u told a white lie, God would have called you a sinner because a white lie is still a lie.

senario two: my mom always tell me how my sister displayed her love for me when we were young by scolding her for bringing her precious baby sister to the clinic to inflict pain and tears when it was actually benificial for me because she didn't know wad it was all about at that young age.

love. how great that love displayed in a toddler and what more could it be when Jesus claims us to be brothers and sisters?

senario three: as children, we would always try ways and means to push boundaries that our parents have set and more often than not, we would always get punished by our parents. sometimes, when we (our siblings) are punished, they (we)would try to lessen their (our) pain by taking the rap for us (them). as always depicted in shows, the 'troblemaker' sibling always takes the rap of the seemingly innocent sibling when it was always the vice versa because he/she loves the sinbling alot.

just as how punishment needs to be meted out when we disobey our parents, so does punishment needs to be meted out when we we disobey God. but as seen above, punishment can be transferrable so long the other party is willing to take the rap for u.

so yeah, to be concise, human race was condemned because Adam and Eve sinned against God, and via the genes, we also cannot help but to sin against Him. Because His love, Jesus came down to take our punishment for us and therefore we are made perfect because Jesus was perfect.

Why was Jesus perfect?
-He was God veiled in human flesh
-He was tempted by satan in the desert for 40 days and nights before He started calling ppl to him and he did not fall into sin.

How did He take our punishment?
-He died for us on the cross and after 3 days, He resurrected.

Why must He resurrect?
- it is because he had defeated death and therefore being able to live again. if he didn't, it means that there none of us would go to heaven.

Did anyone see him after he resurrected?
-yes! it was stated that he appeared to more than 500 people at one time and many more saw him during his 40 day stay on earth before ascending to heaven.

yeah, even tho it could be same same, but, at the end of the day, it is different.


was feeling pretty upset today after lunch.

okay, it wasn't exactly ur fault, but it really reminded me of some very upsetting events in my life.

it made me realise that all these years i had been alone, alone to fend and protect myself (okay, i noe God has been with me all these while on hind side, but to have another human being to verbalise their love and concern for you, it feels really different and at that point in life, i wasn't a christian yet.)

i guess i was jealous of her at that point of time, to see you caring so much for her and it just amplifies my past hurts, especially so when i noe that she doesn't know. i really wondered why was God so being unfair to me, like He placed you to care for her and as for me, i had no one to turn to when i needed help, when i needed a ear to listen to and a shoulder to cry on when im at my lowest.

but when i realised that i wouldn't be what i am now if not for all these, i guess it just help me to realise that im actually much much stronger than wad i think i am and that through all these hurting experiences, it helps me to understand ppl's emotions better and the reasons as to why they are doing what they are doing.

and i guess i've been very independent about my feelings all these while and even now, it's very hard for me to tell people of the things that can shake me to my core. yeah. so i guess, God does noe wad i really need. haha.

it hurts, yeah, defintely, but all these should come to an end. even tho God didn't promise us that our lives to be smooth sailing and instead filled with more temptations and trials, but just as the gardener prunes the grapevines for better fruits for the next harvest, so is God using all these to groom us into better christians.

God is good, for He doesn't give us more than wad we can bear. yeah.


still sick. but i've already spread the virus to like my whole famly. heh.

anyway, i've got back my lappie!! yay. =) but they changed my cover...so my stickers are gone (and my lappie feels more squarish...hmmm.). blearghx...but it also means that i can go get the skin that i want! *happy* haha. that's opportunity cost for u.

yeah. im not supposed to be here, cos im supposed to do my IS hw or go to bed. *tired* been a super duper hetic weekend with no rest.

gaah...my eyes hurt real bad, but i hven't finished mr X!!!! nooooooooo......


