lol...


in coe now...slacking ard... =p
haha..shall listen to klove hopefully la..haha..so long nv listen...


off to slack now... ciaoz!


hmm..
feel suicidal this weekend...sighz...wad's wrong with mi...


i guess..maybe been bottling up too much...


i hate life here...i hate it till the point that i want to end it instantly...but then...what would i say to Jesus when i meet Him in heaven??how would i reply Him....im accountable to how i live my life cos my life belongs to Him and Him alone...i have no right to take it away from myself..


just thank God that i have already knew Him in my heart...if not i guess i wouldn't be here doing so many things with so many great ppl...


haiya.


sian la...had my geog test till 12 plus....so not much of a 'half dae' la...grr....


in the end i went and hung out with e gals and their boyfriends...yup...

boo...val was saying that she's super desperate for a bf....like wad the...it's kinda...ermm...ya...i think u should noe wad i mean...


and the topic dunno y dragged to mi... -.- maybe cos i've been single the past yr and a few weeks ba..so they wan to see mi happily attached so that we all can go out together without mi being 'extra'...which i do feel it sometimes...


'....do u still remember ur zhonghua friend??y dun u stead with him??'-brigitte. 'hu??'-val. 'the one hu wanted gillian's no. ...'-brigitte. 'oh! jonathan huh?'-val. 'ya....do u noe alot of jonathans?'-brigitte. 'ya....i noe jonathon see...fat jonathan, short jonathan...'-val. 'just chatted with him online yesterdae..he's nice as a friend and he's willing spend on his girlfriend too...gillian, do u want his no? serious, i can give u his no.'-val.


'no...im not so desperate to want his no. yet...'-mi


haha...oh wells...i kinda regretted wad i said just now at tcc while walking home...sheesh..wad's wrong with mi...grrr...


but then maybe i shouldn't reject that offer right??cos it's better to have more friends than enemies....lol...


oh btw...the whole world noe noes abt the letters liao la...okie...i shall treat it as nth happen cos i think that it's just a prank la..cos i dun think anyone would like mi in sch...ya?haha...im just deceiving myself la...hu cares...im just an ostrich....lol...hide my head and pretend that everything's all right in my small little world...


then i realised that i haven't been spending much time with God the past few weeks....procrastinating all this while...excuses and lies....im just so unworthy la...cos i haven't been walking the the ways of God and Satan's like winning the battle in mi...which i will not hear of that..hopefully...ya...


oh no...im so tired now...eyes closing liao la...even tho i drank coffee at the coffee bean just now...sian...no effect at all la...or maybe im too tired liao..maybe should try espresso shots next time...


okie...shall be off to do my QT..if not i will really be too tired liao.. and i will not do and the Holy Spirit will come and chide mi le...im afraid that my heart will be harden and i can't hear anything from God...like what He have to sae to mi...yup..k...long dae ahead la....wake up at normal time...grrr....ciaoz!


hm.


tiring dae...ya...so doubt will study for my geog test tml...


failed my chem and dnt tests this week...failed chem cos i didn't noe anything abt air and oxygen..which was one of the topics and dnt...haha...i just can't do physics and i didn't go for extra lessons last yr cos i was sick...


oh wells...so glad that it's half dae tml...maybe gg out with brigitte and the rest...but im pretty sure that i may just spend my dae slping at home or doing up my notes....


yup..


oh...btw...i was kinda pissed todae...cos someone ransacked my table....and left all my stuff on my chair...and it's not the 1st time too...so in order to ensure my books to be safe...i am determined to lug all my books back and be a nerd until the dae O-levels end...too bad for mi if i forgot to bring my books la....


'maybe i want to love and to be loved.but im afraid to get hurt and also hurt others.'


back.


didn't post yesterdae cos i was tired and had things to do too..


anyways...i had 2 fairly good daes..cos good things sort of cancelled the bad things le....


sheesh..was still angry with my mom and all....ya...and then i came down with sinusitis AGAIN...grr...smiliar syndromes ma...


oh wells...

but then...i have a secret admirer cos he gave mi 3 letters in 2 daes...not that im boasting....but it seems weird la...like..would anyone like mi meh??lol..i lack self confidence and self esteem la....but seriously...y mi la? think i would just scream and run away if he ever says hi to mi...but good thing is that i dun noe his identity YET..and i dun really want to noe either...but becos of this, amirul and brigitte now want to have love letters too...cos they think it's so sweet...and nowadaes no one ever do that anymore...haha...wondering if they will write to each other tml...


haha...and all of them are like dying to noe hu's that....hmmm....on second thought...maybe i wanna noe hu's that person hu likes mi...lol....


haha...anyway...my sis thinks that the person must be a lesbian after reading the first letter..and she so warned mi not to go into a BGR...if not she will send mi for counselling or kill mi....like hello?i might not like the guy in the first place la... -.-


maybe i shouldn't wish for things that i dun reallie want it to happen..


damn.


i feel like an idiot.


cos i am one...aren't i right?


im so freaking pissed with my mom....till the point i feel so much like slapping her....


and if u didn't noe, let me tell u that i HATE LIARS AND ********.....


wanna noe y she pissed mi off till that point?read on.


that toot told mi she was sick with diarrhoea and backache and she told mi that she's going office
after dinner.


