*blushes*


i have never felt this way for so long. to be a 'damsel in distress' and to be saved by a 'hero'.


the last time i was 'rescued' from some bullies, it was when i was in pri. sch..and was saved by my cousin. this time was being hurled some vulgarities by this guy (let's call him guy A..)..and a guy (let's call him guy B.. 'saved' mi from this.


so touched by it la...but then again..maybe guy B didn't like guy A...and so asked him to shut up la...


heh...was drawing names in class..(mentioned tt in my last post..) and decided to put one here...one of my master pieces...and it became better thanks to brigitte for doing the colour rendering...(im super bad at tt...) but that has became a subject of controversy...see for urself lor!


wadeva...can't load the pict..so sorry guys!


i wanna learn korean!!!


wanna learn that a few yrs back le..cos i think it's quite cool...and i LOVE korean shows la..so it would be good to learn the lingo...ya?


ya...and truncated sux la...was like dozing off in lessons...and not reallie learning anything too..drawing names on my notes and blank paper....love to draw names cos it would be good to practice on them...in case next time ppl ask mi to draw then at least noe how to draw nicer la...


wadeva.sch sux.bleh. and i still have a long way to go before it ends.


whew!!!!


chinese Os was wasn't as bad as i tot..but i had a bad start before the paper...cos i forgot to take my dictionary to sch...realised it when i when sch la...then tot i would be late....in the end waited super long for the paper to start....thank God!!!!


then when i was doing my paper one halfway...i realised that i dreamt of writting the essay la!!!(first time i remembered my dream which came true while the thing was happening la...) so i happily wrote the stuff that i dreamt...haha..dunno whether i wrote out of point anot though...


changed back to the original stud..cos the purple stud stinks..(literally...) so i dunno la..change back first then say la....


I WANNA GO CHURCH CAMP LA!!!!!and retreat..(rather impossible la...) but even if i can go...how about my chimpy???can't possibly bring her go lor...so notti wan...and my family members will not be in s'pore too during my church camp...ah!!!!


i will learn to trust in God that He will give mi the perfect solution...


they all coming back.


all that i've been trying to run away from are all coming back.feel that im going to suffer a breakdown soon.


all these years..i tried to act nonchalent...pretending not to noe and care about the things that are happening around mi..hoping not to get involved and therefore will not be injured. my usual self, is just a facade, hoping to elude myself and deceive the ppl around mi that i care for.


is it wrong to be self-defensive?


when things start to crumble on mi..i realised that i dun even noe wad im acutally running away from. is it from reality? or is it myself?


my refuge. where can i turn to? God seems to beckon mi to Him...but i feel ashamed to put down that pride of mine to ask him to help mi to see wad reallie am i running from and to change mi...


feel so unworthy to let God use mi..even tho He said that he will accept a broken spirit and a contrite heart and messed- up lives...


i can't feel the love. not even for a jiffy. my faith in God is tested. yet im not sure if i could come out of this unscathed. i dun have that much of a confidence in Him or myself.


hate myself. for a thousand and one reasons which i could not come up with.


where is the love that they say? where is the love that they claimed to have given to mi? are they just lies or words out of courtesty? i dun feel loved, instead as a burden to them. maybe i dun have a purpose. i dun know.


oh...dennis' back from the U.S!!!


yay...cos it means that daryl will be back soon when church camp starts...but then he will be gg up with them to m'sia...


and im not gg m'sia la...cos i didn't sign up for church camp...but then hopefully someone last min back out..then i can go le...but then my dear chimpy will starve to death in s'pore...cos she only eats when i feed her...and im not sure if that miss seah will call mi down for extra dnt lessons during the one and only one wk of my offical hols... =p so i dunno lors....


crashed julia's yd class today cos i forgot there's no yd class todae...quite awkward...should have joined jasmine and serene lim's class...cos at least i noe the both of them...ya...anyway...it was quite a refreshing lesson for mi....cos this yr felt SUPER far away from God..even tho i noe He's just beside mi..walking with mi everydae..thank God for that...