List seven habits/ quirks/ facts about yourself.
(1) i think i dun mind migrating to cambodia
(2) i hated talking to people during childhood
(3) i had nv tasted gassy drinks in my entire life with the exception of 100 plus and some weird drink that my friend bought from swiz and im intending to let it stay that way.
(4) i always wanted to live alone away from ppl.
(5) i only started eating ice cream when i was pri 2
(6) i was born with pretty sensitive ears and nose (but it dulled already)
(7) i do not do alot of things as reflected above.

haha. yeah. i think im starting to revert to my old self, after that deep reflection yesterday and the day before.

i mean, i love talking to people and all now, but somehow, being "anti-social" seems to occur almost naturally, whether i want it anot. im not sure if this is a psycological issue that we're talking here, but somehow, i can't seem to connect with ppl that well anymore.

maybe it's just my imagination running wild, but if it's really true, i will still continue to post here and give insights to what's gg thru my mind now.


back from love actually concert.

it was really a BLAST!!! like cool. but the only thing that was imperfect was that he ain't around. haha. yeah.

yeah. found myself becoming more and more dependent on him. sigh. if that wasn't any good.

he's been my source of support and really, i've never found myself trusting anyone more than him, with the exception of Jesus. sigh sigh.

i dun believe this myself too.

yeah. like i said, my flesh dun go in line with my spiritual side. and really, i could so envision how we can complement each other but yet at the same time, right now, he's not the one.


feeling worse than yest. yeah.

regained my train of thoughts, here's wad i read from xinwei's blog, and i found it to be so true! "So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans 7:21-25)

it really spoke of my spiritual state today, having to find myself fighting against all those temptations that i managed to overcome recently once again. like my own carnal flesh and satan's trying to draw me away from God once more....

started to read a book called "dreams of a woman" and this book touches on the hurts and disappointments felt by women. hmmm.. like if u would ask a young girl (i guess it aptly describes me when i was much younger) right now wad would be her hope for her future and wad she wanted, she could tell u that she wants to be a bride/ princess/ a mother and many times she would dress up with what ever she could find to fufil her dreams temporarily and her father who simply adores her and spend quailty time with her. but very often than not, that dream is always shattered with hurts and disappointments because theymay come from a broken background, and even in a nucleic unit, our fathers are still humans and there are times when they have let us down.

yeah.

as i was reeading, many thoughts came into my mind. i started to wonder how was my childhood different from the rest of my peers when we were growing up? (this thought popped into my head because it was only recently i found out that im sort of autistic, then again, as my mom pointed out, every one is a person with special needs cos we are all not perfect and it's a matter of how serious ur condition is.)

for me, i would recall that as a child i loved solitude. maybe to other ppl, it may seem strange, but i really disliked loud noises and high pitches and as a toddler, i hated babies (okies, i still dun like them, but i guess, not as much as last time, but i still wouldn't go near them anyway. even if it's my niece.), for the way their cries hurt my ears and i would love doing things with me, myself and i and doing things my way.

it was only much later that i would learn how to communicate with people effectively and to build up lasting friendships. yeah. (fang, do u noe now why i say when i fan lian with ppl, i will not automatically patch with ppl de?)

that's the main reason why i really appreciated you guys so much, cos it's through u ppl, i can say i've learnt how to be a better friend and how to handle emotions and rationalise things within a friendship better.

haha. actually, im still thinking if i should say all these here. haha. you all can ask me more if u all want to noe wad other weird habits i have. lol.


"a decision is a choice that u've made and there is nothing in this world that will change your mind." -edward

haha. yeah. sentence of the day. =)

as i was just reflecting on that line, i wondered how my life would be like if i really didn't choose HLM as my choice (yeah, i noe, i shouldn't be thinking about this since im in HLM for like 2 yrs already.), but instead took a design course maybe.

actually, i really don't know, cos God has really blessed me in alot of areas during the last 2 years. I really thank God for edward, fangling, mabel and melissa for being my dearest classmates, whom i can really be myself and to share my life experiences with. I thank God also for the wonderful cca that im in now, for melodie, michele, daniel liu, winnie, yongliang, vanessa, sarah, joel, tabitha, rachel (my long lost pri sch friend), hwee fang, wisdom and all the rest in crusade for being my kha-kis and also for being my source of inspiration. i noe even tho i may not talk to some of u often, but really, knowing the things that u guys/ girls are doing, really brings joy to my soul and really just helps me to be motivated in chasing after Him when i grow weary.

yeah, and i can really say that all the above ppl has impacted me in ALOT of ways, more than u all can think and i can say loud and clear with boldness that even if i ever regretted coming to this course, i have never regretted knowing u people cos u all have helped me grow in the past year and really, the thanks that i have is really more than words that could express my feelings.

