i so dun wanna post la..


no particular reason..but seriously...i hate ppl forcing mi to update...like hello..THIS is my blog and i reserve EVERY right to post or not....


basically..i hate ppl forcing mi to do stuff...(like hu does huh?) hmm..been sick this week..ya...haiz..and it's thursdae tml le...ya..bored...


oh...btw...i didn't reallie wan to sae this..but since rui sin has been suaning mi with my previous post...i have to sae...the part on the 'mie' and the 'hie' part was all fake...and it was by accident i typed 'mie' then i lazy change la...so i made up some parts...


like which blog dun have made up parts....go see brigitte's wan la!! esp all the slits on the wrist...all use adobe to make it redder...lol..okie..i just spilt the beans...argh! (oops..) =()


gah.

my eye's itiching like siao!!!!but i can't rub it...if not my eye will get worse and brigitte will scold mie too...cos i've got an eye infection this week.. =(


haha...i think im getting hooked with this 'mie' way of writting..which is adding a letter 'e' behind the 'i'..like 'hie'..haha..oh wells..all thanks to mr smiliey face...ya..andyway..he's not writting to mi anymore..which is kinda sad..cos it's so boring in class like nth to do...and it's nice expecting letters..u noe...esp. when u dunno hu the other person is... =)


haha...shall not make myself malu-ed anywhere liaoz...


i shall psyco myself into not liking anyone...cos it feels...very tiring to like them but at the same time...u can't profess ur love to them...like this thing kena choked in u and yet to can't spit it out..cos u dunno how the other person would react to that too....


im getting carried away..in my phobia...


do they have a word for that??


TGIFT!!yay!


heading into mess that i cannot comprehend.


sighz..feel that my life is getting into a mess..like Satan's having a tighter grip on mi...and i feel that the battle's going to end soon...most probably with an ending which i will hate.


i dunno la..


i feel like a failure todae..sighz...wished i didn't go sch todae...ya..could have not gone todae...had a irritating eye infection!!!ya...and better still..i lost the eye drops! gd right??


told u im a failure...but thank God that He didn't abandon me for that...


the truth suddenly dawned on mi during recess.


i didn't realise till now tt i actuallie have a phobia of guys. not phobia of guy friends..but it's like phobia of getting into a deeper relationship with them..maybe even just as close friend??


like so many stuff has happened till the point that i feel that it's so so hard to trust guys nowadays...


im feel so scarred...maybe i just won't get attached anymore....and maybe i shall not get married..ya...which means that i might just adopt a kid next time lorz..


i miss brigitte!!!sounds so les...anyway..i mean it as a friend...like it feels so weird without her ard...cos is i everytime nv come sch...not the other way round...argh!!! like i dun feel secure in sch without her...cos she's like one of the few ppl in sch tt are of my age la....


tt's so random...oh wellz...oh...so my conclusion is tt most prob is that i won't get married...tho i was yearning to get married when i was young...unless i can find that someone who would be able to make mi have a super good impression and make mi feel that he's the one for mi lors..yup.

lol...luffing out loud...

i noe u read my blog.from ur msn nick.


okie..i wanna apologize to u for my rashness for that post that dae...cos i was kinda mad with u...


i do hope that we still can be friends becos it will be awkward for the ppl ard us..those who are so close to both of us...i hope u get wad i mean..cos we do have to think abt other ppl cos this matter is not only between us..like it will indirectly involve them too..


just wanna to bury the hatchet and let bygones be bygones...ya?


and btw..i have gotten over u like dunno how long ago..and i will nv like my old crush again..if u wanna noe..and im speaking the truth.


haha.


got over him liao..like i so fickle minded...lol..


wanna noe the reason y? becos i forgot how he look like le...lame rite?but it's true...


i only remember is that he dun look reallie chinese and then i love his eyes...lol.and anyway...we can't be together....like im dun wan to be mentioned in his class by anyone anymore...


enough abt him le...anyways..we are gg sentosa later!!!!but...i dun feel like going...even tho was was still looking forward to it earlier this week...


should i go??sighz....


can't stop thinking abt you.


the way u talk, the way ur eyes sparkle when u talk, the way u act, the way u doodle...is just so...hmm..sweeps mi off my feet?...


sighz...i should ask myself to stop dreaming....cos it's just impossible for us i guess...


wished i've known u better last time..argh..cos things might have been different... =)


'GILLIAN GOH!!!wad on earth are u thinking???!' haiz...


sighz...


think im so so crazy....


can u eva have a crush on a guy that u talked face to face for a little more than 3 hrs and some msn conversations till the point where u can't do anything except to think of him...and u have insomia becos of him..literally.


i did. sheesh...i feel dumb...haha...sounds like im answering to his msn nic...wadever..


anyway...seems that i can't do anything without him..but i dunno if i should like him...sighz...cos he smokes? and the first few things that i look out for in a guy is that the person should be a christian and not smoke...lol...but of cos he does have his good points which is why im having such a huge crush on him...


