decided to blog...but some how dunno wad to blog about cos so many things happened in the few daes that i didn't blog..yup..

lil update: hols have officially started but i still have extra lessons...then i have straightened out my thoughts..i hope...

ya...sighz..dunno la...i feel quite weary..u noe metally tired..yup..that's how i feel...and i dun even noe wad to do and wad i wan...

sighz...im feeling super pissed...and i dunno y and i dun care and i dun intend to care either...okie...i noe quite alot of ppl is reading this..and dun worry abt mi cos it's just temporal and i will just get over it la...

just give mi some time ya?? =)


okie. i felt that my last post was rather mean...so i shall take it off...lol...

ya..mi now still in a gloomy state..but much much better now...all thanks to jasmine's 'sad music therapy'...haha...

wanna noe wad's that? it's a form of therapy where u play all sorts of sad songs and then u talk wad's bothering u or wadeva u wan la...haha...maybe we should have that sort of therapy for all sad and gloomy ppl..ya...

but then the most important factor is still on oneself...the determination to be happy again...yup..which i did la...and i did reconsider the effects of being sad and gloomy...that is u are wasting ur life and energy, brain cells and u are releasing the bad homones into ur body..and then u get wrinkles at a younger age and u get depression and u will also die faster...

see! therefore i shall not be sad and gloomy for as long as i can help it...haha...sounds not so depressing le...and staying happy and optimistic is the way to good benefits! haha...



to all sad and depressed ppl...i suggest that u try the 'sad music therapy' cos it can cheer u up the next dae..and i say, the effects are GOOD!!

P.S haha sam...this is not depressing rite??haha...lol!!!


if only i could cry easily.

feeling super lousy since yesterdae...and i dun think i could be happy soon...maybe becos of the weather ba..but it's just a contributing factor...

i dun mind ppl telling mi straight in the face wad they think about mi...at least i feel better..and on the other hand, getting someone to tell mi wad they wan to tell mi is like i feel that there is more to it lor...i mean..like...that type of feeling is so indescribable la...but to sum it all up, i just feel more hurt in the latter situation..

i guess diff. ppl have diff ways of telling them...and most of the time, ppl would choose the latter to break bad news to other ppl...wich i quite hate it alot...

well...guess i reallie nid a good cry...but i had never liked crying...cos since young, i find it as a form of weakness and i sort of tell myself that i shouldn't cry for small things and i guess this is it.

im contradicting myself.which i always do...


man....was listening to k-love and...oh well...post my post at home ba...


update again: got a letter from him, and then i didn't go service again!!tt's all...

okie...i really wanna puke at his letter man...not anything bad tho...but the fact that he wrote that '...I do get that feeling ( and I also got the feeling u have some form of liking for him too)....' and he actuallie sae that he onli tell mi this and won't spread ard...lol..

HELP!!i dun like the person that he mentioned at all...i mean..ya..that person do have his good points but most of the time i only see his bad points...which will guarantee that the gals will nv like him...if u only see the bad points only..ya?and i like someone else..like i tot he knew??

jose was saying that maybe i should tell him that i like him...but i dun noe la..reallie la..okie...maybe it's high time that i must forget him huh??it's tiring to like someone that doesn't like u...man...ya...i guess...God surely have another guy in mind for me...cos he always have the Perfect plan rite?

haha..no verse this time cos this com dun have the electronic bible...and my own bible is not with mi..so ya..be stong and get over and done with... =)

pray for mi kaes? *.*


okie...im blogging cos ppl have been bugging me to blog....sighz...oh wellz...

a 'lil update on my life: i've got a new phone, got back MOST of my sub. marks for final yr paper..and got all my overall results....

my new phone: a second hand samgsung e800c..ya....i noe it's exterior is not as good as new but then there is downloaded games and ring tones inside the phone which i will never get if i get a 1st hand...cos i dun spend money on these la...

then for my final yr papers results....PASSED: eng, maths, chinese, science (chem), dnt. FAILED: combined humans, geography,and i think, science (physics)...reason to y i think i failed is because i haven't got back my physics results...cos i nv go sch on mon....

then overall results: i passed eng, chinese, combine science and dnt!!!(one more sub then last yr..) which means i failed geog(by 1 mark!!!!), maths(44) and combine humanities..hehe...