and God has been good and faithful, cos He put a song of praise in this heart of mine so that my spirits could be once again lifted to sing of His praises (not that i dun sing His praises when im down, but i really want to express that rush of relief and thanksgiving i have in my heart) and really to enjoy His presence that surrounds me.

yeah, after which, as i was walking home, it really made me wonder what could so blinded me during the past few months that i failed to see that His love and grace was more thn sufficient for me to live on this earth, even until eternity, and instead, turned to chase after a love, that is so temporal comparing to His love for me.

like wad edward said, a decision is a choice that u have decided should not be overruled by anything else that comes in ur way later. and since the day i've made the choice to be a shining christian for Him, i shall continue to be a God- chaser, for He delights in those who seeks after Him.


gaah!!!!!!!!!

darn. so cheat my feelings cann?? irritating!!!!!!! argh.

just when we thought we saw the last of *ahem* (shall not mention names), he just suddenly appeared right in front of us, with a haircut somemore!!!

sian. my joy for that module instantaeneously died off. like u could see all our jaws dropped in that spilt second. G01 and G02 were like so shocked. like omgoodness.

really. and for that moment, i so wished i have just gotten the mc. argh!!!!! yeah.

but abeit all these, i was still listening in class. really! okays. maybe not 100%, but i tried my best. cos i was really feeling sick and i was freezing in the room. wore like 3 pretty thick layers of clothes (2 polo and a jacket and still feeling cold, btw, im freezing in the gym as im typing) and continued wearing 2 polos in the afternoon (mind you, it was a pretty hot day)

yeah. i wish i can zonk off to lala land like now, but im working and my partner MIA-ed..... and the worst thing is that i have an 8 am lesson tomorrow. yeah.

all i want now is for this flu to get away from me. strange, but i seem to feel worse after taking medication. like my head seems hotter and my eyeballs are burning and im tearing and breathing out really hot air.


heyy heyy! im back. yeah. alive.

tot i would have died during last week. well i barely made it alive, considering the fact that i fell ill and also that someone really pissed me off like yesterday. yeah.

anyway, they are all over. and the new school term has started!!! did i say that i love gg to sch after hols?? haha. yeah, to all ye ppl out there who are still struggling with secondary and post secondary education, tertiery education actually makes u look forward to sch. haha. yeah. it's just so unbelievable.

yeah. i so badly need to see the doc. gaah! hope it's just the flu...if not it could be malaria. haha. far fetched. yeah lors. wahahaha.

and IS today was so fun!! made a metal sculpture today. yay. and next week we are gg to play with plaster and making moulds. cool right? i think my lecturer's so cool even tho she's like deaf, and she lip reads. but her pronounciation's so perfect that u'll nv think that she's deaf. haha. she's one cool woman. looking forward to her classes.

yep. im working now...and i think im running a temperature at the same time.


hmmm. i really dunno why im posting and just nua-ing in front of the com when i know that i have better things to do like to finish up my long prcrastinated scarf for myself or like to listen/ practise my choir songs or just train up my voice and maybe try working on my niece's sweater (which i gave up awhile ago, cos it's simply too difficult for me for a noob like me, cos of the fine neeedles and the super soft and thin yarn)

yeah. was reading some people's blogs (yeah, if u realised, i've cleared most of the links. cos i really dun read them anyway.) and i felt the lostness in them, in their lives. somehow, i could connect that feeling. that feeling that i hadn't felt in a long long time.

like how i spent that 5 years in school, bumming life around, didn't know wad was i to do in the future, and i couldn't see anything beyond the years of secondary sch, cos seriously, our path of education till O levels (okay, for some even till As and even uni) was so well planned that we could just follow blindly with the crowd and i really dun want to just 'follow blindly' and be a part of the statistics who are just going through the motion of doing what they ought to. and seriously, the real reason why i chose to repeat sec 3 instead of promoting to sec 4 with the rest (i know alot of ppl called me siao and maybe being labelled as 'lazy' and being cold to me just because i decided to repeat sec 3.) was because i really didn't know wad to do with my life after i graduated. to repeat would mean that i could run away from decision making for a year, and hoping that by then i could find a path for me to walk on after finishing Os.

and as the story goes, God found me, or at least He let me find Him once again at the end of sec 1 (i said the sinner's prayer while in primary 2, but did not attend church, and i've turned my back from Him after awhile and embraced the chinese religions in pri 5) and after His divine intervention (i rightly believe so) i came over to zion and started serving during sec 4 thru youth outreach.

