this post's to reply fullstop, hu had tagged abt his/ her views on that post. (cos i realised replying on tagborad will only spam it.)


point 1. i have to sae is that the post is not trying to pinpoint hu's being the 'good' and the 'bad' christian here. im not saying that we as christians are perfect but we are to strive for perfection as our Lord Father is perfect.and at the same time, no man can judge a fellow brethen, other than God, for He knows our thoughts and deeds, even before they first form as thoughts in our heads. for eg. i could be wearing sch uniform to church on a sunday cos i went to school before that. someone whom im not close to comes along and says, u shouldn't wear sch uniform on a sun. like if given a choice, i would rather go to church in my home clothes right? like i would want to wear my sch uniform 7 daes a week like that.


point two. u can't expect mi to shout from one end of the sanctuary to the other just to prevent the brother- or sister-in -Christ on the other end who are doing wadever they are doing becos, first of all, it is embarassing to everyone, second, it spoils the mood to continuing to worship the Lord after that.


point three. doesn't mean that i never record it in my blog means i have never done so. must i type every detail in my blog so u noe wad is going on exactly? if that is the case, must i type in all my posts wad time i wake up, how long i take to bathe each morning and wad are the exact words i said in the whole of that dae just to noe the life im living and etc.? if that's the case, no one in this world with the right state of mind would want to open a blog cos it's readers want to noe every single detail of the author's private life, AKA invading the privacy and the right of the author.


point four. this situation doesn't happen only in my church but also in many others. read revelations for the consequences...


Rev 3:14 And unto the angel of the church of the Laodiceans write; These things saith the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the beginning of the creation of God;


Rev 3:15 I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.


Rev 3:16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew thee out of my mouth.


Rev 3:17 Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked:


Rev 3:18 I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayest be rich; and white raiment, that thou mayest be clothed, and that the shame of thy nakedness do not appear; and anoint thine eyes with eye salve, that thou mayest see.



point five. and since if there are many ppl in diff churches are doing so, am i to spilt myself into many parts so that i can go to all the services in singapore and in the world to remind these ppl not to talk or slp during service? this is definitely ridiculous and i felt that the fastest way to reach to the masses was thru my blog, becos it is on the internet and anyone, so long has an internet connection can read this post.
point six. therefore if my aim was to make it dynamic amongst my readers, i have to make it controversial so that ppl would be more aware of the problems. and hence might be touched by the Holy Spirit to make a difference in their own churches.


so if u , fullstop(or anyone else reading this)is still dissatisfied with my explaination, feel free to pose questions on the tagboard.


sheesh!


i forgot what i wanted to post about...stupid com...load so slow.


oh wells. one random fact: I HATE DNT. such a waste of my time.


and i've decided to get the $15 cactus for myself.


it's DNT time again. zzz.


DNT-ing.


im glad that's it's ending le..


whee!....juat a short post. =)


screwed eng oral as well.


oh wells. I ACTUALLY FORGOT WHAT I WANTED TO SAY LA...!!! zzz...


anyways..no use crying over spilt milk.


im surprised there's no waves forming now. maybe there is but i dun see it. wadevers. anyways...i hate those ppl's attitude. and i've said my piece online. if they still dun change, then dun blame mi for not giving them face or anything cos i did. too bad if they didn't read.


GOT TO DO MY DNT.zzz. if not im dead meat. wadever.


overslept again..but will go back sch later for eng O-lvl oral..zzz..i told u i have a slping disorder.


anyways..i woke up feeling quite pissed with myself..cos i was thinking y didn't i do sth on sun, i.e to scream at people who were making noise and sleeping during sermons..