tot the message was good todae...yep...speaker's lyd's dad, uncle george khoo...and of course learnt some and forgot the rest...=p


think that's all for now...nid some slp now so later can study better for chinese tml...will update whenever possible...(then i rmbed saying in a previous post tt i should declare a hiatus from the com due to O-lvl chinese...wadeva...)


i reallie should stop thinking if i still like him..


cos now i reallie can't get him off my mind..and i reallie shouldn't like him..cos heard he got gf wan..and i reallie dun like to be involved in anything..


anyways...I WANNA WATCH X-MEN III!!!!!!! but i got no time and no money...argh!!!!!even my movie buff friend gave a rating of 4.5/5...


but x-men can wait...cos chinese Os are far more impt than that...ya..and im reallie feeling the stress now.but then after chinese Os..i'll be having EXTRA LESSONS!!!save mi!!!argh!


-random- i love my chimpy!!!!! [=


dun wish to noe anything le.


i dun noe if i still liked him. i dun noe y they labelled mi ap and with mood swings when i didn't even do anything. i dun noe why the sch sux. i dun noe wad's gg on around mi.


dun noe and dun care.why can't things be more simple?


i think im going crazy at this rate.gah.


heh.


im not too sure if i liked him still.im a fickle gal.(someone's gonna be upset reading this.)


wadevers.


im not too sure i should be happie or be crying...cos 2 malay gals who look like 15 called mi 'girl' la...lol..im sure i dun look that young anyways. =p


oh.maybe i wanna go mj after all..but then..im not too sure if im up to it.cos with my horrid results, i can't even go anyway...including ite.


so much for that.


it's CHINESE TIME.


6 days more to chinese Os.


idiot.haven't been revising...and there's so much to do la! dun even noe where to start from.


wadeva.


feeling that ppl are hiding lots of stuff from me...even tho we may be quite close..like feeling so out- of- place...


maybe it's a blessing not to noe so much ba...but then...the feeling of being kept in the dark is definitely not good.cos it means that ppl dun reallie trust u..and then u can't help them...altho u wish to ba....


wadeva...i dun care anymore.cos if i cared, i wouldn't be myself anymore.


Sally jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: "How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?"


The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it.


Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?"


The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university."


Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good-bye to her son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair


"Would you like a lock of his hair?" the nurse asked.


Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.


The mother said,"It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the university for study. He said it might help somebody else. I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom." She went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could."


Sally walked out of Children's mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car. The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room. She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.


It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said: "Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say I LOVE YOU. I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what! , Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good-bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him?' "God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children. Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm, sure the food will be great. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?
,br>
Signed with Love from: God, Jesus &Me.




A cool story...tot i would share with u ppl.


darn. i hate tk.


cos got extra lessons for 2 weeks during june hols.and it's like a 'normal' sch dae. start at normal time and end at 1 la!!!!grr...AND I CAN'T GO FOR RETREAT LA.NOT EVEN AS PART-TIMER LORS...GRRR...


ya...and tk is full of RUDE PPL. okie..not exactly rude...but it's NO MANNERS. wonder how their parents teach them...or maybe the parents themselves dun have manners at all. sheesh. i hate these ppl. spoil my mood wan lor.


oh...i do feel like burning the sch la.idiot. irritating.but of course not literally.


in foul mood now. cos im irritated. and i dun reallie wan to sae la.


anyways. i regretted for telling brigitte they all that i like winnie da pooh. wadeva. dun feel like doing my dnt or revising for chinese Os.idiot.


oei homunko, some one just called u cute in the last pict.


lol.just saeing only. no hidden agenda.


had dnt today. started practical today. and seah said my hols are gone to do dnt. great.


lunched with brigitte and jeremy. and somehow jeremy started to palm- read. and he was kinda shocked to read mine. cos he said that i will never get married cos the 'forunate line' never touch the other line at all...wadeva. dun really care. or maybe i should start caring ar?


changed my stud le...but in the end i dun reallie like.but will not change back cos i change the stud tt time, pus started coming out again..so if dun have infection..will not change lor...until i get my next stud.



eee!!!!sho cute worx!