'rules are meant to be broken'...hmm...i dunno laz...


and he's online!!!but im not chatting with him now..cos most prob is that he's gaming la..like y most guys would burn for la..


bet brigitte would just laugh at mi...for being stupid..lol...


oh btw..two current facts abt mi...my phone kena confiscated by the stupid chinese teacher due to that MISS SEAH (i dun care if she reads this anot..)..and im losing weight super fast..or is my weighing machine spoilt....cos im losing almost a kg everydae...and im almost 51 kg now..which is madness la...sians...like im fearing if there's sth wrong with mi...lol..


too many things changed in the hols.


i dun even noe how to go abt blogging la...sighs...


i wish that march hols never came...cos i guess i would be a spiritually happier person...even tho i may be complaining that im super tired physically...cos im tired in all aspects of my life...and i feel so...sighz...just wanna kill myself...cos i even so unworthy of God...ya..


but im glad i was able to talk to a friend whom i have a misunderstanding for a very long time like bare out my tots abt him..like straighten out all the stuff that we have la..


thank God for that.


i dun dare to wish now...not even on the stars...


im so glad that i did not like u anymore.


anyway..it's ur loss that u diao mi cos u have lost a friend...like it's my problem...


and i have come to noe the other side of u and im super glad i've got over u...and thank God that i noe that u're not the one for mi...


haha..like i will care if i have u as a friend or not...tsk...cos u're not the only guy on this planet...and btw...i dun think i would want u as a friend..cos u scolded my FRIEND...hmmmph..and all hu noe mi would kinda noe that friends are super important to mi..and of course i would not take it lying dowwn if u ill- treat my friend..


oh wells...feel like im over-reacting..heck la..im so not going to be bothered by him...cos im going out with my good buds tml!! yay...


so im so not going to let that affect my feelings...and enjoy the dae after my chinese remedial with my buds- lyd, julia, jas, act cute and sexy uncle sam, john and samantha... =)


so many nice christian songs around...


so i can't possibly feature them all of them...sians...
so for now i shall feature my current favourite song: Love crucified arose.


Long ago He blessed the earth

Born older than the years

And in that stall the cross He saw

Through the first of many tears

A life of homeless wandering

Cast out at sorrow's way

The Shepherd seeking for the lost

His life the price He'd pay


Love crucified arose

The Risen One in splendour

Jehovah, sole Defender

Has won the victory

Love crucified arose

And the grave became a place of hope

For the heart that sin and sorrow broke

Is beating once again


Throughout Your life You felt the weight of

What You'd come to give

To drink for us that crimson cup

So we might really life

At last the time to love and die

The dark and appointed day

That one forsaken moment when

Your Father turned His face away


Love crucified arose

The One who lived and died for me

Was Satan's nail - pierced causality

Now He's breathing once again

Love crucified arose

And the grave became a place a place of hope

For the heart that sin and sorrow broke

Is beating once again

Labels: lyrics

im so tempted.


okie...i AM already tempted...cos im HOOKed to the comp and the tV...


think that YW messages are reallie good..like it is catered more for the youths frm earlie teens to early twenties??


and i think that the message today was great lor...like very applicable in our lives....


imagine this...(quoted from the speaker mr andrew lee...) the discipline problems faced by high schools in the 1940's in the state of california were that kids were making noise...running in sch compouds...not obeying teachers like not throwing paper in the waste paper baskets...and in 1982, the discipline problems faced by high schools were arson, muder, rape and what- have- u- not...


k..i forgot wad i wanna type le...oh wells...test tml postponed....to tues..sians...im gg church study...kinda...


and im so happie that we have small grp outing altho so many ppl can't make it...I WILL ALWAYS LOVE CINNAMON '05 TO BITS AND PIECES....cos i think the ppl hu are in it are cool. yeah man...right?? =)


cos there's *lyd, JOOOOOOOlia, uncle sam, samantha, kwanie, tim, timmy, linus, joshua, ben, zhi qiang and not forgetting jon quek, shan and gracia..(cos they are bz ppl..so nv come for yf last yr..)


to the small grp leaders out there...go organise outings to bond ur members.. =) cos i sae so...JK JK!!! no la...cos it's good for grp bonding..and easier to have grp discussions when u noe the ppl in the grps better...


we all noe that...just dun have the time to organise outings right?? =p


hmm...


did some 'advertisement' for this blog...


so u noe the reason y u ppl are here.. =p lame mi...


anyways...i do hope that we may pray for one another..and grow as one in the body of Christ..


sounds so old-fashioned....but they are the truth..sort of ba...