I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!!!! dun they know that they have to be quiet before the Lord their God? if they are discussing abt the sermon( HIGHLY UNLIKELY), then fine..but they are not. if u ppl want to tok..u can jolly well walk out from any of the 3 doors that is located at the upper sactuarary (and even more downstairs..) and tok with ur friend for all i care..just dun disturb others who are listening la..it's so IRRITATING to hear whispers all around u and the worst part is that u INCONSIDERATE PPL have to force others to hear ur dumb lil conversation which we are SOOOOOOOO not INTERESTED TO HEAR.


AND THOSE WHO ARE HAPPILY SLEEPING IN THE PEWS DURING SERMONS. DUN THINK U ARE SPARED. so u understood that line that u have to be quiet before the Lord ur God. and so u think by slping u are not distracting other brothers- and sisters- in- Christ?? then YOU ARE SO WRONG!!!wad kind of example are u setting for those younger (in literal age and spiritual age) and weaker (in faith) than u?? if u think that u dun have to listen to sermons every week..then i would like to suggest to u two things.


first of all, dun come to church. the church do not need ppl like u to fill up and warm the pews with your body heat. sumore u noe that the air-cons in the sanctuarary needs to be changed as they have literally broke down cos it has been overworked providing a nice and cool time for u ppl to slp during sermons..and pity the rest of the congregation who had been listening faithfully and have to come up with u for the money needed for the air-con project.


next, i would like to suggest to u that u should be the Pastor of the church, since u think that u know enough bible knowledge to slp during sermons...Our Pastors have been faithfully serving in church until their bodies have come up with warning signs not to overwork anymore. so y dun u come and share the burdens of our Pastors so that they do not have to come up with sermons every other week so that they can recuperate well at home.


no wonder there are more and more ppl who left the church. wad kind of church is this? do u think that monetary gifts is enuff to build up a church? sorry but the raw truth is that the church is built up by us, people of the Lord, and not monetary gifts. and if we are so ugly and corrupted, wad would non christians feel about us as walking testimonies for our Lord? do u think that they will not know? u are claiming that this church is a bible- beliving church. sure, the values believed by the head of church are definitely bible based. but wad about the members? are they following the bible as it is? u say that other denominations are not as good(as in if the form of worship and ways of governing the church is biblical- based), eg. the charismatics. but how do u noe that they are not doing as well as u? there are churches whereby NO ONE EVER SLEEPS OR TALKS DURING SERMONS. shame on us.


will u then say that it's other church members' and friends' fault? for not able to keep focus on the sermon each week? then u are wrong. IT'S OUR FAULT. FOR NOT REMINDING THEM NOT TO TALK OR SLEEP OR DOING ANYTHING ELSE OTHER THAN LISTENING AND TAKING DOWN NOTES. if eveyone in church thinks it this way, there will not be a change for the better and those interested in knowing the Lord will soon leave.



P.S sorry if my tone is wrong for an english essay...but my point here is not to write an essay on what i feel, but to wake these ppl up. so therefore i do not feel sorry for my rudeness in this post cos i could be even nastier if i wanted to.


oh wells.


i realised that sch's good. occupies ur time and makes u do sth so u won't be bored doing nth at home.


maybe that's the purpose to y we even have a society. to fill up the emptiness of not doing anything. to have an adreline rush after overcoming the stress level that ppl created for themselves.


sick ppl.


oh wells...at least those stuff keeps u occupied from any unwanted thoughts..argh...im torn in between. zzz


supposedly in sch...but im at home...


cos i couldn't slp..as i took a nap at night and was thinking of some stuff then cannot slp...lol...


wells. i dunno wad i should type here.


oh...supposed to find picts for my dnt. and im blogging.zzz.


therefore i conclude that blogging is rather bad for the mental health. =)


zzz...im tired..and i noe i haven't updated in ages.


updates: i realised im cross- eyed when im looking at far objects. i survived with 2 hours of slp. i survived the stress that dnt and publicity gave mi yesterdae. i realised that im not gg to make it for Os marking in time.i realised that i will puke and have gastric pain when im stressed. i have 11 pots of cacti and 2 other 'normal' pots of plants on my document tray..and i still wan that $15 cactus from ikea even tho there's no space to put anymore pots of anything...


well...and im supposed to do my dnt. okies..will do first before i slp la....zzz....but im drifting off to lala land already le...lol.