yup...been slcking ard...and i found a holidae job...where the pay is not that fantastic (said my my sis nd juia...) but i guess, im working for experience and also to push myself nearer to my goal of getting a guitar and a palmtop...and i want to get my guitar badly so that i can practise at home... =)

okie...im tired le...off to slp!!


hehe...i shall sacrifice bball....for the week or so...

not that i having exams...but my toenail came out..naturallie..and noing that i have a bad habit of not wearing shoes while playing...so i might as well wait till my nail grow back and then play properly..

one thing that i shall announce...im going to get a new phone soon..but then im not sure wad model to get...so i do need help la... =)

to those reading...do suggest some good models that i can get...but pls describe the phone like so ans so's phone...cos i dunno the model no..haha..thnx..hehe..


i had a dream, and it is of him (or was it some other guy??)

i dunno wad that means but all i noe that it won't be coming true..cos dreams that i dun remember will only come true....how funny..but it's really a good thing too...

wells...it's rather gross the dream and i noe the Js will have a disgusted expression on their faces...so i will not go into the details...but it's like commiting adultery in ur dreams (in biblical terms..)

But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.__matthew 5:28__

wonder is it my unknown burden??i do not noe...and all i noe i that i need to do my reflection soon...real soon man...hmmm....

and pray for me abt that...ya?thnx!


yoz...back again...feeling rather energetic...cos i sort of just woken up from my lil nap just now...hehe...

ya...upadate my life on sun...tho it's like 1 in the morning of mon, 17 oct....well, hmmm...woke up at 10:20am, and therefore overslept for yd and morning service...then stayed in clubhouse as i dun wan to go in and 'embarass' myself when u step in when message started...so stayed in clubhouse and listen from there tho it's super muffled...haha...

then when down to have fellowship with the yf ppl..and oh, did i mention that i think i saw fat shawn waking past the clubhse??(for ur info if u dunno... fat shawn is someone from my batch in sch..reason to y he is called fat shawn is becos there are 2 shawns in my batch... and he's plumper out of the 2... =) ) and grace gave mi a skirt for my bd....yup...which i realise i have a similiar one, except that it is much shorter and it's blue...(should i wear the skirt next week??)....wow....thinking of wad to wear le....=)

went to thompson plaza for lunch then hung ard at the yamaha shop to look at the instruments there...and the range for guitars there is like wide la...from $100 plus to $900 plus for classical only...and the electric is like $1000 plus to $2000 plus la...

which means i get my guitar like when i finish sec sch or when i work or *hints* someone give mi as a prezzie...which i noe is rather impossible...hehe...

ya...i dun wanna carry on le....if u wanna noe(which i dun think so...) then ask mi la...haha...shall end here...bb!


i was reflecting on the bus what was holding me from properly worshipping God yesterday and i realised that my own pride, anger and my unknown burden was actuallie holding mi back...

humility and pride, a directly oppostite traits of personality."Pride goes before a fall" i guess, pride is a bindling spotlight that shines on u and prevent u from seeing a hole in front of u...and which u fall in into...

anger, however, i dunno la...it only goes to show that i have a bad anger management ba...that's all....'Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:'__ephesians 4:31__

oh wellz....i must learn to hear wad the Bible has got to sae to mi...'But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.'__galatians 5:22-23__


hmmm...to the reason y im still up this late...chatting with daryl (cactus.im not adding the word 'handsome' in front..but do so if u wish...) and brigitte...tho cactus's like replying super slow...ya?

i realised that k-love is like playing the same few songs everydae...and the same message wan lor...hmm...shuld change huh??

forgot to comment on the yf programe a few hrs back...man...it was SUPER GOOD la..it was prayer and praise and as u all noe, thru inferencing or i told u ppl, if u have been reading my blog, i have been rather upset and i realised that anger was the root of my distancing from God and today i realised that my own pride was preventing mi from performing to the best of my ability...like in badminton...

haha...my pride's has almost been the root of most of the failures that i experienced...which i nv learn until now...like ever since my bd a wk ago, i felt myself more able to pin-point problems about myself, and yet at the same time to be burdened by unknown burdens..

during prayer and praise, moses, one of the worship leaders, said this very edifying sentance saying: ...i noe that most of u are burdened from the way that u speak, but leave ur burdens behind and sing praises to the Lord...(okie....nt exact words....at least it means sth liaddat...) and in that instant, i felt that my burdens were gone except that my chest felt blocked and the good Lord t0ok that 'thorn in the flesh' away and maybe He did that to be as a testimony for Him ba...