Damn. hu on earth are u trying to kid la...no one ever goes to WORK ON A SUNDAY AND ESPECIALLY WHEN U ARE SICK. bloody shit....dun ever give that as an EXCUSE to kid mi. even tho i may be dumb and stupid, but im not dumb to the point that i dun even noe that u are purposely not coming home.


IM SO NOT GOING TO TRUST WAD SHE SAES NEXT TIME...although it was said, 'For God commanded, saying, Honor thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death.' (mat 15:4)





haha...was literally dead yesterdae too...

after yf sandra dragged mi to the 2nd dialogue even tho i had protested abt it la..and i was dozing off there...thanks to her...

and then left the dialogue at 6:05 pm cos i dun wan to be like sleeping there...after all..it's the main santuary u noe...

and so i took a bus home and i slept all the way thru...which it's abt 35 mins..and i dragged myself home which is about 7:30 pm by the time i slept...

...and all the way to this morning 7:30 am...and im still yawning away...sheesh..will go and get ready for church..and today it's breakfast for YD!! (and lyd was *jealous* cos she can't go as she got cat. class..) =)


goodness.now the whole world noes that i like him.


literally. and im not joking...


sheesh. i can't imagine how my life would change la...and best thing...i still dun reallie noe if i reallie like him anot...like u noe...


and im so so tired....slept 10 hrs straight last night...which cause mi not to do my folio work...and another 1 hr todae....


grr..tml have geog remedial and flag dae..and yf starts at 2:30....oh God...save mi..im going to die of tiredness soon...im like literally dropping dead soon.



dear chinling....i posted sth just for u and abt u...here it is! =)


hmm...


lost my cool again.and i was terribly upset just now..and i cried again...heh....for dumb reasons.


i don't even noe why i spent 2 hrs plus, close to 3 hrs in the kitchen busying making dinner when i had so much things to do.


im badly short of time to do my dnt la...and of course, the rest of my home work too...and there i spent time making dinner and no one bothered to come home to eat them...


nearly threw all of them in the dustbin. cos i was so pissed...almost $20 worth of food and the effort nearly gone down into the drain.


maybe i shouldn't have done it.



man. just feel like dying all over again.


i miss u so much that i doubt i noe wad im doing again.cos u took my breath away when i saw u that dae in class.wishing that u would noe all of it.


tired.


supposedly have a date, but sch ends at 4:30 for mi and josiah starts work at 7 plus...so..sighz..end up dateless...


it's okie...im not exceptionally upset about it too..just okie...


after all, it's just a day...except that it's a dae whereby it's okie to go on a date with anyone and would be caught dead in...


and anyway i dun have anyone that i wouldn't want to be caught dead in...


im so bad in keeping personal secrets...oh well..hope that the whole world won't noe abt my crush by tml or in the near future...


sighz...oh wells...gonna do my hw...if not i'll be dead meat soon....and u will see my name in the obituary... =)


i feel bad.


i wished that they did not make a joke out of uncle sam's colour- blindness yesterdae at the airport. it's so mean la...


like not able to see so many colours...it's such a sad thing la...cos it means that im not able to reallie appreciate God's creation fully...cos in nature there are so many close coloured things...which means u can only see the shape of it and not the colour combination (i think...)...cos it's the combination of colours that make things special...i think i would just cry and cry if im colour- blind la...cos colours are SO IMPORTANT to mi in my life...


which im thankful to God that im not colour-blind...if not i would just die studying those boring notes...


but maybe i should try to learn to like those boring one-coloured notes...hmm...cos it's cheaper to maintain the stationary that i have...and it also means one pencil case and a lighter school bag... =)



tml's valentine's dae...sighz...wish i can spend it with him..but it's impossible...cos he doesn't noe tt i liked him and also he never replied to my sms...and i have school till 4:30pm too..and by then i won't be looking at my best either...should stop daydreaming and focus on my O-levels instead...and my love should be on God too...love Him and to worship Him.