not exactly in the right state of mind...cos im both physically and mentally tired...and u can see from my eyebags..


i love my chimpy!!!haha..so random... =) wells..nid to wait for my mom to tell her that there's almond paste...so i can't sleep yet...


and im so glad we are organising a small grp outing for cinnamon'05!!!but the sad thing is that both kwanie and jon quek are overseas right now...which means that they are unable to join us...but there will be a dae where the full grp will be able to join us for outing!!! and i do hope nissi will organise outings too...provided that they dun clash with my Os and all...


feel that im more reserved in this post cos maybe now ppl will come and read cos they might be coming to tag prayer requests and all...ya...


may have a blog for prayer requests...cos requests may not be read by all too...hmmm...see how well it goes la..cos must see if there is an overwhelming no of ppl to tag and all..then also cannot see too....ya..


k...think shall end my so random post...yups...ciaos!!!


SCARY!!!


can't believe that somthing happened downstairs la...


and i went to call the police...sheesh...


and my legs were like trembling like siao...hmmm....so scary la....


so glad that i have a cat..to make mi feel secure sia....phew...thank God....


i feel like killing myself...


like anyone will care rite???sheesh....i guess ppl will stop to ask why and then be on their way back to their lives and minding their own business..


haha...that sounds so depressing...im not being suicidal now....just that i feel like crap now....


becos i deproved...DEPROVED!!!!!!!!!!what's with mi man....grrr...and best part...failed my english..ENGLISH LEI!!!!!!!


grrr....should just bang my head and die la...oh on earth am i gg to vj with my so lousy marks la...sighz...I wan GO VJ!!!not becos uncle sam wans mi go la...but cos it's the nearest jc to my hse lor...cos got direct bus ma...(then i remembered srjc i also got direct bus..hmm.. =p)


should start studying le la...but im a procrastinator..sheesh...and i do wan to do lots of things during my hols...like to do ALL the due hw and go IKEA!!!!cos they got sales...and lots of places and to catch lots of sleep!!!


i just can't believe it!!!


too absurd la...


if u are wondering why...my friend just told mi that he wanna quit sch...like wad?!!!!


he haven't even got his basic cert yet la...and wad does he intend to do?be supported by his gf??


goodness...


oh wells....this term failed my eng, maths and science....ALL THE IMPORTANT SUBS LA...so many ppl's gonna kill mi soon...sighz...


sians....im kinda worn out by sch...and i was happily dreaming on the bus today when i suddenly woke up only to see the bus was about to close the door at the stop after the stop i was supposed to get off...sians...so have to walk all the way home....


grrr....tomorrow got geog test...crap..that teacher kinda sux rite??hate tests...waste of time...


just so glad that hols are next wk...


and she was so tired that she fell asleep even before her head touched the pillow and woke up only to realise that the hols. have already gone.


couldn't wake up todae either and had a bad case of diarrhoea.


lesson learnt: dun eat dairy stuff before going to slp.


fixed my tagboards.so happie...oh...if u realised...there's two tag boards at different locations.cos the tag boards are for different purposes.


don't really noe wad to blog about tho...my random thos are so very random la...hmm...will either be editing my template or doing revision...tata!


i told a lie yesterdae.


i said i wasn't angry..but i actual fact i was. i just felt that it was just a waste. waste of life.


im still fuming.but as a smoldering fire..cos i noe nothing i do now can salvage the problem.


upset. im upset that i can't be of any help to that brother. maybe it's God's plan.or maybe it was just me not able to see distress in ppl...i feel that im caught up with sch work and with the stupid hetic schedule that im forced to comply with..


sighz.


hmm...im thinking wad courses that i should take in uni now...which is like siao...cos i haven't even finish my O-levels...which is now almost not even the basic requirements to get a permenant job in s'pore.and i doubt i will survive jc life...(provided that i can survive this yr..)


nth interesting todae...except the usual dose of being teased la...(hmmm...maybe double todae...cos i nv go sch yesterdae...) hu ask mi to be class chairman??


I wish upon a little star, hoping that God would pick up that star and read.


---->altho that sounds wrong, but dun u think it sounds sweet? =)


hmmm....


heard that a church friend of mine's going ns soon...but the only difference is that he's going to halt his studies to go ns cos of financial problems...


i dunno why but it seems kinda weird to mi..like why ppl were raising funds to buy sports equipment and all for yf and not like helping ppl to tide over real problems that they face in life...


maybe they think that helping that friend to tide over the financial problem is an insurmountable task...cos after all...the school fees are quite high...or he had already applied to go ns liao (i think he had already done so..when i noe abt this..) or we are not caring enough as a people.


hmmm...maybe im just thinking abt this too much...or is it we are just too caught up with our own life and our own circle of friends that we are deaden to the cries of our own brethren until we see them drowning in their own problems??