God works in a miraclous way that we, with human intellegience can never fathom.


God has been so merciful to mi..at least 4 times to mi within a short span of 3 daes..from sending rain down to wash off the charcoal grafitti at the chalet to my O-level chinese results to my sinus and of course answering my prayers...


not that i dun praise Him in trying times..but then the joy of God turning things to wad u wan is so..good, can i say liaddat...yar...


at least i think God's trying to tell mi that i should put my studies before relationships. so therefore, i should just stop thinking abt the infatuations that i'm having towards some ppl and STUDY.


easier said than done.but i will not depend on my own strength, but on God's.


COS I WAN TO BE A SURVIVOR. not for myself, but to glorify God.


tired and sick after chalet.


wadever. dun feel like blogging after all..zzz.


current location: mac's @ downtown east.


unexpected right?lol...mi having class chalet..but then all the girls went home and the guys were either sleeping or playing the x-box or watching them play...lame right? then no entertainment...


and i learnt quite alot about my class thru this...but i had to sacrificed the time spent with my extended family...like i totallie forgot about it la..and then memories cascaded down my mind about the times mi and my cousins had while we were at the chalet for some reason...


missed the times mi and my cousin would talk through the night whenever we met la...cos i wasn't able to tok to the guys that i noe in this manner...like even tho we had almost no similar experiences in life, we were able to understand and 'comnnect' to each other as if we belong to the same world...and as if close cousins since young...


still remembered how i 'confiscated' the beer away from him and how i spilt it all over my converse shoes and also how the uncles and our dads laughed when he made a comment that i was cute...cos he's a year younger than mi..


lol. i made myself sound that im a couple with my cousin..lol..maybe....if he was just a somebody that i noe, we wouldn't noe that we could 'click' so well...and maybe, we wouldn't even have crossed paths in our lives...


wells..in short..he's just as good as any girlfriend that i have and he's always to protect mi esp. when any guy bullies mi...heh.


back.


national dae celebrations were...boring i can sae...but at least the cake decoration thing we came in first...to think the most unwilling class in the whole level to get first lor...lol...and of course there were teachers and students not happy that we got first...like the last class getting first for these useless things and not putting focus for more important things...u noe...


saw the '88 ppl coming back to visit teachers and all...then i saw the ppl whom i had a crush on at one period of my 5 years in TK. lol...quite funnie to see them la...


and pat was encouraging mi to be closer to the crush i had in sch...cos her sis said that he's a nice guy..which i agreed...but then i told her that i can't like him as in a bgr type cos christians can't be together with non-christians...cos the bible says so..then she was like huh..so sad..


and then we were talking about him and guys being hot tempered when boarding the bus and the topic changed to us gg to downtown east tomorrow and amirul's bad experience about the pepsi ride at escape...


yars..nid to rush my stoopid folio and my outreach tract proposals. tahnk God cm and jas's helping mi out with the proposals.


i wish i could say out loud that i like u. but i dun have the courage to sae and to face the consequences. and i can't reallie stop thinking abt u.


argh. so irritating that i can't help but to think of u.


kinda stressed now...with the publicity deadlines coming on tight...and dnt submission so near...


and then i have mental blocks. the past seemed so far away from mi, like they never seemed to be my own personal memories and experiences and the present seemed to be so far from me no matter how hard i try to focus and the future seemed so bleak...like there's nth for mi.


im not trying to make this post a depressing one..but somehow...while typing...i seemed to be more and more depressed.


maybe i should make an effort to pray abt all these. but i can't clear my thoughts and argh...procrastinate abt it..and..i dunno wad's wrong with mi.


im screaming in my head, 'spare mi of this agony, please someone.'


