haha. talk about reaching a thousand posts when i was younger. anyway, it's been official.


haha. back from korea still alive and yes, grateful for the trip.

God has been faithful, and true to His word. How can i say? the sun when i left for Korea, God spoke to my soul as a work of healing within my soul that felt neglected, that was unloved; to cause me to see that God was in the midst of all the brokeness waiting for me to be open for healing.

that fear of going to meet and deal with the weaknesses caused me to limit what God is able to do and really overimagine what things will be like.

Psa 27:10 When my father and my mother forsake me, then Jehovah will take me up.


alrights. finished knitting and presentation's over. whee! korea in less than 48 hours!

yup. looking forward to agape rally. cos i believe that God will still heal, if we have the faith to believe that God is mighty to save.

sometimes, i just feel i can't share anything here, cos it's just weird to go deeper, like the fear that ppl just dun understand. not that i doubt ur intellect, but will u see the same way as me? im just tired of being superficial on my blog.. if being superficial is the only way that u'll understand gillian most, i'd rather close this blog that has memories of me since 15? than to carry on being superficial.

most of u might think gillian is looking forward to the korea trip.. but im not. why? cos gillian is afraid, afraid of the things that is to come. afraid to go thru the refining fire. to see herself moving significantly out of her comfort zone.

'isn't it just a trip to korea to unwind after a bad semester?' NO. if i could, i'd rather not go anywhere, honestly. but because God promised that after going through refining, i would emerge more victorious than before and becos He'll never leave nor forsake me even the going gets tough.

and although gillian is like niaming not to go korea, but she knows that at the end, she will be glad that she went, not becos she shopped alot, but becos she had met God in her weaknesses that God is going to heal her of.


anyway, for the last 2 weeks, it was great!! haha. (tho i really procrastinated like siao for my presentation...)

learnt a song on the guitar, 'give them all' (super old song.. heh), and have been frantically knitting a project for the last few nights. yup. so cool right? haha. im gonna do that for my entire hols- go learn sth.

anyway, i was about to sew my knitted pieces then i realised i lost my needles! crap. how wonderful can it be?

ya. i've got less than 24 hrs to finish sewing it up and less than 72 hours for my presentation... ouch.

and yes. im gg KOREA like in another 9 days! haha. but it's not a shopping trip kayys? so i dunno if i can get all that stuff for victoria and jocelyn (cos victoria's gonna give me a LOOOOOOOONGGGGGG list of things to buy X2) and also get stuff for cell grp, fangling and mabel and at the same time getting enough things for myself too.

and im not sure if mom's extending the trip by one more day... and i wanna visit the church there!!!

kayys, off to get my needles. =) and oh! looking forward to borrow daryl's bigger crumpler!! yay. cos i wanna try to see if i should to 'upsize' krumps, cos krumps just can't close with all my things now...

P.S krumps is my crumpler's name. =) and victoria prefers to be called victoria now. so pls dun call her vicky.


I am a part of the fellowship of the Unashamed. I have the Holy SpiritPower. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is secure. I am finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions, mundane talking, chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by presence, learn by faith, love by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power.

My pace is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions few, my Guide is reliable, my mission is clear.I cannot be bought, compromised, deterred, lured away, turned back, diluted, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won't give up, back up, let up, or shut up until I've preached up, prayed up, paid up, stored up, and stayed up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I must go until He returns, give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes.

And when He comes to get His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My colors will be clear for "I am not ashamed of the Gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes.." (Romans 1:16)


this was the prayer screened at the MI graduation ceremony and it was the challenge left by the people who had completed the race. =) and my friend post it at his blog, which i find it timely.

when will gillian be finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions, mundane talking, chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals? and to really live out being a gillie?


a long while.. since being here.

not that i haven't been blogging, but just that it's halfway done, it nevers gets thru to be posted.

cos i really don't know how to use words to get the situation across. like i think like only victoria, jocelyn, jennifer (my discipler) would understand. the people who kinda know my situation. yeah.

in and out, out and in. in a way i have been drifting and also being the master of my own life instead of God.

yups. im on a rollercoaster ride again.


i firmly believe that God is still in control.

even tho i may despair at times or bee too overly focused my problems instead of Him, but when i learn to step back and put things into back into perspective, i find that i was being too prideful to not depend on Him.

the world says that u should protect yourself because no one's gonna protect you, but that was exactly what was hindering me from my Lover. He said, 'come on, Gillian, I will be your Protector, your shiny Knight in white. why do you still arm yourself? you don't trust that I'll protect you?"

just as how i've broke His heart, He broke mine so that He could heal my insecurities. I've always tried to put myself into simon peter's shoes and let Jesus ask me "Simon, son of Jonas, do you love me more than these?" (in my case, He will call me Gillian la.. and yours, pls change it accordingly)

i simply couldn't see how Simon Peter could be so broken over that question that Jesus asked 3 times, until i experienced it for myself. "Gillian, do you love me more than everything?" "Gillian, do you love me?" "Gillian, do you love me?"

Something just broke within me which led me to realise that even when times that i felt that i couldn't love Him, i couldn't move myself away from Him, but instead, i found myself moving closer. Closer and closer, into His embrace, into this peace, when all around me are howling winds and storms.

A promise, to be with me all the time. A promise, that He would be my shiny Knight in white. A promise, that He'll never leave nor forsake me, even in my darkest moments. Because He was there during Mankind's darkest hour.

yup. because of His faithfulness, that's why im able to stand here today. and tho i may not be a good example of what Christ is, i know that this is not the final product.

God, this desire has been ignited. Please dun let it die.

i don't know about you, maybe u felt that all this only happens in fairy tales and fairy tales dun happen in real life but as i type this, i really wanna share that there was this sense of assurance that i felt and really, 我被神感动了。祂的大爱，触摸我，使我不仅地赞颂祂。


as usual slacking... gosh... totally not in the mood to do my report. argh.

okays... i left conclusion and recommendations and appendix... and viola! im done. at least for the report... and then i'll have to do my poster.. which i feel is the dumbest thing eva.

right. msn-ed ferooze just now. =) quite happy cos i haven't talked to him for 2 yrs plus. but then it's like the usual formalities then after that then wad? im really not some one who can converse well on msn.

and woah. just now talking to jocelyn on the phone and she shared that she just got a job offer that can start tomorrow. like so cool can! =) so glad for her that she got a job. =) yay yay.

okayys. looks like mabel's not lunching with me...hur? sigh. kkays. anyway, i should be thinking of the things i need to hand in tml.


sheesh. i really hate the report. can't think of wad to write.

still nua-ing in makan place. happily (actually not very happy also) surfing net.. doing anything except doing my IAP stuff. yucks.

sigh. i really need to rethink everything abt IAP. blearghx.


okayys. here it goes... I AM SO NOT IN THE MOOD TO DO MY REPORT, PPT AND POSTER. argh.

and really, i wanna die already. come come, brain. you need to function. i dun wanna fail this module, and reapeat it. yuck yuck yuck. boo to you! IAP. yuck.

as of today for the past 3 hours, i only typed a pathetic paragraph and the opening slide for my ppt. and i dun even think any of it made any sense to me.

feeling really terrible for the past hr/ not sure if im too bored or am i falling sick. so glad i've brought my converse jacket. sheesh. i contrast with the bright yellow table that im seating at real well.

okayys. fang's coming to find me for the next 4 hrs. so ya.. at least won't be too bored. but hope able to do something productive.