after prayer and praise was a time that i felt spiritually high...this, i remembered that i read in a book that the african slaves in america used to gather around in the swamp where they told each other of the treatment that they have received from their masters and then they would start their service and later, ach one of them felt recharged to bear the upcoming week's treatment.altho they were repressed by they owners..but they still had a mind set that one dae that they will be free, free from their slave owners, and their liberator is Jesus.with this, faith has shown that faith has grown leawst expected, the deprived, the poor and the repressed...

did my reflection on the bus as usual..will share it in my next post...utill then cya!


i was staring at the cars at the traffic light while waiting for the bus just now and i was blinded my those glaring headlamps as my spects reflected those light...oh wells...in any case, i would have been blinded my the headlamps...

it dawned on mi that those irritating headlamps were like Jesus, 'Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life. '__john 8:12__

like to the non-christians, light in a dark world is very piercing, and most of the time, rejecting it seem more appropriate ba...cos that once they shut their eyes, they need not face the binding lights that hurt their eyes so much....

instead, these sheep have failed to realized that while they have received temporal relief from the binding lights, they have instead shut out the eternal love and felolowship with God...they have failed to realise that while lights can be binding, but it can bring them to the right way...no person can see where they are going in the dark, esp there is no light at all...

these sheep have foolishly chosen the easy way out...and carried on walking the winding path called sin and later end up in self-destruction and to be in hell to suffer eternal suffering...

From that time Jesus began to preach, and to say, Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.__matthew 4:17__<br>
Repent! for the kingdom of heaven is near... 'Be ye therefore ready also: for the Son of man cometh at an hour when ye think not.'__luke 12:44__<br>
therefore, i urge non-christians, do come to know the Lord at a personal level and u will come to noe that, reallie, He is the Giver of all good things...

'If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?'__matthew 7:11__


sighz....i wished i had a palmtop all of a sudden...

like on the way home, i had flooding tots that i want to express here...but now they have all died out...looks like i can think well on jerky bus rides...

y am i still fuming mad with her?like altho i can rationalise like not to be angry, but i still can't get it over...i noe im rather petty...and it takes mi a long period to get it over...esp if someone close have hurt mi...now i reallie noe that the phrase 'sticks and rocks hurt mi, but words can't' is entirely not true...like many a times i have been hurt by words....yup...

felt distant from God and i started to doubt the very existance of God...i mean i noe He loves mi..but like it seemed too unreal...and all i held on dearly seemed to vanished

like i felt guilty for doubting Him...esp in my mind, i remembered the song 'the one thng' by paul coleman and the chorus, the only part i remembered, saes, But the one thing I don’t question is You/ You really love me like you say you do

sighz...i wan to be in constant fellowship with God, to enjoy the relationship like the way God has planned, to trust, love and to be dependent on Him...but it seems all to far now...i can't seem to make head or tail to where im going...

i realised that anger is the root of the problem....and now i guess...is to confess my sins ba...to restore the broken relationship with God...sighz...

here's a song to express my tots ba...




hmmm...found a cool search engine...

it's there on my links...called 'good tree'

now there, be a kind soul and use that search engine and donate to charity!!(altho they are in america...)ya?

tk peepz...show that u have charity at heart...

church peepz..show that u have the Lord's love with u...

none of the above?show that u're kind can?

hehe...thanks!


sighz...i just realised that blogs are not safe....AT ALL..

let me rephrase that...i noe that blogs can be read by anyone one on earth...be it a friend, stranger or foe...so it is not safe...

so to cut the story short...i was wronged for setting up some anti-*person* club...like hello!!!y would i want to do tht....even tho i disliked her to the core??being a fellow christian...shouldn't she noe that God commanded to love thy enemies as in matthew 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

i love God and i would obey His Conmandments and even if i dun like her and even if i nv pray and bless her....the very least is that i won't say anything abt her or do sth bad to her....okie...i do show my displeasure of her in front of other ppl but i REALLY DID NOT DO THAT...even if u don't believe...at least God would noe if im telling the truth....and by that time the guilty will be punished on Judgement Day...

sighz...i shall not be bothered by her...i noe she hates mi just because i told tan siew fung that she pon her geog lessons...wad?ur ponnning of lessons DUN AFFECT MI AT ALL and u think y would i tell her that??to show that i have intergity or her pet or to make her hate u issit??FINE....IF THAT is wad u think...i have already washed my hands off u...