i hate O-levels. wadever.


room too hot for comfort therefore woke up like 6 plus...


then i was thinking about quite alot of things..from him to why i dun want to go visual comm now, to outreach propoasl (like i impromtu-ly said sth for one of my ideas which made mi think on the deeper side...), to the pros and cons of being a fasion consultant and to some comments about this blog and also trying my hand at making a blogskin using the picts for outreach...yeah...

i noe this blog is super personal and i dun reallie intend to change...cos this blog is a personql reflection of mi, and if i were to write sth that's not mi...then i might as well not write rite? cos my objective is not to gain popularity, as a witness to my life and thoughts...like having to be accounttable to this blog and it's readers..sth liaddat. u get wad i mean la.


argh. stupid laptop. connection died. post disrupted.


kaes. done. irritant sia.. have to change com too before sending..think my modem is kinda screwed up cos it's overheated as i never off the modem..if not i dun have internet connection...argh.


time to change tt irritating modem.


hmm..


spending so much money on food nowadays....sigh...im officially broke.


spent that $20 that was meant to buy my pot for my furry plant..i noe it dun cos so much...but i was planning to get the other furry plant that i liked so much at giant la..


worst thing is that i can't finish wad i buy..then throw away...like so waste la...zzz....im like such a spendthrift...so much for mi trying to save the $600 that i withdrew when i was in the 1st yr of sec 3....i guess i will spend it all away again.


and im not in a mood to study...and prelims are like so near..and the whole world's bugging mi to study. and i dun feel like doing visual comm. le...maybe i wanna be a fashion consultant. lol...so much for that. i told u i was fickled minded.


wadeva....shall go clear my table and maybe im inspired to study...later....


sabotage by class ppl during CE lesson.


so who on earth reads my blog?


actuallie, i dun care so long u dun harass mi after reading my posts. like it's none of ur business wad im doing unless u and i consider each other as close friends.


yaawn. im tired. oh. jasmine and julia, this is not a depressing post. so u two can come back read le....lol...cos ur moods will not be affected by mi le.


outreach meeting after sch. im tired la. zzz.



first design. and one more to go ya? maybe the outreach com might like this more.


i dunno la...anyway...jasmine's helping mi or rather, teaching mi adobe tml..yay. then i can get things done faster...anyway..i regretted playing yahoo! games while having adobe lessons in sec 2...i guess u'll nv noe when the skills u learnt comes in handy...


i nearly killed myself yesterdae after i went offline.


wadevers. no one cares. maybe there will be rejoicing in the family since they long deemed me as problematic. maybe they will get bck together cause im no longer around to break the family up.


anyway...i dun trust them anymore. they already lost my trust years ago. if they want to noe y im liaddat, it's because they made mi become liaddat. and i dun want to say wad's the incidents...cos it will only cause mi more pain.


im trying not to think about them anyone...dwelling on them won't help; instead it will hurt even more.


im not inmune to that. no one is.


i dun want to come home. coming back only makes mi think of all the problems that i have and the dae is wasted cos i will only cry myself to slp and before i noe, a new dae have begun.


moodless to study. maybe i shouldn't have retained. cos it's not a good time to face all my problems just before my prelims and O-levels.


will my life be ruined forever cos i didn't dare to speak up wad's troubling mi years ago?


oh wells i better start doing my stuff for outreach first...before i start thinking abt anything and cry myself to slp again.


shit. i feel like crying again. cos i saw daryl online.


i hate myself for that. cos i can't stop once i start. wadevers.


i just felt like crying cos i dunno y actuallie....maybe cos he was trying to see wad's wrong in my life and i was crying before that.


wadevers. just get mi out of of here. and if anyone's reading this, pls dun ask mi y am i acting like this now kaes? cos i reallie dun feel like saying and i think i might end up crying again and maybe i might tell u when i feel when im ready..which might not be so soon. ya.