okie


so wad i was doing for the past 3 hrs was to surf the net...yup...i noe...i was complaining that i was very tired in my previous post...


and i was saddened by the fact that i had forgotten quite a fair bit of my friends name...(oh no!!) and i had also can't seem to find them back...


will that be the end of the friendships that i have forged during my first christian camp and at my previous church??i dunno..and i definately hope not...but one thing that im glad...i noe that i will see them again in heaven...if not on earth...at least i noe that they are in safe hands...and of course i certainly hope to see them once mor...but everyone's so caught up with their lives till they have forgotten that they have forgotten a friend...hmmm....


i never knew the importance of having friends around mi till the point when i have found a true friend.


hmmm....


still a very tired gal...BUT i feel that i have grown spiritually...in a way or another..


I LOVE YF!!!!yay...cos it's one of the reasons that make mi endure the tiring school week...and refresh my spirit to endure the upcoming school week...


i wan to thank God..cos he has and always been good to mi...thank Him for giving mi listening ears to pour out my sorrows to, thank Him for giving mi strength when i tot i would just collaspe and die..thank Him for giving mi friends whom i think i can count on...thank Him for friends that are will to fork out time to teach mi stuff that i dunno..thank HIm for giving mi wisdom..thank Him that i have at least a song in mi to praise him...thank Him that i am chosen to be called as His own...and so many more la..


okie..i think im a happie girl..cos i suddenly feel light hearted...but im just tired...yup...the messages this weekend was edifying and i think it was reallie helpful in my spiritual growth...but i was zonking in and out of space...cos i was simply too tired to reallie focus on wad the speaker had to sae la..


hmmm....i got so much to praise Him, so much to blog and so much to do too...but im simply too tired le..lol...yup...might update later..ciaoz!


hmmm...


feeling so happie just now...lol..even tho my fave show just ended running...


mad right??haha...maybe becos i think that lin feng was so cute...and dunno why he just simply remind mi of ho ming...lol...


i noe they dun look alike la...but then....haha...just remind mi of him la...


lol..i have always thought that im mad...over some of the 'wrong' things....young girl's craze...lol....im not a girl yet not a woman..ya??stuck in between...


so glad that tml no extra lessons or whatsoever...even tho i got tuition at 9:30...yup..


and im not sure if im gg for terence's birthdae chalet/barbecue...(not the yf wan aniwaes ya?) cos it's on sat..and i do wan to go yf wan..but at the same time...i do wan to spend time with my other friends...sighz...caught in a dilemma..grrz...


can i just cut myself into 2 or sth...?haha...i dun think i want actuallie...cos i dun wan to listen to message and some perverse stuff at the same time...but then...maybe all the friends and friends of God noes hu will be there...so i doubt my presence will make a difference and maybe not being there frees mi from all that gross stuff that they talk abt...


mad gal...so actuallie i have made my choice liao rite??hmm...


sians..


in sch having geog lesson now...


grr..dun like geog lessons but i love geog...lame rite??


bet loads of ppl are not doing geog research...ppl like me and brigitte are good examples.lol..


just joking... =)


bored....cos daryl nv reply mi...oh wells...understand tt he's a bz person..haha..kaes...off to surf other places le! =)


Dear Lord,


thank You for all that You have blessed mi with.even tho i may not been talking to u as frequently as last time or doing things that are right in Your eyes...but i have always been on Your mind...thank You for all the trials that come my way...cos without it..i will never grow up and be a good mirrior to reflect Your goodness....i want the world to noe that You are the best and i want to live life that is pleasing in Your eyes.may u continue to see me thru this tryin period and may i finish this long and trying race where i noe that You will welcome mi in open arms and say that i have fought a good fight.

all this i pray in Jesus' name, Amen.


thank God that He never forsakes...tho we are so sinful..like wat the bible says..' We are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousness are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and all our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away.'-isiah 64:6...cos if He does, no one will ever make it to heaven.


okie...bet later ppl wil come complain to mi sae that my blog is so holy...


so many things to sae..but i dunno how to phrase them...yup...


anyways..i didn't listen to klove at the coe (oh..if u didn't noe wad's coe..it's centre of excellance...)...cos the teacher came in before the player loaded...sighz..


brain-dead for dnt le..cos i cannot think wad are the problems that ppl face when learning how to cook...cos i learnt cooking from my mom since young...thru helping in the kitchen la...so i dun see any problem in that...


suddenly thought of sth..how to kill crabs...lol...but seems very cruel lei...the tot of taking a life away from sth seems super bad..but im not a vegetarian...lol..cos i dun see the killing process ma...


oh wells..have to think of 2 more ideas...if not i cannot do the rest le..must finish technology by next week la...sians...


off to think of my ideas le la..ciaoz!