disillusionised soon.


he threatened mi once again to kick mi out of the house. like do u think i care? i had contemplated suicide since when i was 8...but it was the thought of how to face Jesus if i reallie died that held mi back from the railings and the heands of mine from tightening the blanket around mi.


i dunno how to carry on now. maybe im still quite headstrong. but im trying to break that wall around mi..but then im not sure if it was the choice. i fear being a burden to the ppl ard mi.


if only i could run away from all these.


i dunno how. but i noe that im going to break if i dun get away.


crying. not because of wad im in. but i felt that animals and plants are such an underpriviledged grp of living things. im crying cos im reminded by a cat which was knocked down by a car and ws laid at the side of the pavement. at least that driver had a conscience to put it at the pavement so that it won't get hit by any other cars...but wad about other animals who got knocked downed by vehicals and just left there on the roads to die a slow death and finally got so flattened to be part of of the roads...and plants being ill-treated cos they were thought to have no feelings and just there to replenish the oxygen in the air.


i noe i've said that before and i noe im sentimental. but's wad's the point? all tok but no action makes no difference to the current situation.


wish i could chuck all these back to the wardrode full of rotting skeletons and not care a hoot abt them. but i know that it is impossible and i have to face them one dae, whether i like it or not.


hmmm...got over him le...but then the flame of an old crush is re-ignited


hmm...wadevers.im trying to get over the person, not because i dun wan to get another lecture from him (anyway...is not hu u think it is...), but then i dun want to get involve in a relationship that i can't promise that i won't hurt him cos i've hurt and been hurt from past relationships and i feel that im not that prepared to involve in another relationship cos my relations with ppl is in a horrid mess.


anyways...for those hu sat ard mi on sun would have known that i scolded two ppl during service for talking loudly.im not going to mention names unless u dunno the persons involved or u are one of my very close friends in church...is like wadever i say now is not going to help much and then im not defending myself in any case id u think im wrong.br>

but seriously i reallie felt that i should have embarassed the two of them and also 'shun bian' scold any others who are doing other things that to worship the Lord with all their hearts, souls and minds during service on the Lord's day. so angry with them la...like i feel that these people came to church is to socialise cos they were forced to come church cos God said so.


if that's the case, i rather they not come to church to tok and distract other worshippers who go to church to worship God with all their hearts, souls and minds. cos by doing so, they are forcing the brethren around them to listen wad their conversation is about and by that if u didn't happen to realise that u are causing interested worhippers to draw their attention away from God and U ARE CAUSING THEM TO FALL by LISTENING TO UR RUBBISH. which could be said after church or on msn/ phone/ sms and even in school! and not as if ur conversation is abt Jesus or anything. iT's like GOSSIP.


after scolding them, i lost the joy to worship the Lord cos Jesus said that we would have to let go all our angriness before we could worship Him..and im not the person to let go my angriness within a second. SEE THE CONSEQUENCES OF WAD U DID.


IM STILL PISSED WITH YOU. PISS MI OFF ONE MORE TIME AND I'LL MAKE SURE U REALLIE GET IT FROM MI. even in service this time. cos my mom was shocked that i didn't scream at the top of my voice at u two. so be GLAD that i didn't humiliate u two yesterdae.


zzz.haven't even started blogging and mom wans mi to get off the com. wadevers.


anyway...im tired and i do wan to slp.argh. will think of wad to do for second proposal without the com and i will scan the pict in tml lors....


mom's irritating mi with 'i can't....' stuff....wells...have to hook up the internet for that laptop...if not i will have incessant nagging ard my ears..and i can't do anything with that.


chaoz!


i realised that i liked him alot.


maybe it's an obsession. maybe it's an infautaion. or maybe it's him.


i dunno. i feel weird (or incomplete.) without looking at him.and maybe they will get a shock when they noe it's him, or actuallie, they won't.


i dun reallie care now. relationships are not tht impt to mi now. as they did in the past. maybe i will let it be done in God's timing.


GOING BEACH TOMORROW!!!yay...im going to get my tan back...hopefully...whee....and i think chi wen's said she will come for a lil while..hehe... =) that's wad good ex-pe partner cum sister-in- Christ is for..yay.


going to sleep le...if not i can't wake up to meet jasmine later...zzzz...to lala land and hopefully i can meet my prospective husband there...lol...joking only.


oh ya...maybe i shall announce sth... im planning to go on a mission trip right after my Os then maybe come back for yf camp then after that go for another one again...then come back take O-level results...ya...quite meaningful huh?but it means that i won't be able to spend time with my friends le...but then again...i want to be exposed to how mission work is done and all...cos i was thinking i might join OM or some other missionary organization after studying or sth. yep.