Chris Tomlin - How Great Is Our God

From the album Arriving


The splendor of the King

Clothed in majesty

Let all the earth rejoice, all the earth rejoice

He wraps himself in light

And darkness tries to hide

And trembles at His voice, And trembles at His voice


Chorus:

How great is our God

Sing with me

How great is our God

And all will see

How great, how great is our God


Age to age He stands

And time is in His hands

Beginning and the End, Beginning and the End

The Godhead, Three in One

Father, Spirit, Son

The Lion and the Lamb, Lion and the Lamb

Chorus:

How great is our God

Sing with me

How great is our God

And all will see

How great, how great is our God

(2x)


Name above all names

Worthy of all praise

My heart will sing how great is our God

(3x)


Chorus:

How great is our God

Sing with me

How great is our God

And all will see

How great, how great is our God


dear diary,


todae was a shocking dae for me...cos it was only todae after YWorship that i noe that kwanie was leaving today for melbourne for furthur studies.


it wasn't until i reached the airport that i felt lost...as in to mi (and maybe to alot of the YFers too..) daryl and kwnie are like the 'pillars' of bishan YF..as in prominent ppl...so tt time when daryl left for the States, most of us turn to kwanie ba (figuratively..)...so now with the two of them gone, ppl are now finding ppl to replace them...


but then again...ppl can nv replace a person completely...i guess that's wad make a person special ba..


maybe he might never read this but he does have a special place in my heart cos he's one of the 1st ppl hu came and feel welcomed in YF when i was in sec 2...


Dear Lord,

i pray that u would oversee sam when he's home away form home, that he would be able to settle down in his new environment asap. Lord, i also pray that may he not be so homesick and able to make new friends fast. (although i from wad i noe abt him, he will be able to make friends fast..) Lord, i aslo wan to ask that may You continue to uphold him in his faith, that when he is down, Lord, he may still trust in You and be righteous in Your sight. Pray that he may find a church that is bible- believing and may he able to serve You there and be a man of faith.

all this I pray in Jesus' name,

Amen.


feel like crying again...


now it's time for mi to face the facts that they are gone...i feel so out of place...


when everyone's blogging about their results and all..im just reading them..wishing O-levels would come quicker (at the same time not...contradicting myself..) so that i can get out of TK..and hopefully into a good JC..(like TJC or VJC ba..)..which is kinda impossible..cos im just lazy when it comes to working hard...


now im unsure if i even made the right choice 2 yrs back...i guess i was young and rash back then..not knowing the seriousness of the consequences of the decision that i make..


feel so like a failure...ppl ard mi seemed so distant..so close yet so hard to reach...even God seemed far...cos i have distanced myself away from Him becos i felt so unworthy of His love...


a facade. maybe wad u noe abt mi is all about that and nth else that is real of mi...i feel like a cheater..cheat others and of course, myself..


realised that i know not alot about myself...i had always tot that i noe so much of myself..then in the end what i noe about myself is just the facade....


just a pathetic being who needs God, yet turn away when He's near...


o-levels results dae.


i didn't go and see tho.cos i felt extra too..see all my batch ppl go collect the results of their hard work of 4 yrs can be quite upsetting..


oh...and im quite pissed off today...by some e-mails...with regards to the informal meeting of the discussions on the splitting of the church.


in the 1st place, i dun reallie agree to the splitting of the church..cos it can be quite devastating to the church congregation...cos once seen as a body in Christ, to split IS quite shocking like 'WHAT??!' and i reallie dun think it's good in the spiritual growth of one who has been shocked by this splitting of the church.


then now, they are arguing over some little stuff on why is there TWO informal meetings at both locations...like 'can u use some common sense???'


the informal meeting has been decided like recently and the other side didn't noe abt it till later and YF programmes can't be changed or bring it forward so last minute...and therefore to make it fair for both sides, so they are having it at TWO locations la....toot...not using brains wan...


and so they are having an 'e-mail war' over that...ArGH!!!!


im still FUMING over why they can't see light on things so simple as this...oh..because they LOVE TO COMPLICATE STUFF... *fumes*


God should be quite upset to see His ppl quarelling over this...because im super upset over this le...


sighz.


i think God's asking mi not to pon my remedials. but i still did.


which resulted in calls from the teacher.sighz...


feel so pek chek la...but i can't do anything about it.


saw him today while walking to tkgs bus-stop....dunno why...he suddenly reminded mi of weng seng...lol...maybe they are both tall (but he's taller) and they made similar facial expression when they saw mi...


i think im not having a crush on him...then again..i do think it's only a crush...except it's been going on a long time...


oh ya..had my first wushu class today..and the instructors were kinda scary...cos they look scary...just realised that taekwondo and wushu are similiar to a small extent although both are martial arts...had a hard time adjusting to wushu..cos been in taekwondo for 2 yrs and after all..they work on diff principles and they also have different types of kicks and stances....


will have to try to re-coordinate my limbs to wushu style...ar....if not i will just embarass myself in class....


and i gtg!!!need to catch up on my sleep and also...i have stats, and pop. (maths, geog) test tml...!