=) he's the first guy! =) cute hors? but he do look like small boy la..but hu cares..?


lol. and i should sae the third guy looks okie too right? cos he's my classmate..and i must sae sth nice..if not think if he read this will suan mi wan...(but then he will still suan mi whether i sae tt anot.)


still wondering wad will he sae to mi. (if he eva tok to mi. that is.cos i heard that he scolded someone for liking him.hmm.)


im totallie an I.T idiot.


therefore im thankful for brigitte. cos she help mi get that pict for mi. of him.


heh.


oh. thank God that i didn't reallie felt malu-ed on the bus todae...even tho we kinda sat on the same 'bench'...cos he was slping...and he looked so cute!!! but then only stole a few glances at him cos im quite afraid that he will wake up and find mi staring at him.ya...


ya...wasn't late for sch...cos i literally ran all the way from the bus stop to sch...but he was..then everyone was asking mi y i never wait for him and late together...aaaaaaaa.....like i can afford to be late..cos late too many times liao lor...and i dun want to malu myself in front of him again...


wadeva. just realised i spend loads of time talking about winnie the pooh. =p cos he's so cute ma.


in a moment, it's gone.


zoom.gone, and nv found again.


sounds so cheem and tata..life's precious and fragile.


y do ppl want to commit suicide?? i dun understand.reallie.even tho i may have entertained suicidal thoughts many times in the past.


over bgr?over stupid things of being cool?or isit over peer pressure? or issit that they can't find the purpose in life?or they can't see the way out of their troubles?


i dunno.


suicide. the option to end ur own life.is it reallie the only way out?i dun think so.


we all have heard of ppl struggling to keep themselves alive, yet these ppl have chosen to give up their chance of living.even the lowest of all creatures struggle to keep themselves alive, no matter wad they face.have u ever heard of animals committing sucide becos they have no food, being abused by ppl or that the habitat is being destroyed by ppl?


life has to go on no matter wad happens rite? i dun suppose i should kill myself just because i dun have a bf or my relative passed away or my friends' lives are better than mine or my parents' marriage are on the rocks rite?...


so ridiculous...and i believe this chinese phrase '雨过天晴', which means that the sun will be out after it rained.and God will always see us thru trying periods. =)


felt i had to post this cos i read on shan's blog about her sis's friend brother who died recently becos of an accident. and he's only 15. a teenager, who could have a long way to go in life.


so y are we all wasting our time, our lives?


sentiments of the dae: never doubt God wad He can do in ur life.


felt that God's truly amazing..not that i don't feel that on other daes..but it was especially strong after i watched 'renovate my house'...where this episode helped a rural eastern texas christian community build an out reach house.


normally this programme (and other programmes) help ppl to rebuild their houses..but this time round...they took up the challenge to build an outreach house for this extraordinary community...which is so cool...


and if u want to noe why this is so cool, it is becos the community of 21 families have adopted 70 over children who are abandoned and are destitute and welcomed them into a house of love...


and by God's grace, these lives have been changed as the programme gave them new furniture and toys to each families, who cannot afford them as they do not have extra money for that.


thank God for that. cos He reminded mi that He is the all powerful, all mighty and all knowing God, who would never leave His chidren in the lurch. and to have faith in Him for He have a perfect plan for mi.


so the gals in my class gave my crush a nic: winnie da pooh.


wadeva.like i care. asked God to gave mi a sign if i should like him..and it seems that He gave mi an answer: no. becos i missed the bus today that i normally take...and he always take that bus..by coincidence.


so wadevas.


i feel like im the biggest idiot in the whole wide world. cos i failed 6 subjects. damn.


grrr...


so irritating la! cannot upload photos on my stupid website.wadeva....


failed all those that i got back: BORDERLINE!!!!


wad la!! feeling quite crap la....maybe God wants to show me tt i shouldn't study last min...like 5 o`clock in the morning...okie.