and i was really glad that i chose to repeat, cos i could see alot of prejudices that ppl had to the underachievers in our society and really, to see some ppl's true colours and i must say that it's a precious experience for me because i really experienced many things that most wouldn't in that 1-2 yrs.

yeah. God has been good to me and blessed me with very good results which i could have never achieved without Him. yeah, without math, i could be a 9 pointer for L1R4. haha. yeah. but at least i could go into HLM smoothly with my 12 points for L1R4.

and right now, i want to be His messenger for Him, spreading His word and to be a good testimony for Him and really to just go wherever He may lead.

Shepard of my soul
I give You full control
Wherever You may lead
I will follow

I have made the choice
To listen to Your voice
Wherever You may lead
I will go

Be it in a quiet pasture
Or by a gentle stream
The Shepard of my soul is by my side
Should I face the mighty mountains
Or a valley dark and deep
The Shepard of my soul will be my guide


thank God for today, really, that He is indeed our master Planner and that He works things out for the best.

so many things that i could thank Him for; to see that the R comm is so together and really, being in this committee is a blessing, cos once again, i see His goodness and faithfulness and it has really impacted me.

thank you winnie, michele, yongliang, hweefang, melodie, jeanette, kelvin and daniel, that i have learnt so much from u all during this time, esp winnie, michele and melodie. u girls are really my inspiration and the people who keep me going. thank you, winnie and michele for sharing ur pasts with us so openly so that you all can testify to the grace, mercy and the goodness of our Lord.

ur testimonies have really impacted me and also it has made me want to accept healing of the past more readily. i guess i have always feared of looking weak in front of people and even when im alone, i do not show that softer side of me cos i really hated crying, brawling out my eyes and feeling inadequate, helpless and relieving the moments of fear and pain.

anyway, i believe that God is preparing something great for each and every one of us and also for np. i really believe that revival time has ARRIVED!!! yay!

add-onns//

daryl decided to ask why did i chose to stay where i am now instead of moving on to a church where im more comfortable and there's no restriction of worship style and speaking in tongues.

hmmm. it really brings me back to the days that i was really contemplating whether to make that switch, but then daniel liu said something that really hit me. okies. i think it goes sth like it is very precious thing to be in a church and that u shouldn't change church just because of worship preferences.

yeah. after the 'and' was really wad he said...and i cannot remember the front part. oops. yeah. daniel is one guy that i really look up and respect to cos he really listens and gives good advice because wadever that im facing, he has encountered similar/ worse situations than me and he's very patient, even tho he can be pretty mean and lame at times, connsidering that he tried smashing my birthday cake on my face but ended up only smearing chocolate cream on my face and sabo-ing me in public. hmmmph. but then again, it was a memorable 18th birthday with the crusaders cos there will never be a boring bd celebration with them. right?

yeah. then again, God will provide and lead the way when the time is right.


getting pretty pissed with my dad for throwing my propagation box away + my shoes. rawr.

had blisters on my feet cos i had no flats (cos he threw them all away, like wad the heck) and i couldn't wear slippers (the nicer ones got thrown also) and then my only choice is to hear heels and yeah, after the weekend i had blisters on my feet. thank God they are like almost ok already, but no more heel man!! argh..

and yeah, my whole box of leaves and shoots are gone. that's like at least 6 plants there. 6 X $7 (if im selling them) that's like at least $42 down the rubbish chute. -.- like crap. there goes my pocket money okays.

sigh sigh. and then there's the weird weather to tackle and quite alot of my CnS has died already, due to it being so wet..maybe i should just concentrate on AVs. cos they are so pretty almost the whole year round and also easier to take care with the cranky weather. haha. but when CnS flowers, they are more rewarding and pretty too.

rawr.


melodie was just explaining on fri how michele told her that she read this book (i forgot the title) that men are wired to have more pride and that they are always mindful whether he look weak or macho in a girl's eyes while women are wired to be more emotional and we are always thinking like does he love me and all those questions. (okays, u 2 can correct me if im wrong)

yeah. anyway, im more calmed down now, not so emo and able to process my emotions better (it 's really just pms-ing, blearghx. that's why i hate it so much, cos it's really a time i get really affected by every single thing.)