EEEK!!!IM SO DISGUSTED!!!!!!!!


wadevers...for those ppl hu haven't heard about my secret admirer in class...gd for u...cos im like totally freaked out by his actions...!


and now i've received weird sms-es from another secret admirer!!! ARGH!!zzz...


think i've prayed for it last time when i was a young and naive girl hu thinks that romance is almost everything in life...so i shall not complain abt it now...since God has heard my prayers...


and im quite glad that i didn't like him (not the one in my previous posts) anymore cos to mi he's like a spoilt brat hu has extreme mood swings. not that i hate him now...but then his mood swings and pettiness are like even worse than gurls having pms...(maybe a lil exaggerated...but u get wad i mean..)


maybe if he wasn't that petty...maybe i would consider liking him or sth, even tho he's a non-christian. (then i remembered that recently felt that i wasn't ready for relationships.)


hmmm....overslept.


seemingly...i have an inspiration from God to go into visual comm. and use my skills for mission work.
br>
hmm...if that's wad God reallie wants for mi i'll gladliy do it...and i will rejoice that He had shown mi the path that i should take on after my O's...


zzz...


back. anyways. THIS SKIN WAS MADE FOR MI BY JASMINE OKIE? lols. so she said i no nid have credits for this.


jealous rite? lol...i sound so bhb. anyway..i am. cos this is the 'skin of the dae' kaes?


tsk.so much to sae. but i dun feel like typing out. ya...u wan to noe more abt mi and wad's gg on in my life...just drop mi a line and ya...or go tok to mi lor...zzz


zzz...im tired. mentally and emotionally. which makes mi feel physically tired too.


wish this tiredness can be removed through sleeping. but apprently, it's not the case.


wadeva.


i dun wan to go sch. sheesh. i dun wan la..wadeva.


oh yeah. stop that stoopid thing la..im not gg to ask ye han to help mi with the artefact if he happens to be ard when im doing mine...so ya...


im so blushed. zzz.


oh shut up.


stop pretending that u care cos i feel suffocated with the stuff that u sae. i dun care and im not interested.


i have A.P and mood swings and too bad if u are not fine with it.


im wishing there's someone for mi. but im not hoping. cos i still dun have confidence in myself.


i wish that there's an escape route from this house which is no longer my home. ah Lord, when Thou comst?


lost in an ocean of feelings.


too much have happened. not on mi, but on my few closest friends.


the pain, anxiety, the loss, the angriness, the stress, the unfairness...i believe it would be too much for mi to bear if i was her. and yet, she, few years my junior, had to go through all this.


i would have definitely died if i was caught in that type of situation..but she didn't and i hope she won't cos in any case we would not let her.

God, if it is possible, let her not drink this cup. not our will be done, but as what we will, but as what thou will.

pray that all these would pass soon. with a happy ending.



to u:

bear this song in mind,

If He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders, i know my sister that He will carry u.

'Come unto Me, all who are weary, and I will give you rest'

im tired of being class chairman.


im tired of having to stay back for maths remidials.


im tired of filing my worksheets.


how i wish there's an easier solution. but im wishing for the impossible. trials are here for a reason which is to make us stronger.


oh wells. anyways, im in the outreach committee this yr. i noe that my prelims are at that time too..but i noe that God will see mi thru. anyways, i reallie hope that brigitte and jeremy (and hopefully chinling and pat...(but i noe they will and cannot go wan..=( ))will go for outreach...like even tho they may not accept Christ, but at least they will have a better understanding as to wad i do on sat when i mean 'church' when they ask mi go town on sat.


oh. my phone's mad. now can see full screen and colour when i slide down..and see half of the screen when i slide up. wells...better than nothing rite?


Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth

Would care to know my name

Would care to feel my hurt

Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star

Would choose to light the way

For my ever wandering heart



Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done

Not because of what I've done

But because of who You're



Chorus:

I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

A vapour in the wind

Still You hear me when I'm calling

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling

And You've told me who I am

I am Yours, I am Yours



Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love and watch me rise again

Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea

Would call out through the rain

And calm the storm in me


Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done

Not because of what I've done

But because of who You're



Chorus:

I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

A vapour in the wind

Still You hear me when I'm calling

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling

And You've told me who I am

I am Yours, I am Yours



I am Yours

Whom shall I fear

Whom shall I fear

'Cause I am Yours

I am Yours



Chorus:

I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

A vapour in the wind

Still You hear me when I'm calling

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling

And You've told me who I am

I am Yours, I am Yours

Labels: lyrics

i screwed up my chinese orals yesterdae. wadeva. im dead le.


mon's listening comprehension. and i can't listen properly...sheesh. there goes my chinese results.


had a blister on my thumb. cutting that stupid piece of aluminium then have that stupid blister and i was sweating like i've just run finish 2 km liaddat...then i went home and broke that thing. and it hurts.