And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved.

__John 3:19-20__

Fear them not therefore: for there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; and hid, that shall not be known. What I tell you in darkness, that speak ye in light: and what ye hear in the ear, that preach ye upon the housetops. And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

__Matthew 10:26-28__


i hate hypocrites.

or maybe backstabbers.

wadevers. my life is not used to be mad at them.it is used for glorifying God's love for us.


But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; -mat 5:44


hmmm....exams are over rite now?ya...im not feeling that good cos it came and gone like too fast le...im like blurdedz....sighz.....

papers sux...and i dunno la...i never reallie studied or can say literally nv studied for my last 2 papers cos im worn out by all these things....sigh...

im bewildered now....can't get the fact that exams are over and that tml is marking dae...and fri...is it a marking dae too?i dunno...im not gg.....even if there is ba....

went out to orchard (finallie!!) with bri and ws....go read her blog...she got blog abt it...tho she missed the part where we had to walk past this woman 4 times just becos ws got lost...hehe...oh wellz...and i saw joy with her friends and we got kinda shocked by each other's appearence ba...hehe...hope she don't think that im with ws...i mean like in a bgr....which is not at all...

watched 'corspe bride' with them....haha...im like suppose to watch with grace huh??oops!anyway...it was touching at the end...ya...and the first tot that i had after the movie is that u should watch it with ur bf/gf...haha...dunno y i started to think abt him.... *help!*

man...y is it so hard to forget him???like just when i tot i got over him completely liao then the feeling's back again...maybe God's deciding that i should do something abt it...but reallie seriously speaking...i dunno...

im gg orchard tml again....can some one help me decide wad to wear??


okie....im back...and now is like 9:42 on mon morn, 10 oct 2005...haha..

it's not my birthday now....and i have no papers today...ARE U ENVIOUS?? but i end on wed...and most of the cohort end tml...haha...but pity those hu had a-maths and dnt...haha....oh wellz...todae it's a-maths...and as most of u (if not all) noe...i dun take a-maths....ya...which i will die if i go jc and take maths...

so much for tht...oh...i wanted to post about my bd yesterday...before the clock strikes 12....but then i too sian le...and i noe that i can turn time back by changing the numbers below...but then liaddat it won't be true le...how not fun it is...

ya....so the day goes like went for yd (for the benefit of those hu dunno...it's youth disciple-ship...which is some sort of bible study...) but it was breakfast...cos we celebrated by having breakfast...and those hu came were like mi, lyd and samantha...haha...and the sec 4 boys (also not all sec 4s tho..) were like having their lesson there...and we were like eating our nasi lemak there...which wasn't that fantastic...cos it only had chili and ikan bilis (which i dun like..) and the fish was like super hard...but good thing that maybelline bought fishballs to go with...hehe...

and so we had small talk...like from which fast food is good, and the difference btw long john silver in s'pore and nz...which i learnt is a huge diff...to names to name maybelline's unborn son..and samantha's mad about 'kian christian chia'...hehe...cos 'kian' is the name of the westlife guy...and 'christian' is a cool name -mabelline likes that but found it like duh! esp cos u are a christian...and i dun think u wan to announce that u are one by putting it in ur name and btw...it's also the name of the a1 guy..(which is not that cute...) and 'chia'...is of cos the sirname...hehe...

then was yw....and then stayed back and moved ard like usual...and they had a surprise for mi..which i expected but i wasn't mentally prepared somehow....maybe cos i wasn't expecting a cake...but anyway...i saw the party poppers...haha..and after tt like many ppl came up to sae happie bd to mi..lolz...

then after that then was lunch and some shopping with julia and jas...but wasn't really shopping.. and then shopped with mom...ya...

then had dinner at sizzler's and i shall not post on that...cos i until now i haven't come to the main point...