and really thank God for being so patient with me, cos i can nv imagine how He can be so faithful, even in my times of doubting Him. yeah, that's why God is good.

really could feel Him leading me through this whole day. from the time that i woke up, all the way till now, as i type this post.

woke up, only to realise that im pretty late for SM training, hurried up and i wanted to wear shoes today, but since my dad threw away all my mary jane shoes, i have to wear heels cos i tot it wasn't very nice to wear slippers there.

so okays got into the lift only to realise that my phone was at home. went back up to take my phone. when i got to the mrt station, i missed my train so decided to take a bus, which i ran to the bus stop (which i almost sprained my ankle twice, so thank God), only to miss it too!!! like omgoodness...by the time the next bus came, it was already 9:08 when i boarded the bus and i have to be at foochow methodist church at 9:30 which is at little india and i have no idea how to go there.

yeap. and while on the bus, God showd me through devotion that it's time to put down all my secret dreams and hopes and lusts down and be focused on him. (like it's really an answer from God) and so i reached little india mrt station, unsure if the group that was meeting at the station had left. walked over to the other exit only to find them still there cos they were waiting for someone else! yay. so trotted down with them to foochow methodist church and so i got there safe and sound.

training was good, cos it really help to prepare me for the role of being an SM, and there we shared some of our fears on taking this challenge and how to overcome them and then there was the thing about how Jesus trained disciples from the multitudes and from the disciples, the apostles and how these apostles trained men and women of faith who in turn influenced the whole western world with christianity.

(which means to say that if the 1st century christians could do that great an accomplishment, isn't it even more possible that we could reach the whole world esp with technology and globalisation? so why aren't it happening? is there a mistake somewhere? yeah! there is sth wrong here! c'mon! get out of that comfort zone and stop being selfish! spread that gift of life!)

decided to head down to yf, even tho i didn't really want to, but i was really glad that i did, cos it was a continuation of God speaking to me.

had a time of prayer, and it was to ask God for forgiveness of our sins, thanksgivings/ thanking Him for all that He has done and Him as the Prophet, King and Priest and also to commit everything into His hands. yep. it's really by no coincidence that all these happened. like i was so totally blown off by this whole thing.

yf today was a skit and when it was the debrief of the skit, linus was saying alot about sins and punishment like how inevetible it is cos even tho God forgives us, but we still have to pay for the earthly punishment of sins/crimes and then how God doesn't tempt us, but instead we are constantly tempted by satan (james 1:13-14) and sth that impressed my heart was romans 9:19- 21 Thou wilt say then unto me, Why doth he yet find fault? For who hath resisted his will? Nay but, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why hast thou made me thus? Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honor, and another unto dishonor?

who are we to judge God when we are created by Him? yeah, indeed, it's like your masterpiece suddenly tells you (if it's ever alive, that is) why am i imperfect? why am i so ugly? it's all your fault!

yeah. and linus challenged us with the great commission at the end as a check whether we have been focusing on the right things in our lives. (like isn't wad we claim in crusade as a ministry?)

like this is so TOTALLY AWESOME. yeah. cos my God is so BIG, that nothing can faze him. yay.


i seem to not know you anymore. like i really don't know wad came over you, or is that really your true colours?

really, you are not the edward that i know nor once loved. my mind is in a whirl now and im so confused. was all that i see a facade? or are you acting this just to spite me?

i would really hate to lose you as a friend, but at the rate you are going, you are really going to be on my boycott list.

yeah. i really dunno wad else to say, since i doubt u'll actually listen to any of us now anyway.


im not going to let my life revolve about thinking about you. heh. and putting myself in a dilemna. yep.

maybe God's waiting for me to say this line a long long time ago. how long am i to further induldge in hoping for something in a potentially ungodly relationship and deluding myself that he's indeed the one for me?

yeah. i should have been more mindful of it, knowing fully well that satan's at work in hoping to destroy the good and perfect Plan.

yeah. anyway, im glad to be out of it for the time being and hopefully to stay that way for the long term.

yep, u'll nv know when ur testimonies are an encouragement to the people around you. thanks melodie! (even tho i just happened to be around.)

P.S God is good! just read my pervious posts and He has indeed helped me in "forgetting" him. hahaha. :))