anyway supposedly to be doing my dnt.great... maybe i should will myself to declare a hiatus from the com...till o-lvl chinese is over.


grrr...


so irritating la! cannot upload photos on my stupid website.wadeva....


failed all those that i got back: BORDERLINE!!!!


wad la!! feeling quite crap la....maybe God wants to show me tt i shouldn't study last min...like 5 o`clock in the morning...okie.


anyway supposedly to be doing my dnt.great... maybe i should will myself to declare a hiatus from the com...till o-lvl chinese is over.


back...


supposedly the end of exams...but i still have to RETAKE my 5 papers...okie wadevas...


went out with brigitte and jeremy (like most of the time right?) yesterdae...cos it was like the end of the main papers... =) the friend somehow died..nvm...felt better without him anyway...


brought out the digi cam and did photo taking for that sweet lil couple...and of course did retarded picts too...oh well...that's us ya?the good thing of being young.


oh...brigitte was making a statement that mi and her look older than jeremy...(btw..we are all same age..) and was commenting that he should stop looking so childish.. lol.


ya...and me and jeremy were luffing at some silly stuff when brigitte's all huffed and puffed up..but of course i luff at him too..or rather the two of them...cos they are so cute.


now i made myself a silly goseberry between them..


haha...will post the picts when i upload them...or can go see brigitte's blog.(links)


and i shall end here..in case if i type sth tt sounds wrong then i can forget abt living le...


http://www.freewebs.com/gillie-craze/index.htm


trying out only...and nth much. =)


haha...went ahead to get it done...cos the guy say the promotion's gonna end soon...like the tongue's already back to normal price....and he said that the naval might be the next to go...


wasn't as pain as it seemed...in fact the moment the needle went in...it was much okay than i thought...darn. i shall not think of getting of getting any more naval piercing...cos it will look ugly liaos...


luffing at it when i look at it la...cos i dunno why...have to take care of my posture now..cos it hurts if u sit/ lie/ bend the wrong way...


so it actuallie makes u like a pregnant woman when u are trying to minimise the pain when u do anything...well the consequences have to be bored la...


so my advice to all hu wan pierce their navals...pierce if u are willing to look like a pregnant woman during the healing time lor...


oh ya...im almost recovered le as i had lots of rest for the few daes that i was ill..thanks to all hu are concerned about me...cos i never go take my papers todae...woke up at ten this morning....well...must reallie study le...so must have a good night's slp!!


exams. sick.


wad a nice combination of the two.sigh..


down with high fever yesterdae....and didn't go sch todae for my physics paper cos i was feeling like crap and i didn't even study at ALL...


got 2 daes mc...so maybe will not go for my papers tml...see how first la...


i wan go pierce naval la...but of course i still feel sick and i dun really have enough cash to pierce right at the moment...will go next week ba...


cat's been jumping onto tables to spill water....and she broke a cup todae....wadeva...


feel like sleeping le...sheesh...will go slp ba.. =) and just die tml...


sheesh!


after announcing that i dun feel like crying today...i now feel like crying again!


WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL MI THAT I SAW HER EVERY DAE AT THE BUS-STOP????!!!!wadever...i feel like killing ppl now...


should have been suffocated to death on the bus todae la...then i'll make the wildest headlines ever: 'Girl dies on overcrowded bus due to ppl not willing to move to the rear of bus'. and i will never noe the true identity of her.


having exams currently...will end on the dae before vesak..that is next thurs...so far cleared the whole of eng, chinese paper one and two and geog paper two.....pathetic la...gonna flunk everything...ya...and hopefully i can go pierce my naval soon..not becos it's cool or wad...but becos im feeling super irritated( not with this gal and the other gal...) ...sorry julia...think i rather pay u the 60 bucks sia...


wondering with all my close brushes with death..am i gg to die soon? hmm....but i just can't let go of my evil cat la...she's like so cute...in her evil ways..but..anyways....im obsessed with her too...


shall go slp now....will study later....bb!