THE MAIN POINT IS THE CAKE MAN!!!!hehe...cos it's from coffee bean and it cost $43..hehe...and it is simply AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!and do regret and bang ur head and die (that exaggerating...but true noe..cos i practically flew up to the heavens when i had the first mouth of it...) if u have never tried the cakes from coffee bean...typing this reallie makes me drool...damn...i realise i didn't take a pict of the cake...to make u all drool even more....sighz....but i tell u....it is worth that money...sighz...

okie.....shall be off to eat the nice cake im talking about...and make u ppl drool more!!


yay!!!iit's the weekends....2 daes before i turn 16...wonder how will i spend the last hours of my 15 age...

hmmm.....tml...physics tuition...and then yf is helping out for bishan home's open house....then i also dunno do wad le...hehe....

went to bugis (finally!!!) after chinese paper......cos for the past 2 weeks or so...been going to parkway....finallie a 'new' place....altho im also quite sick of the place too...

dun deny the fact that im rather attracted to zx...but that doesn't mean anything...rite? esp. when i always 'change target' wan...

so gal...it doesn't imply that i like him...and also after wad u sae....must think twice u noe...hehe...=)


so it has ended...or at least i think it is...i wonder it is good or bad...

in case u are wondering (and i think that u all are...)...i overcame the torch that i have been carrying for him...which means that im glad i was calm enuff not to jio him ba...i dunno...my feelings rite now are like so mixed...is like i like him...i dun...then i realised i dun like him like the way i did last time...and i guess...that's God's way of telling mi that he's not my Mr. Right...or doesit mean sth else??haha...

anyway...i shall just concentrate on my exams now...and everything can be said later...

currently i finished my geog, eng, maths,history,and chinese part I and III papers....which means i still have physics(tml), soscial studies, chinese paper II(fri), chem(tues) and dnt(wed)...that leaves mi 1 more week of exams till freedom...haha....but in between shall slack....cos it's *ahem*'s birthday...and *ahem* wants to go shopping la....

and becos it's *ahem*'s bd...i can go slack and go for breakfast for yd this sun...haha...i love *ahem*.....haha...oh wellz...to noe hu is *ahem*..ask mi or u can go guess k??haha....but no prezzies for correct ans...haha...sounds dumb....(p.s ans found in my blog... =p)

anyway...i think im gonna fail physics...with a f9??haha...i noe there are ppl hu wouldn't hear of that...cos it just means that it will pull my chem down by like 3 or 4 grades...haha...

which just means that i will havta study...but physics is one of my weakest (if not weakest) subjects lor...and once...i overheard 2 ri boys talking...and they both agree upon physics is an a1 subject lor...and u can bang on the wall if u can't get a1...and i rmb i was like -.- heck...physics...a1 sub??!

but i guess guys are normally better in maths/ physics than gals...[tho julia (or someone else...can't rmb..) wanted to prove that theory wrong...] and i suck totally in those two...blearghx....ya...and i retained for that reason..if u wanna noe....now my maths is like d7 and no longer f9...which is good to mi..but my physics is still cmi la...haha...

shall end this post so i can read other ppl's blog and also to start studying for my physics...sayonara for now!!


i hate my sch...cos it SUCKS totally...

it made mi say the 'f' word more than 20 times within 10 mins ba...that's like 2 times in a min...booo....i nv saed so mani times in a shot la...until todae....and guess wad...i was crying like no one's business before my english paper...and i prayed before my paper to reallie quieten myself down....cos i couldn't stop crying and i was super pissed la...

waana noe the reason y?cos i was late for school again.not because i woke up late...in fact i woke up at 5:25am this morning just to do that stupid dnt hw that i was supposed to hand in this morning la...and if u dun noe...my first two papers were english paper I and pure geog...and those hu take geog will noe that it is IMPOSSIBLE to finish studying geog....and i wasted prescious time just to do that dnt....somehow i forgotten that everything is in the hands of God and we tend to take things into our own hands and then it all goes wrong...

like im super pissed that y is there homework before exams la...?i noe that is counted for exams...but then y can't they give us AFTER THE EXAMS???? like having exams is not stressful enuff la...wad's their problem???

disgusted with the school...esp after the 1st paper....someone told us that we come back in @ 10:05 when they dilliy- dally to collect the papers....and later at 10:04 some one came and say..."y are u still doing in the hall??the paper starts at 10:20?get out of the hall...u are not supposed to...."

crap la....they are contradicting themselves....heck if m getting sued over this...cos there is SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT SCH'S WAY OF DOING THINGS LA...

im regretting my choice of choosing that sch as my 1st choice when choosing schs for sec 1 and of cos the decision to retain...cos that means to be stuck there for one more year...sighz....of course i dun hate the ppl there...(depends hu...)