hmm...

a post right after i posted...weird rite?

dunno y im crying now...it's like...something's making mi cry....but i dunno wad...which is quite rare..cos i hardly cry la...

and the reasons that can make me cry is that i felt that i had an injustice, or see/ heard an injustice...or im super duper sad or i felt i had done wrong la...

sighz...dunno la...grrr...tv time ba!!yay!...lol -.-


i dun think i will ever understand human's psyche.

dun u think it's strange that y ppl love to hang with the 'popular' and yet ostracize the 'weird'?

some ppl may be weird, but hey! aren't they humans like u too?dun they have feelings too?

sheesh..i felt quite guilty for not picking up kia yeow's call now..but then i dun understand wad he's saying and i got quite a hefty telephone bill each month la...and he's...kinda scary..

oh well..i just wish that ppl will stop picking on joey although he may be a bit weirder...but hello?who on earth here's perfect??God must have His reasons for making certain ppl in their own special way..



i dunno if i reallie liked him..sighz..oh well...i can't reallie decide on that...oh wells...leave it to God la...hmmm..


tell mi.

tell mi wad on earth could ever make u like mi.

but then again...God has a perfect plan for mi..so i should just depend and listen to Him right..

sighz..i wish i have a date on Valentine's dae la...sheesh...but then...argh!!!i dunno la....i wish to have one..but some how...there's a voice telling mi to wait patiently for the one...cos altho there may be good guys ard...but they may not be the best suited for mi...

so i shall just wait for him to appear in my life lor...



*haiz..thnx for not replying mi...anyway..i doubt u'll ever read this....i wish i can see u this thurs...


maybe.

maybe i shouldn't think that i like him...cos at the end of the dae, if he doesn't like u, it would be crushing and also, embarassing too..

haha...learnt my lesson...cos once bitten, twice shy wad...

hmm...i actuallie dunno wad to sae tho...haven't been close to God for the past few daes..cos i haven't been praying and doing my QT properly...and i haven't been able to control my anger properly these few daes...even tho yesterdae's message was 'facing the giant of anger'..and i actuallie flared up that hot and bad temper of mine yesterdae becos someone woke mi up yesterdae from my nap just to ask mi go for dinner..cos i was still super tired...and the metal chain that fastened the padlock to the gate broke cos i swung that thing quite hard...and my marble flooring around the area where the padlock dropped have cracks on it..

and so the moral of the story is that dun wake mi up when im napping...esp. when im feeling sick...

haha..no la...it's must curb that temper of mine and also dun try to test my limits..


You're at someone's house for dinner. A dessert falls off the table. What is your reaction?

You can tell what your spiritual gift probably is from how you reacted. If you thought:



"That's what happens when you're not careful," - you have the gift of WISDOM.

"Don't feel badly, that could happen to anyone" - you have the gift of SHOWING MERCY.

"Let me help you clean it up!" - you have the gift of SERVICE.

"Let me show you how we can quickly make a new dessert!" - you have the gift of TEACHING.

"Ohhh, that'll leave a stain on the carpet..." - you have the gift of PROPHECY.

"Never mind, I'll go out and buy a new dessert." - you have the gift of GIVING.

"Next time you will remember to put the dessert further in on the table, won't you?" - you have the gift of EXHORTATION.

"Jim, would you get the mop? Sue, please help clear it up, Mary, help fix another desert, would you?" - you have the gift of LEADERSHIP.

"Jim, take this scoop and transfer the dessert to the trashbag. Sue, take this cloth and wipe up the floor, and Mary, take this sponge and wash up the dessert plate." - you have the gift of EQUIPPING.

"The reason it fell is that all the weight was on one side." - you have the gift of KNOWLEDGE.

"Don't worry, we can still eat the side that didn't touch the floor!" - you have the gift of FAITH.

"Eeewwwwwwwwwww!"- you have the gift of TONGUES.

"You don't like this dessert is it? I'll have your share then." - you have the gift of INTERPRETATION OF TONGUES.

"Here, let me fix it, if I scrape away the dirty bit and garnish the rest with some cream, we can still eat it." - you have the gift of HEALING.

"Oohh...that smells good - is that a sherry trifle?" - you have the gift of DISTINGUISHING OF SPIRITS.


oh...I LOVE BRIGITTE TO BITS!!!

haha...cos she's my lover ma...(are u jealous, terence?)

tsk...enough of jokes...so long never update le...yet i have to be rushng off to do my homework soon...haha..

sheesh...im so so at a loss of wad to tag la...but i at least i wan to praise God..cos he answered my prayers...lol..but of course i dun only praise God when He's good to mi...

haha..im a happie gal...thanks to brigitte lor...at least for now...only 12 daes to Valentine's dae hopefully i have a date by then..tsk..im not having any high hopes tho...