oh ya...had some award presentation thingie today and then i just noe that chen xing is in RJ and he looked so cute la!!! much better than that i- dunno- wad -look- is -that..and he was wearing contacts...and i realised that rj ppl quite like to slang whether they can slang properly anot (based on the few ppl in noe from rj.).


i think i should clear the mountain of worksheets i have on my table...ya...post next time... on the things i did when im late this week.


i screwed up my chinese orals yesterdae. wadeva. im dead le.


mon's listening comprehension. and i can't listen properly...sheesh. there goes my chinese results.


had a blister on my thumb. cutting that stupid piece of aluminium then have that stupid blister and i was sweating like i've just run finish 2 km liaddat...then i went home and broke that thing. and it hurts.


oh ya...had some award presentation thingie today and then i just noe that chen xing is in RJ and he looked so cute la!!! much better than that i- dunno- wad -look- is -that..and he was wearing contacts...and i realised that rj ppl quite like to slang whether they can slang properly anot (based on the few ppl in noe from rj.).


i think i should clear the mountain of worksheets i have on my table...ya...post next time... on the things i did when im late this week.


i think i like him.


but then it dun feel like it leis...it felt more like admiration thos...


i dunno la. zzz. wells...i got all the time in the world to think abt that...


got sch tml...zzz. off to lala land!!!


hmmm.


'question wad ppl sae to u', 'most ppl speak with desires in mind'.


hmm. food for thought after a conversation with khairul.


am i too gullible? i dunno. but one thing im quite certain is that maybe i should give that job a miss...even though it's $200/hr and it's kinda flexible.


oh wells.i've got no idea. zzz.


im tired. not literally.


im rather desperate for cash now.im trying to have extra allowance and also save up money for my future travel expenses if i were to go globe- trotting, that is.


sighs. im not too sure if i should take up that job. all i asked had advised mi not to lors. but then...wad else can i do to earn that lors.


now i understood that verse. 'no man can serve 2 gods.' therefore i have to make a tough decision. but then the catch is that the job is $200/hr la...(i told ya wrong info..srry..)


sheesh.i dunno la!!!


for the first time...sch ended early.


so i went out with brigitte and jeremy to bishan. then i realised i forgot to re- sit for my physics paper.


wadeva. went sakae sushi. and they were psyco-ing mi to like/ go steady with the friend (his name is jit cheong.) so that next time we all go out then will be double date.


zzz. i dun fancy him...tho i admit that im interested in him as a FRIEND. i rather go steady with someone else than him anyways. wadever.


shit. i have sch in 6 more hrs. off to bed liao la! zzzz. im drifting off to lala land.


im so tired!!!


argh. i want to finish my artefact!! it's getting very interesting la. but then there's sth called maths lesson. wish i can drop tt stupid subject. i can't do any of the questions la...idiot.


glad it's fridae tomorrow. then i rememberd it's ben's birthdae tml. whee!!! happie birthdae ben!!! (i haven't tot of wad to get for u as a prezzie tho..)


im still thinking if gg to poly after my Os would be a good choice. hmmm. dunno la. maybe i should take photgraphy huh?


this course has been on my mind since very long ago lors. and i guess maybe it's the course for mi ba. dunno larhz.


oh wells. ppl have always asked wad is my aim in life and i always saed i dunno. but actuallie, i do have sth in mind...which is to globe- trot and experience life lors. sounds silly huh? i dunno larhs.


like wad i always sae, i dunno lors. take things as it comes. ya?


im happie gurl again! =)


not cos of anything else...just im able to praise God willingly and with all my heart soul and mind on a weekdae!! isn't that cool?


been on an emotional roller coaster last week when i was ill....reflected some stuff that i was not able to let go...even tho i have not exactly let go of them..but at least...im trying to let go and not hide it in a closet and pretending that nothing had happened like i did for all these years.


well..so much to sae..but i dunno wad to sae....hmmm..uncle sam's teaching mi guitar...but then he feels very paiseh when pro-er ppl like linus, david, brandon, john foo, wilfred and daryl pass by us...cos he feels that he's not good enuff for them to see him teach mi.lol. anyway...i noe how to play 2 diff. song verses and 2 songs on the guitar!! haha..cos it's simliar chords and the strumming are almost all the same...i noe im lousy la...but i dun have the sense to pick up 'stummings' la. =p


oh ya. im always late for sch again. wadevers. and im always out with brigitte and jeremy.and most of my school daes have dnt. im SO GONNA FLUNK MY DNT for O-LEVELS. and i have important oral exams coming up REAL soon.


and not forgetting i have loads of crushes on diff ppl. which is bad. and then i noe i must forget abt them. which is so hard. i hate sth called bgr. if only if i can transfer the crushes i have for them to my books, i believe i would have been in vj (or somewhere else.) with uncle sam, priscilla and val by now and not stuck in this sch. ARGH!